It is only appropriate

"Moron Junction" is begging for money to supplement K-Lo's kibble budget. How many magazines are so poor that they beg for money while sponsoring the worst cruises this side of the Andrea Doria?

In any case, they are using a "Star Trek" theme for their money raising -- well this being a weekend and all it can only require one response.

The longest post ever...and the recycling of a former post in its entirety. I give you all three parts of "The Wankery" in one convenient (and irritating) location:

BEFORE THE SPECIAL COMMEMORATIVE DVD SET, WITH DIRECTOR'S COMMENTARY HERE IS...

THE WANKERY PARTS I-IV

In the late winter of 2005 on Private Jonah Goldberg bravely asserted from his east coast suburban home that the nay-saying on the Iraqi War started by Commander Coo-Coo Bananas was false. Things were going great in Iraq and that some pointy-headed intellectual type like Professor Juan Cole was not going to dissuade him with something like factual information.

Jonah Goldberg, self-proclaimed non-Middle East Expert but "Common Sense" Genius: February 2005:

Anyway, I do think my judgment is superior to his when it comes to the big picture. So, I have an idea: Since he doesn't want to debate anything except his own brilliance, let's make a bet. I predict that Iraq won't have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it. I'll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now). This way neither of us can hide behind clever word play or CV reading. If there's another reasonable wager Cole wants to offer which would measure our judgment, I'm all ears. Money where your mouth is, doc.

Now more than one year later, the Star Ship Moronica has pulled up to space dock and the past has come back to pay Private Jonah a visit.




Private Jonah, you stand accuse of incredible wankery in the course of furthering unjustified wars started by your team. How do you plead?


Not doughy!


That is no plea, we will put your down for not guilty. You must come with us to the Starfleet Justice Academy.


Can I wear my girdle?


Yes. But you must come now!


You're not the boss of me, I'll sic my mother on you! Mommy!!!!!


Very well. If that is the way you want to be. Let us set our phasers to tickle.


Alright, alright, I surrender!


What are you thinking about Professor Cole?



On our last episode Private Jonah was arrested by Star Fleet for Criminal Banality. On tonight's episode, the trial of Private Jonah begins from the halls of the Star Fleet Justice Academy.


Private Jonah, do you wish to be represented by counsel?


I'd rather have my mommy.


You realize this is a port city don't you? We've all already had your mommy. (laughter) Boo-yah! Hizzoner in da hiz house!

But seriously, do you have a lawyer or do you want one appointed for you?


I have an attorney, he is coming now.


Where da young barely post-pubescent white women at?


Very well, is the prosecution ready to begin?


Yes, we are your honor. The Prosecution states that over the course of several years, Private Jonah has exhibited a systematic pattern of pontificating as if he is all knowing upon a variety of subjects for which he has no actual knowledge whatsoever. In particular, in or about the months of January, February, and March stardate 2005 and continue to the present, Private Jonah exhibited profound stupidity and engaged in such actions as to enable the continuation of policies which enabled the deaths of several thousands of individuals. All of this comprising conduct unbecoming of a Star Fleet enlisted man.


Mr. Derbyshire for the defense?


My honor, as a man of profound intellect and refined taste, I can state with sincerity that I have known many people in the course of my life. I can further state with particular specificity that Private Jonah here appears to be one of them. May I point out your honor that we of the Starfleet worship a serious religion where we don't believe in strange bizarre things like regular fasting and traveling once in our lives to a place in Saudi Arabia. Places I might add where a man isn't able to appreciate the nubile curves of a variety of young ladies. No, sir, we worship a religion of logic where we think a young hippy who preached love and benevolence was crucified to give us eternal life all in the name of greater corporate profits and military conquests. Further, our religion doesn't deal with so many brownish people, if people I may call them, at least people that fit within the definition of people so loosely defined as to include my client Private Jonah.


Is the prosecution ready to proceed.


Yes your honor, I call a nameless member of the armed forces.


My God! He's wearing a red shirt!


We're screwed. Speaking of which, how old do you think the court reporter is? 20 maybe? Boy almost too old. The Derb better make his move pretty soon before the nubile-ity fades away.

SEVERAL RED SHIRTS LATER


Does the prosecution have any further witnesses?


We do your honor. The Prosecution calls Lieutenant Uhura.




Ma'am has the Defendant ever done anything that you found particularly repugant?


Well, let's say that after a career of being typcast, you are in yet another movie, only this time, Mr. big-time Star wants to direct. Well the next thing you know if you want to be in the movie, you've got to act like you are sleeping with Scotty. Scotty, talk about 'defyin' the laws of physics' yeesh. And do a fan dance too -- that would be teh hot! And where are we going? To find God naturally -- God, that's right and who does Kirk outsmart in this one? God. Kirk outsmarts G-O-D! But not before climbing El Capitan because "I'm T.J. Hooker" dammit.

