BWAHAHAHAHA!

Ah, the "timeless" Each Black Person is linked to every other Black Person theory

I just hope someone asks Colin Powell what he thinks of this whole notion:

Obama and Tiger Woods are so alike!

Shockingly written by a white person (no doubt a person who will say, "I'm a liberal I'm not a racist!" -- yet you wrote this article pinhead).

AWESOME!

Just add Bluto and Corncob Pipe...

Jeebus...you forgot to get a few nose-hairs in frame:



Best comment:

Brian Fowler
12/16/09

I'd say he looks pretty good for someone who survived five years in a Confederate POW camp.

That's okay really, I'll just keep slaving away here day after day

Several years after it became apparent I've run out of material to make the marginally funny.

I don't need anything, I'm sure this remaining kidney will keep filtering away -- I'm good. Sure, it would be nice to have some money to claim I gave to Jerry's Kids, but I'm fine. I'm sure I can last a few weeks without insulin. I'll be okay. And no, even though someone claiming to be a doctor says I should have that chemo, I'll pretend to be a Christian Scientist a few more weeks just to put off having to pay for it, I don't really need anything.

Sure, I could use some psycho-therapy to deal with my victim complex and my passive/agressive nature, but I'll get bye.

So I'm here to suggest you take whatever money you thought of donating to this blog -- the money you actually never considered giving to this blog anyway, because really, look at it, it's clearly over creatively here, what with my fictional bad kidney, diabetes, and various forms of cancer -- and sad eyed ill-nourished children and puppies -- I need no money towards curing my ill-earned narcissistic personality disorder.

But, Digby, now there's someone who could use some money. So please give if you can. She's truly a national treasure (and for once I'm not being sarcastic).

I'll be alright, really.

Stenography with Mike Allen

This about sums up what the Politico is worth, and what Sarah Palin actually reads. Ol' Palin braves being surrounded by those "inscrutable asiatics" in Hawaii and finds out TMZ, yes, T-fucking-M-Z made a mildly unfavorable report about her.

Who does she call? Why Mike "Sloppy Seconds" Allen to take dictation.

Top quotes

Via the Onion's twitter...so read from bottom to top:

Oh deary

We liberals are being castigated by Joe Klein. Why he hasn't been so hectoring since before the Iraq War, or was it Bush's plan to reform Social Security by investing it in Wall Street?

The best part is how Joe Klein actually makes this statement:

This issue is just too serious for preening or ranting

Yeah, that's right, Joe Klein, J-O-E K-L-E-I-N actually typed that sentence.

Being hectored for being on the left by Joe Klein oh my, there's a tell-tale sign we're on the right path.

Don't look at me, I'm bitter

Now that I've gotten my ranting out of the way, I'll concur with Krugman:

There’s enormous disappointment among progressives about the emerging health care bill — and rightly so. That said, even as it stands it would take a big step toward greater security for Americans and greater social justice; it would also save many lives over the decade ahead. That’s why progressive health policy wonks — the people who have campaigned for health reform for years — are almost all in favor of voting for the thing.

But that doesn't change the fact that the White House deserves very little credit on the matter as a whole, the bill could have been so much better if they had not negotiated against themselves. They've really burned their base.

Good luck in 2010

Good job using that Clinton-plan for off year elections!

The NBC/Wall Street Journal poll coming out later today will show opposition to the health care bill growing -- mainly from disappointed liberals, who are very much disappointed to see the public option getting thrown out.

Oh that base is sure gonna get off it's ass because of the solid work the White House is doing to hammering them instead of their political opponents. Voting to keep out the zombies only works in the movies, and even then, barely. Is it possible Barack and Rahm think they are the leads in Shaun of the Dead?

An "F" for "effort"

Maybe Joe Lieberman's flaming bag o' healthcare is what Obama really wanted. That would, of course, be more than angering enough. Maybe Joe Lieberman did, really, as the White House claims, concede to a demand of theirs (agreeing to consider a less gritty lubricant?). However, to me personally, the most infuriating thing about the status of health care reform as it stands now and explains my anger at least is summarized by this email to Talking Points Memo:

...people are pissed right now less at the fact that they didn't get what they wanted, and more at the fact that they feel like their people didn't really fight for it. Leaders don't always get what they want. But people recognize when true leaders at least give it a shot. And people judge that leadership by what they say in public and how hard they see them publicly pushing for it. Closed door negotiations don't count.

At least some actual Senate pushback from liberals is starting (warning involves having to see Neal Cavuto NSFW). Not from the White House of course, that would require effort.

