It's all DeDurkheim's mojo working

Burnley beat Man U?

That's like the Minnesota Golden Gophers winning the Rose Bowl. It's like Favre staying retired. It's like a strong Public Option being in a health care bill. It's like the United States taking a couple of decades off from taking military action against a third world nation. Okay, this is getting more and more depressing...

It's all because DeDurkheim adopted them. There, that's better.