Have you ever seen that jackass sing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"? Oh-my-God!

And Now a Special Commercial Break:





MEANWHILE, back at the trial


Ma'am, are we talking about Private Jonah?


What? You mean that wanker over there at the table?


Yes ma'am.


What the hell is he doing in that shirt anyway, he sure looks like red-shirt cannon fodder to me.


I'm busy with the war of ideas over here, so I cannot be over there.


Man, you're a worse actor than Shatner. What the hell is next for you, a wretched Sci-Fi novel series?


Don't you make fun of "A Few Quatloos More"


I think it is time for our break. Has the bailiff arranged entertainment?


Yes, your honor. Our budget was a bit tight, but we scrapped together enough quatloos for this dancer. Who, frankly, was hard up for money.


Well bring them on.


I put a spell on you......


Because, you're miiiiiiiiiine...


Wow, way, way too old. Even I find this incredibly disturbing.


I put my investments into these twoooooooooo...


I ain't lyin', oh no I ain't lying.....




Well, there goes lunch. Has the prosecution another witness?


Yes your honor. The prosecution calls Kate O'Beirne.




Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a blind man.

Several minutes later

I'm sorry ma'am but there is some obvious discomfort in your appearance. Could you use your alien powers to change into something less displeasing?


Better?


Much.

Later,


The prosecution having rested, does the defense have any witnesses?



Yes, your honor. A surprise witness. The Defense calls its witness, show her in.


Nooooooooooooooooooo!


I can't believe it. Who ever would have believed it?





Part I here;

Part II here;


When we last left the adventures of Defendant Pantload, a surprise witness appeared, well okay, maybe not a BIG surprise witness -- but play along people.


Ms. Lopez, are you able to speak?




Talk, can you talk?


Oh, yes. It's just that the beeping, I think it is damn cool. Like Kate O'Beirne is cool.


You mean the hideous salt monster? The one that isn't Nancy Crater because she can take a series of vicious right and left hooks, and use her suckers to deprive an individual of their precious bodily fluids?

Elsewhere, a CourtTV viewer takes notice...



Back at the trial...


Right, but it's totally Kate. She's pro-life you know. At least until it lives long enough to make a nice high sodium snack. Perhaps you've read her book?




No I haven't.


Well you should. It's totally awesome just like Kate!


Ms. Lopez, as you know Mr. Goldberg is here under a charge of making profoundly stupid and ill-founded statements. Are you familiar with this charge?




Oh, I'm sorry yes. Force of habit.


How do you know this to be true?


Because, I was with Jonah at the time he made those alleged profoundly stupid and ill-founded statements.


Explain.


He couldn't have made those statements. Because, at the time, Jonah and I were fighting crime.


But, people report that someone of Jonah's appearance, including dorsal girth was seen making such statements?


That's because it wasn't Jonah that made such statements. It was...

(BUM BUM BAH!!!)


Jonah's evil twin...

The AUDIENCE GASPS...


Was Jonah actually the victim of his evil twin?

Will K-Lo demonstrate her super powers?

Will Attaturk ever be able to wrap this fucking thing up already?




Part I, Part II, and Part III available here.

Jonah Goldberg is accused of wankery. Now, as many of you know, such an accusation is an open and shut case. But Jonah has many tricks up his wireless doohickey, and when we last checked in, his "surprise" witness, K-Lo had provided Jonah with an alibi that in these times should not have been too surprising. K-Lo alleged that Jonah had...an evil twin.

As we join the trial, the prosecution is about to begin its cross examination of the witness.


I know she won't crack, she's a stonewall. I know you are the epitome of conservative bravery K-Lo.


Before we begin, I must tell you that I have been recalled to be an extra in "Lost" so a guest judge will sit in for me.


Alright no fucking funny business, if there is any fucking funny business I personally will vaffanculo each and every one of you fuckers.

Is the fuckin' prosecution ready to begin?


Yes, your honor.


Then let's get this fucker over with.


Ms. Lopez, that was quite a story you told about Mr. Goldberg not making outrageous statements, but it being his evil twin who did so. But that's not the truth is it?




Do you understand ma'am?


He's asking if your story is fuckin' bullshit dumbass.


I object.


Shut the fuck up! You are so fucking overruled!


You want answers?


I think I'm entitled.


You want answers?


I want the truth.


You can't handle the truth. And I know only because as a long-time Bush supporter I've never been able to handle the truth either.


Well, try.


Okay, Jonah and I were not fighting crime in a literal sense.




So the truth is, your story is complete bullshit? Complete mother fuckin', bullshit?


Right.


Tell us the real story then.



Well, it begins three and a half years ago. Private Jonah and I were both stationed at Space Station Santorum, during "Operation Man-on-Dog". It was just us and a few other special space cadets. We all had a lot of time on our hands and looked into other pursuits.

You might want to click and listen to this in the background here


Byron York worked on his fencing.


