Saturday, June 24, 2006

Parody

The Cable News Networks have now salivated for about 30 straight hours over the arrest of a terrorist threat equivalent to the Society for Creative Anacronism or an awesome D&D Campaign.

"The group apparently did little to inspire fear in the Liberty City neighborhood where they took up residence. A close family friend and a distance cousin of Stanley Grant Phanor described the leader of the group, Narseal Batiste, as a "Moses-like figure" who would roam the streets in a cape or bathrobe, toting a crooked wooden cane and looking for young men to join his group.


Huzzah!

Here's your progress

Surely this is a sign of how we've been giving the Iraqi's the blessings of liberty and freedom:

The attacks and suicide bombings that have ripped through hundreds of mosques and shrines across Iraq are affecting Muslims profoundly, causing some to abandon Friday group prayers in the mosques, one of the holiest Muslim rites. Prayer is one of Islam's five pillars, and the Koran encourages worshipers to pray in groups on Fridays.


This is no small thing to abandon for devout moslems. Prayer is far more communal in Islam than it is in the other monotheistic faiths.

If Cheney had an actual heart, as opposed to the space-aged polymers that comprise that sad pulsating thing he has, that is what he'd be offended by.

It's inevitable

How fucked up and putrid the stories of "progress" we have heard for three plus years sound now?

I honestly took part in a conversation with a couple of folks the other day, one of whom is a ditto-head who after several examples of the disaster, started telling me that "the reality" of Iraq is it really couldn't be going any better than it is -- it is just that the "press" doesn't want to admit it.

I suggested he consider wearing a crash helmet at all times.

For most of the past six months, Iraq drifted without a government and its security forces largely stood by and watched at crucial moments, like the one in February when Shiite militias killed Sunnis after the bombing of a sacred shrine.

Now, as Iraqi leaders in the Green Zone savor their recent successes — the naming of the first full-term government since the fall of Saddam Hussein and the killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Iraq's most wanted guerrilla leader — Iraqis outside its walls are more frightened than ever. Neighborhood after neighborhood in western Baghdad has fallen to insurgents, with some areas bordering on anarchy. Bodies lie on the streets for hours. Trash is no longer collected. Children are home-schooled.

The paralysis that shut down life in western Baghdad is creeping ever closer to the heart of the city, and Iraqis in still-livable areas are frantic for the government to halt its advance, something the new leadership pledged to do when it started its new security plan for Baghdad last week.

"It's like a cancer, spreading from area to area," said a guard at Delta Communications, a Mansour cellphone shop that has been shuttered since a bomb blast in front of it last month.


We cannot afford to be there much longer, the Iraqis cannot afford to have us any longer.

Naturally we're staying.

The war with Iraq began, on our initiative and choice, in Mid-March 2003. Three years and three months have gone by.

From the day Hitler declared war on the United States to the Nazi Surrender took three years and six months....and we were certainly never doubtful of victory by this stage.

I know that righties can come back and say "but we weren't fighting an insurgency"...which is ironic because many of the same dickwads were talking about the "Werewolves" in Germany post WWII in May and June of 2003 as an excuse at that time.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Available drinks you wouldn't want to have at a "Townhall.Com" convention

The Crotcharita
Fetus Fizz
The Tubby Virgin
A Holy Sepulchre
Assrocket Punch
The Heh, I peed
A Mickey
The Depleted Sarin
A Black Internee
Hair of the JPod


Just sayin'.

"Ernie Piles"

You know I've had this here bloggy-blog for about two and a half years now and I cannot recall previously mentioning Geraldo Rivera.

I could be wrong, Geraldo's contribution to journalism since the early 1980s is only noted for its inconsquential productivity, other than producing buffoonery. Like the inside of Al Capone's vault, or Laura Bush's womb (what, too harsh?...are you sure?).

So yesterday, because Brian Kilmeade has to go to bed early, it was time for FoxNews to do what FoxNews must do and be incestuous in its interviewing. They had "the mustache of blundering" on O'Reilly and they falafeled each other to a fine blather. Eventually Geraldo summoned forth:

I've know John Kerry for over thirty five years. Unlike me-he is a combat veteran, so he gets some props, but in the last thirty five years, I've seen a hell of a lot more combat than John Kerry...


Yes, indeed:


Here is the result of Geraldo combating the notion that Klansmen really shouldn't be seen or heard in polite society.


Here is Geraldo reporting that he was on the "hallowed ground" where American soldiers had been killed, when he was in reality about 300 miles away from that spot, combating all notions of physical reality.