On the other hand

The right-wing in this country, still fucking nuts, still fucking liars, still far worse than the alternative (oh, the enthusiasm that generates).

They just make shit up, blow it up to ridiculous proportion, and the correction comes in about 3-point pitch so others can repeat their lies continuously until it becomes a believed fact.

I'm Confused

I'm not sure who, exactly, I'm supposed to hate at this point. All I know for sure is that my head hurts. In any case, I've come up with the following choices:

1. Obama
2. Rahm
3. Howard Dean
4. Lieberman
5. Reid
6. Senate Republicans
7. Senate Democrats
8. Matt Taibbi
9. Ezra Klein
   
10. Ralph Nader
11. All of the above
12. Some of the above
13. None of the above

What say you?

Other comparisons of teabaggers by Michelle Bachman

"Charge of the Light Brigade"

"The guy behind the wall in Cask of Amontillado"
"Officer J.D. Tippett "
"Harold Holt vs. swimming"
"Natalie Wood vs. floating"
"O.J. in the Ford Bronco"
"The Edsel"
"New Coke"
"The Spartans at Thermopylae"
"The South at Gettysberg"
"The CIA's Cubans at the Bay of Pigs"
"The French at Waterloo"
"The British at Gallipoli"
"The Germans at Stalingrad"
"The Romans at Cannae"
"The Japanese at Iwo Jima"
"The Saxons at Hastings"
"The Vikings at Super Bowls IV, VII, VIII, and XI"
"George Bush at Syntax"

Half a brain, half a brain,
Half a brain onward,
All in the Panel of Death
Wanked the six hundred.
"Forward Tea Bag Brigade!
Charge for the left!" she said.
Into the Panel of Death
Wanked the six hundred.

Forward, Tea Bag Brigade!"
Was there Obama dismay'd?
Not tho' the socialist knew
Some one had blunder'd.
Theirs not to blog reply,
Theirs not to twitter why,
Theirs but to wank and lie.
Into the Panel of Death
Wanked the six hundred.

Naught to right of them,
Truth to left of them,
Cameras in front of them
Blather'd and blunder'd;
Storm'd at with snot and gel,
Boldly they squawked and fell,
Into the Panel of Death,
Into, uh, logic? oh hell
Wanked the six hundred.

Hard to argue at the moment she didn't pick the right team

"You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me."

America's Best Ham

How Colbert pulls his act off after, what 3 years? is pretty amazing.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

Um, yeah

I believe they demanded more lube:

Asked if Obama is as demanding of Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-Conn), whose opposition to a public option and Medicare buy-in provision led to their removal, as he has been of progressives like Sens. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) and Tom Harkin (D-Iowa), both staunch supporters of a public plan, Gibbs affirmatively replied: "Yes."

"The president was clear with members of the democratic caucus, including independents who caucus with the Democrats," he said.

America's Concern Troll

Clearly, the Washington Post under Fred Hiatt continues its mission of making sure the least appropriate people comment in the most stupid possible fashion on various topical subjects.

Not being satisfied with climate change being covered by George Will and Sarah Palin we find Richard Cohen discussing his favorite subject, women and why they won't have sex with Richard Cohen, for you see according to Dicky, for men,

...the urge to get closer to cocktail waitresses and denizens of dimly lit hotel lounges is in some way linked to the drive to conquer, to prevail — to succeed. It could explain why all this time into the Age of Feminism, years after women were liberated, women make up less than 20 percent of Congress and only 3 percent of those top CEOs.

The reason the Glass Ceiling has not broken is that women have other priorities — maintaining relationships and being a mother. This is the way it is, and this is the way it has always been.

Yes, apparently according to ol' Dick, women are not ambitious enough because they don't like meaningless sex as much as he does. But fear not, as Richard Cohen will tell you, he knows how to treat a lady.

Cohen appears to know less about women than a puppet on a cow-town television show:




[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Tough economy

God foreclosed on Oral Roberts.

How you know your book sucks

When you outrank Mein Kampf. So congrats there Ann Coulter and Stephenie Meyer, a woman who writes about sparkly vampires, and a woman who actually is a vampire sans sparkles.

(via the good Roger Ailes)

Apparently, we just all suck

Thanks so much for almost acting like you give a shit what I and two-thirds of the nation think Mr. President, thanks so fucking much.

I'm sure I'll vote for you in 2012, after all, the alternative is Sarah Palin or another equally insane choice. And you and Rahm no doubt know this is my alternative and are relying upon it.

But I'm glad I'm your fucking chump. I want Joe Lieberman punished, and kissing his ass and making him de facto President when the vast majority not just of the base, but the majority of everyone fucking one hates his fucking guts is not at all my cup o' tea. Who's the bigger fuck-face, the fuck-face or the guy who lets the fuck-face get away with being a fuck-face?