Cliff May and Wolf Blitzer fluffed each other's beards.


Bill Bennett played Andorian dice.


Rich Lowry watched.


And some nameless red shirts wondered about aimlessly.


I'm Mark Krikorian, I'm Tim Graham, I'm Rob Dreher (not even pictured).


Warren Bell, gave the Federation, "The World According to Jim"


The stardates passed by, I watched a lot of television and Jonah acted as a diplomat for the people that came by...


And then one day it happened. After months of little action, something happened. Conservative pa'an farr. Jonah and I got together.


"Love lifts us up where we belong...where the eagles fly on a mountain high..."

And Jonah and I showed each other, our little tribbles.


Dammit, I'm a doctor, not a blind and deaf man.


Things were fantastic, we were less loathing than usual. And then it happened.




An attack by the terrorist.


By whom exactly.


Osama Podhoretz, a hideous hell-beast.


Our innocence was lost that day, when Pod ate most of our crew. Jonah and I went our separate ways, but our hearts remained together always...literally. That's why I'm in this artificial heart chair.


I wish I was dead Jim.


Your honor, there is only one thing left to do.


You're abso-fucking-lutely fucking right you dumbfuck. Case fucking DISMISSED!!


On what grounds?


Because I fucking feel like it. Besides, we finally got to a fucking tribble joke. This asshole is sucking on fumes now.


I'm going to do my victory dance against Juan Cole.


Sorry, that was weak.

Join us next time for Jonah's new series,



and






FUCKIN' FINI!

Lying Sacks of Shit

While the White House was lying as usual about Iraq, the American Ambassador in the country was painting a stark picture of what a disaster Iraq is. All at about the same time as Bush's photo-op.

The Washington Post obtained a copy. After more than three years things are worse than ever and deteriorating. It's in PDF form, read it.

Initiate Kerning...I do hope Assrocket and the boys recognize "Courier New" as a font that exists at present.

I would have said "Gay Porn Star" but to each their own

Tremendous, short, clipped smack down of John Stossel by David Sirota:

Mr. SIROTA: Well, listen, John, I would encourage you stop reciting these dishonest talking points and the chatter you're hearing on the cocktail party circuit because the stats don't bear that out in any way at all. And here are the stats that you cannot dispute. In states that have raised the minimum wage, above the federal level, those states have created jobs at a far faster rate than the states that have not. That is because, when you raise the minimum wage, you put money into the pockets of people who will spend it and it spurs the economy. Now, that might not be heard in your book which purports to debunk lies, but those are the facts.

Mr. STOSSEL: Well, if those are the facts, why stop at $7. We should pay everybody 20 bucks, 40 bucks an hour. Then we'll really have buying power. It's just...

Mr. SIROTA: You're changing the subject. You're changing the subject because you know you're wrong.

Mr. STOSSEL: Well, the study side, and I now realize who you are because you, on my Amazon page, he came on and said, `I'm a smarmy-looking liar.'

Mr. SIROTA: You are.

A short summary of Stossels porn career - Wakka-chakka-wakka...and then call on the stunt penis.

Oh the progress...you can smell it, feel it, hear it

The smell of burnt flesh, fuel, and gunpower.

It smells like wankery!

BAGHDAD, Iraq - A series of explosions struck commercial areas in Baghdad within hours Saturday, killing at least 17 people and dealing a blow to a huge government operation to secure the capital.

The blasts — seven within five hours — brought the death toll around
Iraq to at least 23 people. The bombings also wounded at least 72. A day earlier, a suspected shoe bomber blew himself up inside one of Baghdad's most prominent Shiite mosques, killing 13 people.

When the government of Iraq starts conducting its sessions outside of the green zone, when the Iraq government can publish a schedule of events outside ot the green zone, when Bush can have prearranged visits outside of the green zone and American bases in Iraq, then perhaps we can call it progress.

Until then, everything else is assumed to be a PsyOp.

And probably is.

Alert the Underwriters!

I found this over at AmericaBlog -- A 3-Year old that loves Jim Lehrer more than Big Bird.


A Newshour with Jim Lehrer Birthday Party Theme. Watch the video in the upper right!

Remember in some parts of Minnesota, the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

In regards to the last post

If you guessed some alleged commie-pinko Anti-American Democrat like Nancy Pelosi or Michael Moore you would be wrong.


This is about how future REPUBLICAN Abraham Lincoln would have looked in 1848 when he was criticizing "Mr. Polk's War" with Mexico.


Picture from here.

Name the America-Hater

Since the last couple days have been set aside for the GOP to stay "waist deep in big sandy" who authored and spoke this anti-war screed?

I shall be fully convinced of what I more than suspect already—that he is deeply conscious of being in the wrong; that he feels the blood of this war, like the blood of Abel, is crying to Heaven against him . . ., and trusting to escape scrutiny by fixing the public gaze upon the exceeding brightness of military glory, that attractive rainbow that rises in showers of blood—that serpent's eye that charms to destroy, ... he now finds himself he knows not where....

