...then I felt a scary shudder go through my body and brain. [ed. 'THAT'S JUST REAGAN] I barely made it from the desk to the bed, where I lay curled up in a hallucinatory state for the next eight hours. [ed. REAGAN AGAIN!] I was thirsty but couldn’t move to get water. Or even turn off the lights. I was panting and paranoid [ed. REAGAN REAGAN REAGAN!!!], sure that when the room-service waiter knocked and I didn’t answer, he’d call the police and have me arrested for being unable to handle my candy.
I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans and staring at the exposed-brick wall [ed. OH RONNY!]. As my paranoia deepened, I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me.
And then I realized FUCK somebody beat me to my obvious joke...obviously.