Bye Bye Ditto...Rush sings about America's Youth

Kids! I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids! every day they blow and blow away!


Kids! They are disobedient, toothsome suckers,
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, non pig-fuckers!


And while we're on the subject
Kids! You can talk and talk til your face is spewed!
Kids! But they still do just who they want to do!


Why can't they be like we were?

Never gettin' laid!
What's the matter with kids today?

Kids! I don't mind the moonlight swims, it's the snagging rimjobs that hurt!
Kids! Why don't they lower the consent age--to about eleven?

Kids! I didn't know what puberty was until I was almost past it!
Kids! They are just impossible to be bossed!
Kids! With their awful clothes and their salads tossed!


Why can't they be diddled like we were?

What's wrong with hating gays?

What's the matter with kids today?

Wha?

I found this kind of language laughably creepy when Barbara Streisand mentioned doing it with James Brolin (although Babs if you want to give money to a liberal blogboy I'll gladly delete this sentence) and by golly it still is. Straight or Gay...Sully, I don't want to know!

A few of you have had the temerity, the chutzpah, the salty chocolate balls, to ask if I've given up on my decision to drastically reduce my blogging commitments. Er, well, the thing is ... Actually, I have. In deference to my relationship (and my sanity), I'm not blogging in the early hours any more. I'm spooning.

You have to wonder

Michael Novak at the Intersection of Passion of the Christ Street & Bomb Iraq Avenue discusses his preferred Papal Candidates:

I think swiftly of several men I would enthusiastically support as our next Pope, men that I have met over the years: the young Cardinal Scola of Venice, Cardinal Schoenborn of Vienna (architect of the new Catechism, specialist in Islamic-Christian relations, wise and brilliant), Cardinal Arinze of Nigeria (wise, conservative, great sense of humor and vivacity, steady and solid), for instance.

Then there are three whom those I respect praise a great deal: Cardinals Bergoglio of Argentina (takes public transportation around Buenes Aires to attend to his duties), and Diaz of India (uncommonly thoughtful, and steeped in the special place of Jesus Christ among the world religions). Maybe most impressive of all is the strong executive, Camillo Ruini, favored by Pope John Paul II as his vicar actually to run the diocese of Rome, in which vocations are up, as is mass attendance. Ruini ran the Italian Bishops Conference during the Iraq period, and called attention to human rights abuses in Iraq and the just causes behind Italy's modest military support for the Coalition that ousted Saddam Hussein's brutal regime. For this, he won the gratitude of the Chaldean Patriarch of Iraq, who also came personally to thank Ambassador James Nicholson, the US ambassador to the Vatican, for saving his people, one of the oldest of all Christian communities, and in danger of extinction. If the bishops are looking for real leadership--a doer, and a very smart and pastoral one--Ruini may be their man. John Paul II thought a lot of him.

I have heard others put Cardinal Pell of Australia on the list, and he's a great candidate, too, in my book, another doer and good thinker, tall and straight and candid. Australia is in the South, after all. (Unless by "South" people don't really mean geography... Japan is in the South, too.)

One wonders what Mr. Novak would think of the following individual:

"Okay, first off he's a little too Jewish. Second, sure he has ample construction experience, but little to none in the proper dogma. His knowledge of the curia is limited. He also has made prominant pronouncements supporting the duty of individuals to pay taxes to the state, while at the same time condemned the prominant capitalist practice of interest on capital. Further, he has been remarkably silent on important issues such as birth control, abortion, and homosexuality. I am very concerned about his too strong inclinations toward feminine, as opposed to masculine, virtues. In short, I cannot think of a worse choice to be the leader of the Church."

You know now that I think about it...

The story below about Hannity coaching his guests prior to the show as to what to say makes perfect sense.

Having seen some of the mouth-breathers they have on that show, it is unlikely they can read the talking points off the cue-cards.

*drum roll*


Thank you. Drive Safely, try the Steak DeBurgo.


*Thanks to SousyHawk for the gif.

Douchebaggery Update

Probably not much of a surprise, but a nice catch nonetheless:

If the conservative guests on Fox News' "Hannity and Colmes" sound especially on-message, that's because they're being coached by the best:

Sean Hannity himself.

On the March 31 installment of the shouting-head show, the guests included two of the late Terri Schiavo's former nurses, Trudy Capone and Carla Sauer Iyer, arguing that their patient wasn't brain-dead.