As I have before said, he knows not where he is. He is a bewildered, confounded, and miserably perplexed man. God grant he may be able to show there is not something about his conscience more painful than all his mental perplexity.

"It's the 'National Summit' Colin..."

"Let me mount you once more, with feeling."

REUTERS/Jason Reed

"You can't have my stapler"

(AFP/Brendan Smialowski)

"So this is as good as it's gonna get"

And all I got is 37%...

REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Another special message for Tony Snow

There are over 50,000 colorectal cancer deaths in the United States every year.

But that's just a number.

Outdoing Stalin by a factor of 400

Shorter Tony Snow:

One death is a tragedy, 2,500 is just a statistic.

Stay the course?

The 2,500

Won't somebody think of the Morons?

Conservative Easter Seals begins as National Review begs for donations. Admitting that they are pretty much a "loss leader" for "Dear Leader" the magazine that Scaife writes off is begging America's fools to give them money.

Don't eat, don't drink, don't pay for a handjob -- no, Conservatives, give money so that K-Lo might nosh.

If they do not collect enough money they might have to put her down. Which would certainly involve some level of tragic irony -- that she gets put to sleep while frozen embryos remain inviolate. Granted, a rather hilarious tragic irony, but certainly not a good day for her. Besides, there's still years to run on Mitt Romney's restraining order.

Or, of course, you could give money to Dr. Atta J. Turk and help maintain the parasitic relationship I have with Jonah's ever growing skull goiter. So give what you feel like, (or don't I don't mind it's beer money) by clicking the paypal button on the right. All I can say is, I'm nobody's tax write-off.

Sadly.

Media Realignment

You might ask yourself what is a good, critical media for? What do those overquaffed guys and gals do with their time?

A Hawaii vacation, season football tickets, Dom Perignon champagne ordered at a strip club not to mention all those lap dances, even a sex change operation these are all these that we all think about when it comes to Hurricane Katrina right?

Well the mainstream newies are going crazy over these and other items that were paid with federal assistance moola that was supposed to go to hurricane victims. Funny, I would have thought those are all things that were bought during one of those Take-back Sundays. We all know how those Baptists and Pentecostals go wild and crazy on Saturday and Sunday night when they get filled with their communal cult-like self righteousness. Haven't we all seen those "Churchies gone Wild" videos?

I have a different perspective on this problem, and certainly be appropriately sensative to the many people who were killed and nearly killed by the ineffectual FEMA and Bush disaster planning (I thought that the so-called official under Bush thought that they were supposed to create disasters not respond or prevent them).

Well what was that money supposed to pay for? Really? When one studies the Iraq clusterthang it is clear that the Bush mis-administrators supremo can do many things, lose and misspend millions and billions... but build infrastructure? Nope. So why is the sheep media so bent out of shape over these misspent dollars? The folks who took and well... stolemisappropriated creatively spent that money are only following a less than proud legacy of the Bush regime.

I mean, its like the media have not spent any attention at all to the weak and ineffective infrastructure building of the military (which last time I check that was not their job) in Iraq. We have millions missing in Iraq. We are dumping billions to pay for a war that no one but the neocons in and out of the White House wanted. There are thousands (if not millions) that have been grotesquely used, and the media is screaming about a few allocation problems with hurricane Katrina!?!

But that's exactly what happened.

For the Department of Health and Human Services...

A public service announcement from former First Lady Barbara Bush:

"Studies indicate that breast feeding your child is better than feeding through formula. I'm Barbara Bush and I'm here to advocate the breast feeding of your children. Why, if George hadn't been breast fed, I'd doubt he'd have grown up to be President. I remember it as if it were yesterday, baby George suckling on the ample breasts of Consuela. It was really hard on George when we deported her when he went off to Yale. But then there was no reason for his father to breast feed too, no matter that he needed to demonstrate to the boy. Why do you need to show a seventeen year old kid how to suck on a teat? But I digress. Please find your child a breast if you can, I know I could."

Sorry

*phone rings*


Reporter: "LA Times White House Bureau"

George Bush: Yes, I'd like to speak to Peter Wallsten.

Wallsten: This is he.

George Bush: Oh, (speaks loud, yelling actually... and slowly) I'd...like...to...apologize...for...making fun...of...your...sunglasses!! I did...not...know...you...were...BLIND!!

Wallsten: Um, that's alright Mr. President, I'm sure you did not know.

George Bush: (still loud & slow) I...want...you...to...know...that I...have...nothing...against...disfunctional...or gimpy...people...even some...of you...who make me feel weird!!

Wallsten: Um, okay.

Bush: Say!!! I...bet...you...like...Ray Charles...don't you?!!!

