Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Dumbest Doyenne

I know she's a regular target, but if there is a bigger - dumber - hack on the internet than Kathryn Lopez you'll have to spend five minutes at Little Green Fucknuts to find them.

TOM COBURN [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Not to be too cheesy about government service, but watching the Senate Judiciary Committee as I just did, however casually (i.e. while multitasking)...Tom Coburn just strikes you quite often as the good-guy, citizen legislator who really cares about good ole things like (what is actually in) the Constitution and "integrity." You know where he's coming from, and he wants his opponents to be just as up front. Anyway, his presence both encourages you that such people are in public service and infuriates you that they get a lot of grief for that which encourages you--that he's an actual true-to-life citizen legislator. Even if his colleagues want to make him not be.
Posted at 12:45 PM

Yes, that CONSTITUTION lovin' is really deep amongst the GOP at the moment -- a group that cannot apparently bother to actually fucking read the Fourth Amendment. I'm guessing that Mr. "I Love the Constitution SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much I'll only sterolize Native Americans without Consent" Coburn is a big fan of the warrentless wiretap. Abortions for none, warrentless wiretaps for all!

Other profoundly Constitutional Thoughts of Senator Coburn:

1. "I favor the death penalty," Coburn told the AP last week, "for abortionists and other people who take life."

2. “The gay community has infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country, and they wield extreme power … Why do you think we see the rationalization for abortion and multiple sexual partners? That’s a gay agenda.”

Yes, he's just the very model of a modern major moron.

Beep, Beep Bitches, the new Bill of Rights of Coburn & Lopez et al:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of a religion - except Christian ones, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof - except Christian ones; or abridging the freedom of speech, unless it is critical of Dear Leader, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, unless they are critical of Dear Leader in which case they must be kept out of sight, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances, though we don't have to listen and we get to note who you are.

Amendment II

Have a gun, enjoy!

Amendment III

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. Ha! Time of Peace! Enjoy the Halliburton Hotel.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable reasonable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. Except if you are a drug-addled right-wing talk show host, in which the you are immune from all laws, like the President (Republican Only)

Amendment V

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime blowjob (same diff), unless on a presentment or indictment of a GOP Party Convention, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. Whatever.

Amendment VI

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by a pure jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, unless there are a lot of black people there, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law (are there black people there?), and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation (are you a black guy? a liberal? a liberal black guy?); to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense. [BORING!]

Amendment VII

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Oh fuck this shit.

Amendment VIII

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, upon offending Republicans nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted, unless they are cool and you are poor.

Amendment IX

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. Commie shit, that's out. This Amendment will now simply say:


Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Kind of redundant. How about... Feel free to burn that cross?

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