And a few months later, here is Geraldo combating the notion that you should not reveal the location or operational plans of American troops during combat in Iraq. Something that led to him being ordered to report on combat by not being anywhere near where it was occuring.

I salute the Ambrose Burnside of combat reporting, Geraldo Rivera.

I didn't know it was possible

But Kaus is lowering his standards, which I think most of us figured he didn't have to begin with...

Coulter was escorted to the garden party by Slate's Mickey Kaus.


If only


This was Hungarian Speaker of the National Assembly Katalin Szili in the midst of a solid right-cross.

But then again, Bush is long past being affected by head blows.

Just kidding Mr. Secret Service Man.

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

So we ARE going to support Amnesty

The Iraqis want us to cut & run too:


THE Iraqi Government will announce a sweeping peace plan as early as Sunday in a last-ditch effort to end the Sunni insurgency that has taken the country to the brink of civil war.

The 28-point package for national reconciliation will offer Iraqi resistance groups inclusion in the political process and an amnesty for their prisoners if they renounce violence and lay down their arms, The Times can reveal.

The Government will promise a finite, UN-approved timeline for the withdrawal of all foreign troops from Iraq; a halt to US operations against insurgent strongholds; an end to human rights violations, including those by coalition troops; and compensation for victims of attacks by terrorists or Iraqi and coalition forces.


- So amnesty to domestic insurgents who killed Americans.

- The U.S. must stop attacking insurgents.

- Compensation.

- The U.S. has to "Cut and Run" (as Rove would put it)

There you go Jethro, good plan in Congress this week.

Can we have a moratorium on proclaiming Turdblossom a genius now?

Yeah right, I'm sure it will be a "real" grilling

The Mallo-Cup of Politics Arlen Specter is at it again:

The Bush administration will have to explain why it thinks it can ignore or overrule laws passed by Congress in a hearing next week, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Arlen Specter said Wednesday...

..."Our legislation doesn't amount to anything if the president can say, 'My constitutional authority supersedes the statute.' And I think we've got to lay down the gauntlet and challenge him on it," Specter said in a telephone interview.


Make sure you don't swear him in Alren.

Why would anyone ever want to leave?

After all, our forces are the only ones able to prevent this sort of thing.

Uh...

At least 25 people have been executed gangland-style in Iraq's third-largest city this week, with residents gunned down in ones and twos and bodies found scattered throughout Mosul.


Why if it wasn't for the "Special Presidency" of George W. Bush the Iraqis wouldn't have the ability to engage in this kind of roughhousing with each other. The kind of hijinks that only "real" freedom provides. We have given them the power previously reserved only for Americans. Americans like Bushwackers, Jayhawkers, Gangsters, and Coastal Rappers.

It's on the march people -- and to enjoy Freedom, I suggest to the Iraqi people they invest in "Panic Rooms".

Thank goodness we're stayin'!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Great Moments in Chimpery

The New York Times headline describing Bush's speach in Budapest today to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the uprising:

Bush Compares Iraq War to Hungary's Uprising


Considering what happened to those involved in the 1956 uprising there may have been better analogies.

Dear Senator Reid,

Isn't it time to shut down the Senate again?

Roberts, who has stalled endlessly to prevent the completion of the investigation into whether public officials cooked the intel in crafting their pre-war public statements, may now be ensuring that it will never be completed.


Sincerely,

Atta J. Turk

Okay Right-Wing Wankers

We all love da Carbon-Dioxide right?

Earth hottest in 400 years
Panel says humans responsible for much of the warming

The National Academy of Sciences, reaching that conclusion in a broad review of scientific work requested by Congress, reported Thursday that the "recent warmth is unprecedented for at least the last 400 years and potentially the last several millennia."

A panel of top climate scientists told lawmakers that the Earth is running a fever and that "human activities are responsible for much of the recent warming." Their 155-page report said average global surface temperatures in the Northern Hemisphere rose about 1 degree during the 20th century.

The report was requested in November by the chairman of the House Science Committee, Rep. Sherwood Boehlert, R-New York, to address naysayers who question whether global warming is a major threat.

Last year, when the House Energy and Commerce Committee chairman, Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas, launched an investigation of three climate scientists, Boehlert said Barton should try to learn from scientists, not intimidate them.


Good for Sherwood Boehlert, a Republican with some scruple.

Now, go see 'An Inconvenient Truth'.