Wallsten: Well, sure Mr. President.

Bush: Too...bad...he...died from...being...blind!!

Wallsten: Ummmm....

Bush: I...want...you...to...know that...I used to...like...James Franciscus's...work!

Wallsten: Alright.

Bush: I...especially...liked him...in 'Beneath...the...Planet...of...the...Apes'!!

Wallsten: That's nice Mr. President.

Bush: So...when...I...call...you...Longstreet...I'll mean...it...as...a compliment!!!

Wallsten: I'll keep that in mind sir.

Bush: You know...I know...other...people...who are...handicapped!!!

Wallsten: Oh?

Bush: Yes, my sister...Doro!! She's...beefy...real beefy...sooooo very beefy!!!

Wallsten: Yes, I know your sister, but...

Bush: And...when we...were...kids...we had...this gardener from Mexico...with a speech impediment!!! Oh, the fun we...had!!! Oh...I...miss, "Senor Hairlip!!"

Wallsten: [uncomfortable] Yes...sir.

Bush: I...always...give...to...Jerry's Kids!!!

Wallsten: Okay.

Bush: So you...buck up...there...Longstreet!!! We're workin'...on...a...cure for...what...you've got!! Like in Charly!!!

Wallsten: Yessir.

Bush: We're...makin'...good...progress!!! Say...look, I mean, um...[uncomfortably long silence]...ummmmmm....looooooook at the time?!!!!...You must...have...to go...watch...Wapner!!! You have...a...good...day...now, Longstreet!!!!!

Wallsten: Thank you sir.

*click*

Great unreported moments in Bush Snarkitude

January 9, 2002 - Sarasota, Florida


October 11, 2004 - White House Rose Garden


March 17, 2006 - White House


March 20, 2005 - White House

While "It" that cannot be gendered...

...was sucking on Leno, who as usual was blowing -- Letterman, who probably has way too much class to have Coulter on his show, still managed to issue this (paraphrase):

"In New Zealand they have developed a live sex act in which a bull mounts a simulated cow.

Nice to see Ann Coulter's still getting work."

Two can play that game

Oh, the wankertude that is John Podhoretz, one of a whole group of sons of conservative activists that get hired into the incestuous world of underwritten conservative loss leaders (and in JPod's case 2 of them the NY Post & National Review) and marvel at the hard work that enabled them to rise so, well, moderately.

A fitting notion for a nation ruled by genetic offal.

Never one to pass up a cheap shot, for a man who was villified by the Right only to be proven about every fucking point he ever made about Iraq, teh JPOD pulls this out of his rectum of imbecility (his legacy):

Scott Ritter on The Nation Cruise [John Podhoretz]
I hope there aren't a lot of underage girls on that cruise.
Posted at 5:24 PM

We'd hate to miss this opportunity to imply anything untoward against teh JPOD who managed to be wrong about damn near everything about Iraq -- including, probably, the spelling of it.

Ok, Call the Mothership...

because I am ready to leave. The folks on this planet, at least those that I am relatively geographically close to are insane and I am tired of the insanity.

A retired farmer who claims to have served in a branch of the German military in World War II is dedicating part of his little ol' piece of earth into... a memorial to Adolf Hitler. That's right, I am sure most people think of him as a harmless old retired farmer who just wants to profess his undying love of the furher.

Ted Junker, 87, plans a grand opening June 25 and says his goal is to clear up what he says are inaccuracies about the war and Hitler's role in it. "I like the U.S.," he said. "I can't understand why people don't know the truth. This is for understanding, not hate."

Junker said the memorial is in a concrete structure in the side of a hill and has a German flag and other items for display.

Kathy Heilbronner, assistant director of the Milwaukee Jewish Council for Community Relations, described Junker as a classic Holocaust denier. She said he chooses to ignore the ample evidence of the Holocaust.

Junker said he volunteered to join the German Waffen-SS in 1940. The Waffen-SS was the fighting branch of the Nazi party's dreaded paramilitary unit, the Schutzstaffel. Commonly known as the SS, the unit acted as a special police force and was involved in some of the worst crimes committed in territory under Nazi control during World War II.

Better equipped than regular army troops, the Waffen-SS was used notably to secure Nazi-occupied areas and to combat partisans or other opposition forces. They also fought on the front lines next to regular army troops.

In 1955, Junker said he came to the United States. He said he worked as a janitor in Chicago and bought 120 acres in Walworth County 43 years ago to farm.

Sugar Creek Town Chairman Loren Waite said Junker told local officials he was going to build a tractor shed, not a Hitler memorial, and he hasn't applied for the conditional-use permit he would need for the venture.

"As long as it was just on his back 40, that was one thing, but now that he's gone public, we're afraid of what's going to happen here," Waite said.

Afraid of what is going to happen? This memorial is for understanding? Hello, Enterprise? Mr. Scott? Or am I in some alternate reality? That sure would explain a lot. Has anyone seen if Mr. Spock is sporting a beard?