And god-dammit, look how many fucks I've put in this fucking post, it's like I'm fucking Thers, fuck, fuck, fuck!

You folks have really done an awesome job playing poker against yourselves. Oh, I know it's so difficult, after all boy-wonder Matthew Yglesias says so and I'm sure so does Li'l Petey Beinart, but how about just once, JUST FUCKING ONCE (DAMN IT!) you take out the god-damn hammer against someone that isn't a member of your fucking base?

Merry fucking Christmas, asshole.

Meanwhile, Booman puts a hap-hap happy face on it all, should you require a change of tune.


And now back to our regular non-ranting programming.

Well, you are 'America's Slump Buster'

Sometimes, the jokes write themselves:

Oh what the fuck does he know?

After all, Sarah Palin and James Inhofe have much better connections to 'Industrial Jesus':

Pope Benedict XVI called for urgent action to protect the environment, saying Tuesday that climate change and natural catastrophes threaten the rights to life, food, health — and ultimately peace.

In his annual message on the Roman Catholic Church's World Day of Peace, the pope argued that the world's economic, social, and environmental problems are moral crises that require mankind to rethink its way of living.

"We can no longer do without a real change of outlook which will result in new life-styles," he said, touching again on a theme that has earned him a reputation as the "green pope."

I guess it's time for Kathryn Lopez to leave the Church if she cannot toss her twinkie-wrappers into the river with a clean conscience.

Shorter Anne Appelbaum

I don't know jack-shit about climatology, but I work at the Washington Post so what me worry?

Take the boot out of your ass because your head is stuck in there...

Toby Keith, International man to tact, and such an appropriate venue:

The country twang guy in a cowboy hat performed an impromptu rap with Will Smith after the Nobel Prize ceremony, and—hey—did he just make "Chinese" eyes during a verse about "yellow" people?

...

Keith appears to be pantomiming Smith's words. He points at Will for "black," himself for "white," flourishes his wrist during "the red and the brown." During "yellow," he gestures to the outer corner of his eye with his pointer finger, and for "bang bang" he makes a finger gun.

"Imposerous!"

So yesterday while describing how Joe Lieberman was essentially lying his arse off, Village denizen extraordinaire Anne Korblut still appeared to call Joe Lieberman's multiple contradictory stands, COURAGEOUS. Because after all, what is more courageous in American history than taking on us dirty effing hippies with our long history of war opposition, peaceful marches, and fabulous meatless lasagna recipes?

Of course, I'm not employed by the Washington Post, which might explain it, but I'm pretty sure "Courageous" doesn't mean what Anne Kornblut thinks it means. The following is a paraphrase but i believe it captures the essence of Kornblut's channeling of Lieberman:

Anne Kornblut: Courage! What makes an uninsured laborer go out every day to labor? Courage! What makes an old man struggle against constant pain? Courage! What helps a young woman conquer breast cancer and work off her uninsured debts the rest of her days? Courage. What makes a rape victim leave their house? Courage! What makes heart attack victim in debt not lose faith in their country? Courage! Who takes Chemotherapy though expensive each shot after having to put Blue Cross in the position to say what's covered and what's not? What have they got that Joe Lieberman ain't got?

Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman and about 80 percent of the nation: Courage!

Anne Kornblut: Oh, you kids and your dictionaries!

But fear not, I'm sure somehow Joe Lieberman's non-brave brand of courage will still somehow leave him rewarded.

(pic by Twolf of FDL)

[cross-posted at Firedoglake]

Look at this SOB

3 Months ago, the whole medicare buy in was treated like it's his fucking idea...



Now he acts like it's the worst thing ever.

Bitter old fucker.

Thanks Republicans, Thanks Alan Greenspan, Thanks Democrats like Joe Lieberman, Thanks Bill Kristol, Thanks FoxNews

Oh, and thank you Wall Street Journal Editorial Page, because this Holiday Season of Misery is mostly all on you, fuckers:

As a longtime Santa Claus at a suburban Chicago mall, Rod Riemersma used to jokingly tell children they would get socks for Christmas if they were naughty.

This year, he stopped telling the joke. Too many children were asking for socks. "They've probably heard their parents say, 'Geez, I wish I had some money to get them clothes,' " says Mr. Riemersma, 56 years old.

A wintry measure of hard times can be found this holiday season on the knee of white-bearded, red-suited men around the country. A couple of years ago, children were shooting for the moon, asking St. Nick for Xboxes, iPods and laptops. But with the economy still fragile, many children are requesting basics such as shoes, library cards and even eyeglasses, say dozens of Santas who work at malls or on the party circuit.