"The Bunker"

And the many denizens of Washington, D.C. who inhabibit it:

From AmericaBlog:

The White House has completely failed in Iraq. They can't run a war, but they can run political campaigns. So, now the Bush administration is treating the Iraq war as just another political operation. It's all about politics for them:

But people who attended a series of high-level meetings this month between White House and Congressional officials say President Bush's aides argued that it could be a politically fatal mistake for Republicans to walk away from the war in an election year.

CNN's Dana Bash just said the GOP is "downright giddy" about the current debate. They're all loving it.


Thanks to the White House we completely fucked up the when, how, and why to go to War.

The the Administration fucked up the fighting of the war.

Now we are plainly losing...or have simply lost the war.

Now they are "GIDDY" about the current debate on the war.

I suppose the Kaiser should have been giddy in the Summer of 1918 too.

I always figured government was for sale

But this is ridiculous...


...UPC Symbols on each of them?

(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

And they should know

Good luck with that European trip there Georgie:

In Austria, that unpopularity is particularly acute: a recent poll by the Vienna-based News magazine found that 72 percent of those surveyed found Bush to be unlikable and a danger to world peace.


And these people know unlikeable threats to world peace!

His name is Ricky, but he fucks up like Lucy...

Santorum's little WMD spiel (along with Rep. Peter Hoekstra) was so pathetic that naturally I thought the press corps would fall for it.

...God knows the genius, and our primary source for stupidities on the internets K-Lo did -- BEEP, BEEP!...

FoxNews was trying to push it as well...and maybe they will again...but this is hilarious

Santorum showed up to do his thing with Peter Hoekstra on H&C and it took one phone call by Jim Angle of FOX News to debunk Santorum's WMD claims today. That's pretty embarrassing when the Dick Cheney network undermines him. Hannity was all excited and tried to say that WMD's were only "a part of the reason we went Iraq."


And the Washington Post exposes the stupidity more:

Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-Mich.), chairman of the House intelligence committee, and Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) told reporters yesterday that weapons of mass destruction had in fact been found in Iraq, despite acknowledgments by the White House and the insistence of the intelligence community that no such weapons had been discovered...

Last night, intelligence officials reaffirmed that the shells were old and were not the suspected weapons of mass destruction sought in Iraq after the 2003 invasion.


And this little nugget shows the quality of the GOP even more when it is noted that Hoekstra is the Chair of the House Intelligence Committee.

He thinks you are all stupid.

More assholery

Boy that Jose Padilla -- remember him?

Master "Dirty Bomb Maker", centerpiece of the catches we've made domestically in the War on Terra?


Padilla was designated an "enemy combatant" and held for 3 1/2 years without charge by the Bush administration shortly after his May 2002 arrest. He was accused then of plotting to detonate a radioactive "dirty bomb" in a major U.S. city.

Padilla was added as a defendant in the Miami terror support cell case last year amid a legal struggle over President Bush's authority to hold him indefinitely. The Miami indictment does not mention the "dirty bomb" allegations.


All the depravations inflicted on Padilla because he was so effin' dangerous and after all these years we have a judge say this:

A federal judge ordered prosecutors to turn over more evidence to back up allegations that Jose Padilla and two co-defendants conspired to kill, injure or kidnap people overseas as part of a global Islamic terrorist network.

U.S. District Judge Marcia Cooke said Tuesday she agreed with claims made by defense attorneys that the indictment against Padilla and the others is "very light on facts" that would link the defendants to specific acts of terrorism or victims.


It needs to be emphasized Jose Padilla is an American Citizen.

An American Citizen!

A Flock of Assholes

John Aravosis is right, just like with Pat Tillman, the military knew the actual circumstances of the deaths of two American servicemen for months and months but DID NOT TELL THE FAMILIES of the soldiers until this week. In fact, it is likely they may never have gotten around to it, but for the fact that the press found out the circumstances and they were forced to acknowledge the truth.

When this was reported on CNN on Wednesday, I saw how constant Rumsfeld "Deputy Flack" Jamie McIntyre reported it and it was done as if the "press" had done something awful by being about to report the findings before the families could be told - forcing the military's hand.

The Pentagon had sat on the truth for nine months and they tried made the media look like the wankers. McIntyre and others have been used so many times by Rumsfeld and his lackeys at the Pentagon you'd think they'd be pissed.

But being used is too much fun.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Next time he'll recreate the staircase scene from the Battleship Potempkin

John Derbyshire...Lou Gehrig's disease humor ... Stephen Hawking...

What could possibly go wrong?

I'm warning you.