Oh...mah...GAWD!!!

This was up at Daily Kos, frontpaged even, so the story will definitely get around. But...either how awkward...or rude:

Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times begins to ask Bush a question at the press confeerence:

Bush: You gonna ask your question with shades on?

Wallsten: Yes...

Bush: But there's no sun out here.

Wallsten: It depends on your perspective.

Bush: Touché.

Ken Wallsten is BLIND!

Wasn't it just about a month ago that Bush asked an older man in a wheel chair who couldn't stand, "You look mighty comfortable?"

I'm sure your talking heads will be slobbering over his performance

Because that is what they pretty much do every time Bush does something Photo-Op(erational). But the brilliance is spewing forth in today's press conference in which Bush is about as pissy and petulant as he can be.

Wherein we learned...

"I hope the electricity gets fixed 'cause it's hot over there"

He couldn't give more than 5 minutes notice because "Iraq is a dangerous place"

He trusts Karl Rove's judgment.

He was "impressed" with 'that fella'' and 'that guy' and 'that person'

Iraq is not Vietnam because Iraq has a duly elected government...something that would come as a surprise to those who remember when South Vietnam had a duly elected government.

Update: For those of you still holding on to the belief that John Podhoretz is not an idiot.

Nice

"Boner" Boehner's desire for a "rational debate" on Iraq is underscored by the memo he wrote to GOP members that Think Progress has obtained:

1. Exploit 9/11. The two page memo mentions 9/11 seven times. It describes debating Iraq in the context of 9/11 as “imperative.”

2. Attack opponents ad hominem. The memo describes those who opposes President Bush’s policies in Iraq as “sheepish,” “weak,” and “prone to waver endlessly.”

3. Create a false choice. The memo says the decision is between supporting President Bush’s policies and hoping terrorist threats will “fade away on their own.”

Lovely the way this improves the "dialogue".

They have the document PDF'd in its entirety.

What a surprise

For the 7th Straight Year:

Despite record low approval ratings, House lawmakers Tuesday embraced a $3,300 pay raise that will increase their salaries to $168,500.

The 2 percent cost-of-living raise would be the seventh straight for members of the House and Senate.

Lawmakers easily squelched a bid by Rep. Jim Matheson, D-Utah, to get a direct vote to block the COLA, which is automatically awarded unless lawmakers vote to block it.

In the early days of GOP control of Congress, lawmakers routinely denied themselves the annual COLA. Last year, the Senate voted 92-6 to deny the raise but quietly surrendered the position in House-Senate talks.

Meanwhile, you know that a move to boost the minimum wage will fail for, I believe, the 12th straight year.

Good luck suckahs...sincerely the GOP Congress.

Bitter much?

Poor Goat Fucker, less relevant than ever and cursed by the gene-pool.

Compare and Contrast

"Being President" versus "Staging Photo Ops"

"The progress here in Iraq has been remarkable when you really think about it."

George W. Bush, June 13, 2006:

Especially if by thinking, you mean not actually thinking.


June 13, 2006 (REUTERS/Ceerwan Aziz)


June 13, 2006 (AFP/Marwan Ibrahim)


June 13, 2006 (AP Photo/Hameed Rasheed)


June 13, 2006 (AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)


June 13, 2006 (AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)


June 13, 2006 (REUTERS/Slahaldeen Rasheed)

But in fairness to President Bush:

June 12, 2006 (AP Photo/Hameed Rasheed)

Number of bodies in Baghdad Morgue:

Prior to March 2003: 200 to 300 bodies a month

Number of Bodies received in Baghdad morgue each month in 2006: 1,000 plus, with increasing numbers each month in March, April and May.

Killing in Baghdad increased after the occupation, but it has flourished under the militia explosion and the creation of what Iraqis commonly refer to as death squads.

"Most of those brought dead here have been tortured by beating, electricity, acid, drills, and by other horrible ways," said an Iraqi who refused to give his name. "When any Iraqi is arrested by police now it means we will find his dead body in Baghdad's streets after some days. Because of all this killing, this morgue is not enough."

From the New York Times:

By now, Americans surely know the difference between a presidential publicity stunt and a true turning point in this ever-lengthening war. If they had any question about which one this was, Karl Rove provided some guidance in New Hampshire, where he delivered the campaign talking points to the Republican faithful: the Democrats could never have summoned the will to kill Mr. Zarqawi. For an administration that is supposed to be rallying a nation at war, it was a revealingly nasty, partisan and divisive moment.

How much did this little stunt cost? Since following the logic of Steve King (Moron-Iowa) Baghdad is safer for his wife than Washington [I for one, cheer Ms. King for going to Baghdad to hunt for Gucci deals and car bomb components] why did Bush have to fly in so secretly; with no notice; land and take off evasively and fly in a helicopter surrounded by other helicopters at low altitude? Why did he stay only five hours; fly off under cover of darkness and only visit a small portion of the small portion of Iraq that is the Green Zone?

