Shorter even lamer (how is that possible?) Breitbartlets

Can we not stop this plague of black-on-black benevolence?

These clowns are like Charlie Brown falling down before he yanks his own football.

And yes, that also works for them as a masturbation reference.

Oh hooray

The GOP "fuck the rest of you" fest moves into famously progressive states this week -- Alabama and Mississippi?

Which one of The Four Horseman* of the Asspocalypse  are going walk in the limo tracks of Ronald Reagan and be driven to Philadelphia, Mississippi so as to metaphorically if not literally piss on the graves of Goodman, Chaney, and Schwerner by praising state's rights ("stahts rats") while decrying affirmative action, or possibly even race mixing?

First one to praise Theodore Bilbo wins.

Oh how I pray for some awkward Q & A's this week.


*Sorry Ann Romney

Mittfiles in Courage

But of course...

...after conservative outcry over his support for raising the minimum wage, Mitt Romney quietly reversed his position this week.

Romney has a long history of supporting increasing the minimum wage, including tying it into the CPI. Increasing the minimum wage is incredibly popular amongst the public (more popular even than the last right-wing fuck up, birth control). Once again, kissing the right's ass and flip-flopping is not a good idea in the long-game.

Sort of fitting in a way

Except for the Seal Team 6 ending, it appears that Osama Bin Laden's last days were pretty much a bad situation comedy and/or Newt Gingrich's eventual retirement:

Osama bin Laden spent his last weeks in a house divided, amid wives riven by suspicions. On the top floor, sharing his bedroom, was his youngest wife and favorite. The trouble came when his eldest wife showed up and moved into the bedroom on the floor below.

So One-Camera, or Multi-Camera format? Anyone who has read Lawrence Wright's magnificent "The Looming Tower" is not really surprised that it ended this way for him. When they weren't stumbling into mass murder, Al Qaeda's leaders were models of buffoonery in many ways.

Certainly not in a room full of mirrors

Were I Limbaugh (shudder) this is not the analogy I'd use when talking about losing advertisers:

That’s like losing a couple of french fries in the container when it’s delivered to you at the drive-thru. You don’t even notice it.”

As Limbaugh has now lost 45 sponsors, one does wonder how super-sized his orders are? I'm sure right after this that Rush went on again proclaim Michelle Obama is fat. As anyone can guess from his nose-hair forest, Rush is not the type to look in a mirror, let alone what passes for his soul. For those few who wonder how this guy is the intellectual powerhouse of the far right, it is by default.

Michele Bachmann argued last night that the Obama administration could institute a one-child policy under the Affordable Care Act.

Oh, how silly. As Ms. Bachmann can tell you, the best place for determining how many children one can have is your employer or nearest available cleric. Anybody but the one with the womb.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

She's a real heavyweight

Mythical figure Sarah Palin endorsed Newt Gingrich, how'd that end up working for him in her home state?

Thanks for the memories

So Kucinich is out (and not very with much class, frankly)...on the other hand so is Mean Jean Schmidt.

Now emerging as a winner against Kucinich, Marcy Kaptur gets to run against Not Joe the Not Plumber, who eeked out a victory in the Republican primary by the crack of his ass.  Good job Republicans, good job.

A great place to work undoubtedly

Could have been worse, been a producer for O'Reilly.

Two senior journalists working for Rupert Murdoch's News International have apparently attempted suicide as pressure mounts at the scandal-hit publisher of the now-defunct News of the World.

The suicide attempts follow weeks of intense scrutiny of the role of The Sun, another Murdoch paper, in the phone-hacking scandal and police bribery case.

It was bad enough he chalked up some wins

But when Mitt launched into a rendition of "Up where we belong" doing the Joe Cocker parts I'm not gonna lie, it got a little weird.

Settling on boring over crazy

The story last night was supposed to be Romney's SuperPac, "Restore our Future" allowing Mitt to put on a ribbed-jacket and rhythmically pound the supine Rick Santorum into a frothy lather, the only thing left would be a brown stain and the wet spot where Santorum is made to meekly lay exhausted and spent, covered in sweat.

So, how's that breakfast stayin' down?

But not so fast apparently.  Romney is still almost surely the nominee, I just pray he doesn't start singing. You can truly feel the GOP's excitement. It is palpable. ... Nope sorry, I was sitting on a set of grilling tongs.