Between commercials, according to an off-air audiotape obtained by investigative comedian Harry Shearer for last Sunday's episode of his weekly radio program, "Le Show," Hannity coached the women on exactly how to respond when liberal co-host Alan Colmes cross-examined them.

"Just say, 'I'm here to tell what I saw,'" Hannity can be heard instructing his guests. "No matter what the question, 'I'm here to tell you what I saw. I'm here to tell you what I saw.'"

Hannity adds helpfully: "Say, 'I'm not going to be distracted by silliness.' How's that? Does that help you? Look into that camera. Look at me when I'm talking."

On the air, Iyer performs beautifully. "I don't have any opinions or judgments. I was there," she declares

After the segment ends, Hannity gushes off the air to the nurses: "We got the points out. It's hard, this isn't easy. But you did great, both of you. Thank you, guys. Those nurses are powerful, aren't they?"

On his radio show, Shearer injected: "Yeah, especially when they do what you tell 'em to do. Very powerful when they follow instructions from the host!"

A Fox News flack didn't respond to Lowdown's detailed message yesterday.

Golly, it never would have dawned on me that the right-wing preps their guests and their talking points incessantly. No wonder Hannity & Colmes has such a lofty reputation as being the modern version of the David Suskind Show.

Ack!

Hysterical Blindness

Michelle Malkin regarding tasteless T-Shirts and yes they are inappropriate and tasteless:

And before the "everybody does it" apologists pooh-pooh this lunatic anti-Bush merchandise: There's tasteless political paraphernalia on both sides of the aisle, but I've already searched and there are currently no "Kill Kerry" products, blood-spattered or otherwise, being sold at Cafe Press.

Maybe because Kerry is now six months old news?

If we are here to discuss violence Michelle, perhaps you might mention your failure to bring up this guy?



But, but:



Crooks & Liars had similar thoughts.

Friday Miscellaneous Lifeform Blogging BONUS

Fuck it, I'm not going to just follow the pack.

When I've got a chance to post a NEW miscellaneous lifeform, dammit, I'll do it. Let's see you beat me to this, big time progressive bloggers!

The "Aye-Aye" is more than just a run of the mill animal, it is also the look of the typical Republican Congressman when told that Tom DeLay wants to see them.


The Aye-Aye, the world's first permanently hung-over Lemur.

Everything must be MONOGRAMMED!

And I mean, EVERYTHING!


As Republicans consider the Bankruptcy bill, MBNA lobbyists storm the beaches of the Potomac.


Sneaking out...10:57 in the morning, the Sizzler opens in three minutes.


JimmyJeff attends a different kind of "ballgame".


Throws like a cheerleader.



"Wow, look at that would you, how he handles that thing?"

"I went to the wrong ballgame."

Wingnuttery

Holy Rolf Benirschke!

Atrios also takes note of what we have also noticed. Pat Sajak is a first class nutjob...and not particularly bright. I have to wonder how many of those _uzzles, Pat could solve.

The Ed Grimley meter is on "disappointed" I must say.


Oh, and Wink Martindale too? Aiyeeee!

Tragedy plus Irony equals -- BushCo.

Tom - Daai Tou Laam gives us an indication of how "1984" it has all become:

The military has completed an investigation into former NFL star Pat Tillman's death in Afghanistan that aimed to address concerns raised about whether the Army held back information, but its findings won't be made public.

Friday Miscellaneous Lifeform Blogging

I can tell you that thanks to Froomkin via Holden I will should have never have an easier time at picking a miscellaneous lifeform than this go 'round.

Unfortunately, Froomkin wrote about this on Wednesday, meaning that most of the big-boy bloggers have already commented upon it. "Damn You Froomkin!!"

U.S. President George Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld may not all get a library, airport or highway named after them. But each has a slime-mold beetle named in his honor.

Two former Cornell University entomologists who recently had the job of naming 65 new species of slime-mold beetles named three species that are new to science in the genus Agathidium for members of the U.S. administration. They are A. bushi Miller and Wheeler, A. cheneyi Miller and Wheeler and A. rumsfeldi Miller and Wheeler.

...oh, Photoshoppers?

Coincidence?

Not that it is not possible in the bloggy blog world that people can come up with the same general idea, but sometimes there are things that are similar to what other people have done and we wonder.

I hope it is not some kind of virtual ass-fucking.

Rising Hegemon, April 9, 2005...

Wonkette, April 14, 2005...

Again, could be coincidence, its hardly like they published a lengthy original piece like Busy Days at Crawford; Look over there it's Julia Roberts Babies; or What the Arab Street Wants by Thomas Friedman.