All to look al-Maliki "in the eye"

How about you fly his ass over here?

So much idiocy so little posting space.

Where the fuck is the playboy channel?

(AFP/Jim Watson)

So, when was the last time a Head of State got 5 minutes notice to meet another?

Let alone when that Head of State is flying into his country's airspace?

Hell, Grant and Lee arranged to meet on several hours notice when the later surrendered and that was in one country where the former didn't recognize the latter as a representing a legitimate government.

I'm pretty sure Stalin never visited his eastern client states by essentially flying in and knocking on the door like he wanted to borrow a cup of sugar (and being Stalin also bust a cap in a close personal friend of his host).

Al-Maliki's big problem is asserting his independence from the United States.

This won't help because it demonstrates his complete dependence.

Good thing we're putting all those troops in Baghdad

That should work...

Insurgents unleashed a volley of bombings across the northern oil city of Kirkuk on Tuesday, killing more than two dozen Iraqis in morning rush hour attacks that were aimed at top police officials and security patrols, authorities there said.

The attacks came after what the local authorities described as the capture and elimination several days ago of a major terrorist cell.

The Cost of War

Chimpy visited Eye-Rack today for what cynics would say was just another photo-op and attempt to get more support for the war effort. Whatever the reason, we the few, the proud, the middling triumvirate, wish to remind our devoted readership of the cost in treasure is for this little jaunt in the Persian Gulf.

A new study by Columbia University economist Joseph E. Stiglitz, who won the Nobel Prize in economics in 2001, and Harvard lecturer Linda Bilmes concludes that the total costs of the Iraq war could top the $2 trillion mark. Reuters reports this total, which is far above the US administration's prewar projections, takes into account the long term healthcare costs for the 16,000 US soldiers injured in Iraq so far.

"Even taking a conservative approach, we have been surprised at how large they are," the study said, referring to total war costs. "We can state, with some degree of confidence, that they exceed a trillion dollars."

The higher $2 trillion amount takes a 'moderate' approach. Both figures are based on the projection that US troops will remain in Iraq until 2010, with steadily decreasing numbers each year. The economists also used government data from past wars, and included such costs as the rise in the price of oil, a larger US deficit and greater global insecurity caused by the war, the loss to the economy from injured veterans who cannot contribute as productively as they would have done if not injured, and the increased costs of recruiting to replenish a military drained by repeated tours of duty in Iraq. These are items which are almost never included by the US government when determining the cost of the war.

Not that anyone is counting. Except our great-great-great grandchildren.

Fuckup & Run

"Well imagine seeing you here. Okay, well, look at the time. Gotta go. Good luck with everything. See ya' a week before midterms...if you're still around."

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

The Blind Leading the Naked on Immigration?

Many of us have been following with ever increasing saddness the mockery of a debate and discussion over immigration in the United States. Right-wing crackpots, the new new isolationists, white supremacists, Christian extremists, separatists, milita groups, racists, and others have weighed in on this issue, alright screamed in their many strange and disturbing voices.

But now we have Mr. Ted Hayes climbing on board. Hayes has always been a charlatan, a reactionary and a self-aggrandizing phony. Did I leave anything out? Hayes styles himself as some kind of "king of the homeless" and has always worked closely with the LAPD. Not exactly a friendly position for the homeless, believe you me.

Hayes has never had a significant base of support in the Black community. A few years ago many of you remember, he called the police on the social movement Food Not Bombs for feeding the homeless. And this from someone who claims to befriend the homeless.

Hayes has always had his eyes squarely on the media and his own spin factory centering around, well... himself. His recent forays into "anti-immigrant action" have all been dismal, poorly attended affairs in which the anti-immigrant demonstrators have been greatly outnumbered by immigrants' rights supporters (including larger numbers of African-Americans than Hayes can muster). This is not to say there aren't contradictions around immigration issues, but Hayes is not a serious spokesman for anything except himself.

But I suppose the Anti-Immigrant coalition can now claim to have some African-American leadership with them on this issue. Perhaps, Hayes should look really closely at these new found friends of his. History is going to show him that he was wrong. Very wrong. But just as the Republican party trots out its minority membership come camera time... I am sure the Minutemen will do the same with Hayes.

So, he lives in Tallahassee

Apparently, Byron York had an interesting time in Vegas -- even if nobody wanted to touch him. He clearly touched himself.

Sadly, he also set off a nasty incident upon arrival in Tallahassee, Florida.

"Byron's Butt Rub sets off Terror Alarms!"

(P.S. in addition to not signing a blog integrity petition, I will certainly not sign a blog maturity petition)

Rove not to be charged...whatever

Jason Leopold likely not to name his sources.

So glad I just made jokes about this shit.