It wasn't all bad for the Grand Old Party, at least one of its main legislative priorities of the last few years came to glorious fruition:

Paul Carroll, an 86-year-old World War II veteran who has lived in the same Ohio town for four decades, was denied a chance to vote in the state’s primary contests today after a poll worker denied his form of identification, a recently-acquired photo ID from the Department of Veterans Affairs. The poll worker rejected the ID because it did not contain an address, as required by Ohio law...

"I went to war for this country, but now I can’t vote in this country.”

Congratulations, jackasses. What a win for Democracy. Truly that is Mitt Romney's America.

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

This is bad news for John Bolton's chubby

I'm sure he'll have it back within a few minutes.

Iran will grant U.N. inspectors access to a military complex where the U.N. nuclear agency suspects secret atomic work has been carried out, the semi-official ISNA news agency reported Tuesday. Tehran had previously banned U.N. inspectors from visiting the Parchin installation, southeast of Tehran, but a statement by Iran's permanent envoy to the International Atomic Energy Agency said the visit will now be allowed in a gesture of good will. However, it would require an agreement between the two sides on a guidelines for the inspection, ISNA reported.

I'm guessing the last sentence is the "nip slip" of that paragraph for Bolton to masturbate upon.

Oh this will be awful

Oh what joyous message of peace will Rick Santorum bring to AIPAC? Hard to believe that less than three decades later FoxNews was modeled after a 30 second skit.

With all due respect "Your Holiness"

Shut the fuck up:

Gay marriage is like slavery, Catholic leader says Britain’s most senior Catholic, Cardinal Keith O'Brien, has condemned gay marriage as an “aberration”, likening it to slavery and abortion.

The Catholic laity is so opposed to abortion they won't even think so as to abort idiotic thoughts before they speak.

Funny thing though, if my 13-year old Confirmation classes serve me (this future agnostic was the highest scoring person on the test, suck on that Methodists!) there's no mention of gay marriage in the Bible, just a bit of Sodom (wonder what "Gomorrahmy" would mean?*) and Jesus shacking up with a dozen dudes but slavery is in there a lot.


*Seriously, how much does it suck to be allegedly wiped out by God and not even get a verb out of it?  What exactly did Gomorrah do wrong any way?  Did they not have enough S&H Green Stamps?  Were they into teabagging?  Did they not wear shoes but expect service?

...but I've never been to me....

Ann Romney may be the child of a prosperous businessman who married the wealthy scion of a rich man...who then became ever richer, making sure her many sons also became multimillionaires.

But Ann Romney doesn't feel wealthy.

I suppose because she's never felt anything else.

Time for Pooty-Poot

To call his ocular soul-buddy George W. Bush and find out where he can rent those Brooks Brothers riot guys.

(pic from here)

Romney in Two-thousand never...

If nothing else America must be spared the Mitt Romney songbook:

1. Who let the Dogs out...
2. America, the Beautiful...
3. The Davey Crockett theme... 

If he's nominated, he's going to do 'Radar Love' and if elected C&C Music Factory at the inauguration (in fact, why isn't somebody doing a video of a faux Mitt doing 'Everybody Dance Now' already on YouTube?)

Is that an America you want to live in?

I know Irony is allegedly dead

But must it be repeatedly dug up and mutilated like poor Pope Formosus?

The Hall of Famous Missourians in the Missouri State Capitol is filled with the busts of famous people from the Show-Me State... Right-wing radio personality Rush Limbaugh...will soon be joining that esteemed group.

Okay, that's ridiculous. Could it be any worse?

Would I rhetorically ask if it could not? 

On Feb. 13, Kansas City, Mo. sculptor E. Spencer Schubert posted on his blog that he was in the process of sculpting busts of Limbaugh and Dred Scott

Didn't poor Mr. Scott suffer enough indignities the 19th Century?  Must he spend his posterity in the proximity of that posterior?

When it comes to Rusty, like the three ex-Mrs. Limbaughs, haven't we all had enough of that?

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Deja Screwed

John McCain calls for airstrikes on Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Yemen, Iran, Libya, Iran, Syria!

Yep

A perfect summary and a portion of a Tom Tomorrow 'toon:

Somebody's producers read their stars twitter account

From JoeMyGod:

The widely-followed Twitter account of wingnut actress Patricia Heaton has vanished, perhaps in the wake of her douchey tweets about "sluts" and birth control. (Tipped by JMG reader Thomas)

Something tells me ABC or the producers of "The Middle" decided that backing up calling women "sluts" was not good for business.

Somewhere this account joins Pat Sajak's blog in the ether.

Speaking of which...

Pat Sajak Hosted ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Drunk In Early Days

Saved it for blogging or National Review articles later...called it "K-Lo Goggles"