When Wankers Wank

So somebody writes in to the intersection of Pettifoggery Street & Alienation of Affections Avenue and the Grand Poobah his ownself, the Doughy Pantload makes a pronouncement about the lack of comment on Eric Rudolph from the various denizens of the bad neighborhood.

Rudolph is certainly newsworthy -- and if you google his name at NRO, you'll find it's come up a lot. But he's hardly representative of a news story nearly as huge, complex and interesting as al Qaeda and the war on terrorism. It'd be nice if folks didn't automatically leap to the conclusion that the lack of comment on something is an explicit endorsement of the most execrable position possible. Alas, it happens every day and it says more about the people leaping to conclusion than it does about those of us who are leapt upon.

Now this would be a valid point, were it not violated on that blog constantly. For anyone associated at "da Corner" to talk about leaping to conclusions is the ultimate in pot/kettelism.

I address specifically the use of Lucianne's issue of "al Qaeda" and leaping to conclusions. Let us go back a few months to how the Corner handled the laughable claim of Annie Jacobson and the case of "the Al Qaeda Marching Band" on Northwest Airlines on July 16, 2004:

MORE TERROR IN THE SKIES [KJL]
Michelle has spoke to Annie Jacobsen, the author of that piece. God bless her. (Both of them.) Keep watching Michelle's site. (In general, and on this.) It'samazing how in a 24-hour news cycle world a story like this only comes out because of a brave--and frankly, freaked--reporter.
Posted at 03:52 PM

TERROR IN THE SKIES SAGA [KJL]
Michelle Malkin reports that the Washington Post has been sitting on a story on that Women Wall Street article I linked to earlier--sitting on a story like this? Michelle's also been confirming lots of the details in the WWW story. This sounds like another thank-goodness-for-the-blogsphere moment.
Posted at 03:29 PM

There are some five other posts on the same date about this incident.

We know of course that Ms. Jacobson's claim was nothing more than sheer panic at seeing a group of arabic-looking men from Syria.

So on the weakest premise they go APESHIT, but Eric Rudolph, pretty much crickets.

To paraphrase a famous line from "Office Space"

Regarding a guy named Bolton...

Today's Bobo column -- which is soooooo wrong being on Thursdays, Bobo is supposed to be soul-crushingly vapid on Tuesdays and Thursdays, allowing us to at least be prepared -- has one "NO TALENT ASS CLOWN" defending another "NO TALENT ASS CLOWN".

As a lover of great lines...

I have to say this one from Billmon in talking about the "Coalition of Metaphysical Construction" is so good it makes me hate him from envy:

[T]he coalition isn't completely decimated yet. The Brits (who over the course of the past 60 years have gone from paying Gunga Din to playing him) haven't deserted us.

Ouch!

This Day in History and its Relevance to Today

April is a pretty damn bad month for great American Presidents. Which means Bush should skate by for the next four Aprils just fine.

April 12, 1945 was the day that the most recent of the three greatest American Presidents passed.

Eighty years earlier, on April 14, 1865, the man who is arguably the greatest American President (though Attaturk is more partial to Washington...but your mileage may vary) was assassinated by the original NeoCon, John Wolfowitz Booth.


"Sic Semper Moronis"

Not quite the point

Yes, Associated Press, it is true that many politicians employee family members, but DeLay did it on a grander scale of petty than most.

The Bugman paid his family a cool half-mill over four years to apparently admit they were his family members...undoubtedly part of his campaign to convince people that he did not belong to a species that laid millions of eggs under a kitchen sink. How he hides his other four legs is the real question.

But yes, DeLay is not alone. However, some of these people are on payrolls for good reasons.

For example, Mary Cheney is on 'Big Time's' payroll because it humanizes him and allows he and his wife the ability to bash people who point out his daughter's well-known sexuality for the purpose of showing Dick to be a fucking hypocrite, by being fucking hypocrites.

...all for a cool $81,000. That is damn good for protection money.

Joe Liberman employs his wife Hadassah because somebody has to tell lonely Joe that she loves him...undoubtedly as a friend.

And J.D. Hayworth? Well c'mon he employs his spouse because he needs somebody to read and write for him. Those tasks have always been too much of a challenge for Congressman Rubble.

"Speak slower please, and no big words"

"Mr. Culture of Life"

Aiyeeeee!