Boot the bitter ol' bastard

Who needs him? Follow the assholery chronologically here ... and, of course, the "last honest" douche goes back even farther.

Who needs him? Boot him out of conference and strip his chairmanship. Fuck him. He's nothing but a war mongering tool of BigPharma.

Let him go on FoxNews 24/7 and whine about it.

Sorry Dipshits wrong again

I suppose I should wait and see what noted climatologist Sarah Palin's Facebook page says but:

Leading scientists, including a Nobel Prize-winner, have rounded on studies used by climate sceptics to show that global warming is a natural phenomenon connected with sunspots, rather than the result of the man-made emissions of carbon dioxide.

The researchers – all experts in climate or solar science – have told The Independent that the scientific evidence continually cited by sceptics to promote the idea of sunspots being the cause of global warming is deeply flawed.

Good

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I have real problems with the use of drones. I can understand their occasional requirement, but they can easily make matters worse and at heart the numbers of civilians killed brings into question whether we are on any moral ground higher than Al Qaeda's leaders when we use them widely. So this at least has some good news:

One person standing in the way of expanded missile strikes: President Obama. Five administration officials tell NEWSWEEK that the president has sided with political and diplomatic advisers who argue that widening the scope of the drone attacks would be risky and unwise. Obama is concerned that firing missiles into urban areas like Quetta, where intelligence reports suggest that Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar and other high-level militants have sometimes taken shelter, would greatly increase the risk of civilian casualties.

This sums it up about right

Let's face it, there are many douchebags in the Senate. The entirety of the Oklahoma contingent Inhofe & Coburn think soap operas are real. But the two that most enjoy being pricks, just do whatever they can to poke their finger in the eye of what most Americans want are nominally in the Democratic Party.

If there are two more immoral scumbags than Ben Nelson and Joe Lieberman who have been in the Senate it must have been the day Theodore Bilbo cloned himself.

They are all magically interconnected in their thoughts...

Obama will be interviewed on 60 Minutes tonight.

Over/Under that, as a black guy, he will be asked to comment on Tiger Woods?

And the American media says, "that's interesting, but this black celebrity slept with many blonde women!"

Ah, the wonders of our media age, such well-placed priorities.

Remember years ago when the UK's weapons inspector, who opposed the Iraq War suddenly died?

The said it was suicide...well, not so fast:

A team of eight UK medical experts say that Dr David Kelly, a leading weapons inspector who was at the centre of a row about why Britain went to war in Iraq, was unlikely to have committed suicide.

In Great Britain, thanks to the fact that investigations actually occur to hold past Administrations accountable...as opposed to here...the shit is hitting the fan. Witness the crazed dancing of Tony Blair coming to terms with the consequences of his actions.

But in this country Dick Cheney and his spawn are allowed to lie without even being challenged in interviews, let alone be accountable for their war mongering.

What do ya' know?

Joe Lieberman is on the Sunday Chat Lineup today.

Query, since say December 2007, 104 weeks...how many of those weeks have managed to have a Sunday pass without either Joe Lieberman, John McCain or Lindsey Graham on one of these shows?

I would less than half.

Another day

Another dollar for Ombsbudman Andy ignoring how the Washington Post decided publishing a moron's facebook page as an Editorial on the basis of she's famous was an awesome idea.

Atta J. Turk's pretty trusty NFL Picks

Another week another series of completely unprofitable straight-up winners that don't involve a point spread because you'd be an idiot to listen to my suggestions about what games to bet on. Nevertheless, a 5 and 1 week marred only by the the absolutely tremendous game the Cardinals turned in against the Vikings. That makes me 51 and 27 -- and extremely non-rich because of it. Good thing I didn't discuss the recent Steeler or Patriot games. Dodged a few bullets there.

Lions at Ravens. This is an example of a game you pick that helps you achieve a 51 and 27 record. The Ravens are freaking desperate and coming off a dog of a performance against the Packers. The Lions are coming off 33 dog-like weeks out of the last 36. On the other hand in real life, I'd like the odds of a Lion versus a Raven. But this is football life and I'm not insane, just off. Ravens will win fairly big.

Broncos at Colts: This is how the season works out for the Broncos. Won six in a row; lost four in a row; won two in a row. Pretty impressive, except here are the stats for the Colts, won 20 21 in a row. Peyton Manning and his gargantuan "Metalunan Forehead" will come through again. Take the Colts.