Somewhere Randall Terry is rubbing himself to release over this statement from certifiable nutjob, mass murderer and his likely personal hero Eric Rudolph, the John Brown of the modern religious right:

"There are those who would say to me that the system in Washington works. They say that pro-life forces are making progress, that eventually Roe v. Wade will be overturned, that the culture of life will ultimately win over the majority of Americans and that the horror of abortion will be outlawed. Yet, in the meantime thousands die everyday. They say that the mechanism through which this will be achieved is the Republican party, and under the benevolent leadership of men like George W. Bush the wholesale slaughter of children will be a thing of the past. But with every day that passes another pile of corpses is added to the pyre. George W. will appoint the necessary justices to the Supreme Court and Roe will be finished, they say. All of this will be achieved through the lawful, legitimate democratic process. And every year a million and a half more die. I ask these peaceful Christian law-abiding Pro-Life citizens, is there any point at which all of the legal remedies will not suffice and you would fight to end the massacre of children? How many decades have to pass, how many millions have to die? Is there any point when the cries of children will not go unanswered? I think that your inaction after three decades of slaughter is a sufficient answer to all of these questions."

Yes, no better advertisement for the "Culture of Life" than the statements of a mass murderer.

But Fox News says he's the Popularnator?

Oh, Oh:

SACRAMENTO - Efforts to generate grass-roots support for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's ``Year of Reform'' agenda fizzled today at the State Capitol at a tepid rally that drew anemic support.

With private security guards stationed along the Capitol grounds to fend off counter-protesters, only a few hundred Schwarzenegger supporters turned out for a ``Thank You Arnold'' rally hosted by Hollywood actor Tom Arnold.

... Schwarzenegger allies leading the signature gathering campaign for the proposals organized today's rally in an effort to demonstrate public support for the governor. Organizers said they expected 1,000 people to turn out. Instead, about 300 supporters, including a healthy contingent of Republican legislative staff members, took part.

Okay, having Tom Arnold as an MC seems to me to be a step up from Carrot Top, but still...

Such poor attendance...


"Oh, Maria, take me home. Mah mighty heart ist bweaking."

Keep up the Sideshows Bugman

Determined to shriek like a wounded harpy all the way to his doom, the bugman keeps gnawing at the bones of Terry Schiavo:

U.S. House of Representatives Majority Leader Tom DeLay, who denounced judges involved in the court battle over Terri Schiavo, said on Wednesday he has requested a congressional review of the brain-damaged woman's "right-to-die" case.

The House Judiciary Committee could seek to impeach those judges, but that seems highly unlikely as even many of DeLay's fellow Republicans have voiced opposition to that option.

DeLay, a Texas Republican, declined to say if he believed any of the judges should be impeached but told his weekly news conference, "I've asked the Judiciary Committee to look at the case and the actions of the federal judiciary and make their recommendations."

Somebody at Democratic Underground had the best line about DeLay on this matter, saying something to the effect that DeLay is determined to ride this sucker into the ground like Slim Pickens in "Dr. Strangelove".


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Waaaaaaaaa!

Recycling

I understand from Atrios that Rush used the word "blowjob" quite a bit yesterday. Not that the FCC will do anything about it.

But the thought of what Daryn Kagan is required to fondle seasonally made me remember this long ago post when Rising Hegemon was primordial and not nearly as sophisticated as it is today (ed. riiiiiiight) from June 24, 2004:

Dammit, its not just partisan hackery, IT'S SCIENCE

Of all of nature's creatures amongst the most difficult to breed is that species, fama pennae dextera, the "Right Wing Bloviator". Though their numbers are presently in no way limited, as time passes, and a new generation comes about, the biology wing of the American Enterprise Institute is taking what steps they can to preserve both the population and the habitat of this less than majestic creature.

Granted there were earlier experiments in cross-breeding in order to stabilize the population:

But AEI scientist decided this was most unsatisfactory, and frankly do not like to talk about the matter.

With this in mind, we present to you an illustrative guide to the lifestyle and mating rituals of this most unique creature.

One of the difficulties of mating the Right Wing Bloviator is identifying gender.


But once identified, the mating calls of the bloviator are similar, a deep gutteral utterance of a primal nature. Words that they believe work best are, "It's Clinton's fault", "Ditto", or most often a long string of "shut up, shut up, shut up". However, scientists note this has yet to lead to success. Nevertheless, here are a few individuals caught in the act of bellowing their mating call:



Unfortunately, it appears that when this call is made, rather than attract, it seems to repell the opposite sex. So the Bloviators are forced to make up for this lack of activity with other forms of substitutes for sexual release.



The Bloviators also have developed active fantasy lives, often mixed with an obsession with the dead:


Scientist at AEI have developed what they believe to be a solid theory. The bloviators sexual disfunction and lack of success with the opposite sex relates back to early life rejection by a member of opposite polar political affiliation.
.


While the above, may not relate to the issue discussed, AEI Scientists have concurred this is the most disturbing picture ever taken and most definitely indicative of a man who is frankly, never gettin' any.

AEI Scientist have tried a method described as "baiting" to get bloviators to mate together so as to increase their numbers, but despite the appearance of initial success:

One of the Scientists, Dr. Godwin, notes that the fact that the bloviators above required someone else to show them how their equipment works, or in the case of the individual on the right, the fact that no equipment existed, made it unfruitful. This result was similar to the experiences of an earlier notable pairing of bloviators which also was unable to produce offspring due to equipment failure.


Scheiße, habe ich nur eine Kugel!

Despite this difficulty, the scientists at AEI state that thanks to a substantial grant from the Richard Mellon Scaife Foundation they will keep trying to resolve this most perplexing, vexing and discomforting problem.

Internet Tough Guy

JimmyJeff, 8-Pitch Uncut:

Is it any wonder why I was concerned about the security arrangements at the National Press Club? STORY In the green room that morning, one of the panelists suggested that if an attack occurred I should "take it well." Thanks Wonkette, but we don't even tell rape victims to do that anymore.

Misguided attackers be advised: I know how to defend myself and I guarantee you'll regret finding out how good at it I am.

Well, let's see, since everything about you is a complete and utter fraud except for one thing, I take it your plan of action would be to turn to rear-entry, or perhaps peeing your pants (another skill I guess).

I'm guessing Wonkette was more of an enabler at that task than giving you a warning.

JimmyJeff those of us who have observed your tired act know quite well that intellectually you could not argue your way out of any position, except perhaps the missionary.

And it doesn't help that writing about you means that pretty much every sentence is a double entendre.

Rapture Tee Vee

So NBC's broadcast schedule this evening is comprised of yet another "In Search Of" like presentation on the FICTIONAL novel the 'Da Vinci Code' (already done last year by ABC); followed by 'Revelations' a six-hour mini-series based upon the "entertainment" portion of the Bible.

Now we know why the "extreme" x-tians wanted Terry Schiavo around a little longer. She missed the oppotunity to observe Bill Pullman's acting skill. Aaaaaaa Waaaaaa indeed.

Of course, NBC regularly gives us a clear indication that we are at the end-times via the insipid Leno getting better ratings than the vastly superior Letterman.

I still think that a Six-Hour director's cut of MANSQUITO or a 24-hour marathon of 'Joey' would be better (because after 15-minutes you're so numb the last 23 and a half hours just fly by).

People You Are Less Likely to Meet in Heaven

Tuesdays with Morrie, Saturdays with Made Up Stuff

Dear readers,

As a newspaper, our credibility is paramount.

On Thursday, we reported that a Mitch Albom column in Sunday's editions misled readers by saying that two ex-Michigan State basketball players were at Saturday night's Final Four game.

They were not. The column was written Friday, for a section that was printed before the game was played.

Albom was wrong to report that the athletes were there when the game had not yet been played. And the Free Press was wrong to publish it.

The things you find on the Internets

Culture of Life Trading Cards:

Tristero shows us the wonders of photoshop.





There are more.

Oh Jeebus

Found via Tbogg:

You know it was bad enough when your dog chewed up GI Joe, Barbie, or as usual the blank area that passed for poor Ken's nads. But imagine the reaction in the typical evangelical household when the Savior is gnawed apart?

A talking Jesus doll is due to go on sale in May, along with versions of Moses, the Virgin Mary and David, as a teddy bear maker tries to find a market with churches and religious families.

The foot-tall Jesus doll will be able to recite five Biblical verses at the push of button on its back, while the Moses doll will recite the Ten Commandments. The Mary doll will recite a long Bible verse.

Looks like Jesus and Moses have been hittin' the juice with Barry Bonds.

As usual, the jokes write themselves

From the intersection of Buffet Street & Don't Ask, I've nothing to tell Avenue

THAT'S MY EX! [K. J. Lopez]
Radioblogger explains why Hillary Clinton can never be president: She reminds men of their shrill ex-girlfriends/wives.
Posted at 06:55 AM

Fortunately, this is an experience that no one or earth can attribute to the writer. Except, I guess, people who say they were "just helping her over the fence officer".