Dolphins at Jaguars: Well, twelve games into the season I have managed to never give a shit about the Jacksonville Jaguars thinking they cannot possibly be a team worth really considering as y'know good. Certainly my feelings are no different than the people who actually live in proximity to the Jacksonville Jaguars who routinely play to just over 40,000 fans. Now, all of the sudden the Jaguars at 7 and 5 would be in the playoffs if the season ended today. But, of course, the season doesn't end today and the Dolphins will win.

Bills at Chiefs: Ah, truly who gives a shit?. Take the Chiefs and forget the game was ever played.

Bengals at Vikings: Ah, the Ochocinco's vs. the Favres. A man who seeks nothing less than to be noticed against the man who is far too often noticed. Apparently Ol' Chad now wants to be called a Japanese name and threatened to go up to the ridiculous Viking mascot and 'blow his horn'. What will we tell the children?! The league just fined "Johnson" $30,000 for trying to cast a charm spell to keep Lou Dobbs out of Cincinnati (for which he should be thanked). This should be a close game, but I'm giong to guess the Vikings will be pissed about how they played last week, as opposed to folding like they so often have -- and yes, that's my 'inner homer' talking. Take the Vikes.

Eagles at Cowboys: I'm a big fan of chaos, at least in stuff that doesn't really matter much -- when it matters, not a big fan. In fact, I'm a lousy anarchist. I'm really bad at doing stuff like making small bombs and tossing them at Constitional Monarchs and their estranged wives and nephews. Apparently, this is something I have in common with most people, especially in this modern age. Plus, I've never really had anything against McKinley until I found out Karl Rove liked him. But in football, chaos is awesome. If the Cowboys lose to the Chargers (and I think they will, but I'm not picking the game) and the Giants beat the Eagles, three teams will be 8 and 5 in that division. Awesome. And just for that fact, I'm taking the Giants.

Outrageous Fortune

Looks like I picked the right time to watch two unexiting teams

As mentioned below, Wigan had on some really awful outfits today, but this goal was amazing. Just unbelievable:

"You bastard, I said let-go my Eggo!"

[From here, including the obvious joke]

Ah, my annual weekend bit of soft-treason

I do love really earning morning English Premier League on ESPN2 in hi-def. Stoke has been nominally adopted as my team. Wigan on the other hand, their electric-orange away kit (see I'm learning the language) would be good for deer-season and traffic alerts.

One gets the feeling that working for Michael Steele

Is a LOT like working for the fictional Michael Scott.

With lots of posing.

Just put them on a really shitty wedding cake

John Cole notices that the village press corps is dry humping South Dakota's John Thune as a serious up and comer in the GOP because he has a "pretty face". No discussion of his right-wing and moronic policies. So just get the amateur porn of him and Sarah Palin over with and launch their campaigns already.

I guess this must not fail the Chuck Todd, "that's not news" goatee tingler?

McCain has emerged as one of the leading critics of the new president.

I guess the 3 billion appearances on the major news programs since January 20th was their first clue, huh?

(pic via AP -- and apparently it involved his review of whatever low-cut v-neck Meghan threw on that morning)

In the Twittery Wilds

Today's celebri-twatter is notable, and objectively proven, highly-paid dim bulb Wolf Blitzer who has taken up the twittering.

Going to his page, you'll note that Wolf nee Leslie Blitzer is solely focused on literally giving you a play-by-play of a Washington Wizards game.

It's very Rainmanesque:

Somethings should be left untried

Iowa, though not ever, ever, newsworthy outside of our quadrennial beauty pageant (see, Todd, Chuck) and gay marriages still should not take advantage of our obscurity to try things like white-guy rap.

Tackling the Important Stuff

As the Washington Post editors admit they'll publish any ol' bullshit a Republican wants to crap out unedited and unverified, it appears that Andy "Andy" Alexander the Ombudsman is taking a few days off -- conveniently.

But before he departed for his appointment to catch up with "As the World Turns" he did have one parting post of important journalistic "integritude"

Post movie listings are "reinstated"

A long-running battle between The Post and theater operators over paid movie listings appears to be over, with the theaters getting their way.

Whew, the Pulitzers are gonna make it rain now.

Well, at least we now have new nicknames for him

Apparently, nepotism only carries one so far, even a Tracy Flick impersonator:

CNN’s Jay McMichael was the top vote getter in the Radio & Television Correspondence Association board elections today.

NBC’s Luke Russert, who ran a high stakes “Vote for Vigor” campaign, complete with fancy cupcakes, ultimately lost

"Fancy Cupcakes", which by the way, should I ever become President (a real unlikelihood considering how "the man" will keep me down) would be my Secret Service codename.