Look, Iraq is still a fucking disaster. Osama is still on the loose, so is his deputy. There's a new Emmanual Goldstein. The economy still stinks for anyone who isn't wealthy. The world's markets all went in the shitter overnight, which isn't a good sign. New Orleans is still a disaster. Whatever, bump Bush got (and he may not have gotten one) isn't much.

Between the time I woke up yesterday and the time I went to bed 5 more American soldiers died in Iraq.

So many people "bought" Rove going down -- so it looks like he may not be. Maybe something bigger is coming out of it, maybe it isn't. Whatever! Rove is just as much of a prick today as yesterday -- he is just not a prick looking at an indictment in a court.

He's still indicted for being an asshole and a enabler of policy disasters.

November (if they don't steal it) is the time to deal with Bush and his policies. Work for November.

With great power comes great responsibility...

So naturally as another Father's Day approaches let me take this opportunity to pimp unmercifully my cottage industry about being a father (because "Father's Day" is like a second Christmas at the Russert household). There is nothing that says 'Happy Father's Day' better than giving your father a book about being a father and implying that other fathers were better.*


And then I use this money to help my son, get jobs and pooty tang!



*If you are in your 30s or 40s and giving your Dad a book like this, um, it's a bit late in the game isn't it? If I gave my father this book, I would expect him to be quite justifiably pissed.

Like all sitcoms

It is important that all the wacky characters sit where the audience can see them.

"They're talkin' about Iraq?


"This is where I marked my territory Condi, look out."

The Next thing you know they'll be hiring a FoxNews guy at the White House

...oh, wait...

Dan Abrams has been named as the "General Manager" of MSNBC -- which I believe is the same position that Lou Grant had on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show".

I would like to inform all of you that Mr. Abrams HATES SPUNK.

That should mean that Imus's days are numbered (for the love of God shouldn't they be -- literally?). Certainly, the beginning of the Imus show will be changed -- you know that part where he tosses his 'oxygen bottle' up in the air.

Now, making a television personality into an executive is certainly a bit of a surprise. If I was MSNBC and I was going to hire a personality to be management, I'd have hired that Cesar Milan guy off of "The Dog Whisperer". Think of how he could have settled down Tucker Carlson (you'd have thought neutering would have done that), let alone Rita Cosby (constant ass sniffing and scooting). If not Milan, then that Morimoto guy from "Iron Chef", simply because that would be cool and he's good with a knife (like Scarborough).

I'd like Dan to know that there is a sale on bulk drool cups at CostCo, he'll need 'em for Chris Matthews -- along with the adult diapers with a special splooge reservoir for when Tweety discusses his love of Bush's "manliness".

UPDATE: Jeralyn Merrit says it is a good choice. Which I will ignore because it is less susceptible to lame comedy pieces.

This does NOTHING to solve the nation's Eddie Cochran problem!

But there is apparently a cure for the Wintertime Blues.

I'm currently watching a tape of last night's Daily Show

Apparently Tom Friedman is saying alternative energy development is about one or two Friedman unit's (F.U.'s) away.


Check back in December!

That about sums it up

From Crooks and Liars, no video, just truth:

He was talking about the Haditha incident and everybody I know has just been reporting what has been given so far, including John Murtha's statements. I seem to remember a time when Hannity camped out in front of Terri Schiavo's hospice for two weeks and let his guests call Michael every name under the son including coaching some nurses on what to say. I don't remember him apologising to Michael when all the evidence came in and made Sean look like a fool.

Yep.

In other matters of opinion, Ann Coulter is still responding to external stimuli so we can't put her down yet. But veterinarians are standing by.

Weather Report from Hell

It is snowing. Hard.

That can be the only explanation for this.

David Lee Roth now does Blue Grass music. Well, in a way that is. Mr. Spandex was on Leno doing "Jump" with this strange interpretation of Americana and I am still not sure what I think about it. I thought it showcased his vocals as being very weak but the music itself was kind of interesting. Does this mean that I should get my winter gear ready?

What is most strange to me is that he sings as if the original music was playing. As if what Diamond Dave hears in his head comes from stacks and stacks of marshalls.

"Best Week Ever" on VH1 does a segment on his Leno appearance that is a wee bit less than kind.

To all of this I can only reply that: "This here banjo goes to 11."

Might I suggest placement in a burning office building?

I'm generally against recommending someone committ suicide. In fact, I'm pretty sure I haven't ever recommended it for anyone. But with some people it's tempting, for example Ann Coulter. It would have to be at her own bony hands though, because I wouldn't club her to death with someone else's dick.

Or something like that. Let her use her own dick.

Besides, since the method suggested in the header has been done, it would be just like her to rip it off.

Faith-based is Faith Indoctrination

Does this look like indoctrination to anyone?

A recent ruling by an Iowan judge called faith-based prion programs what they really are... a violation of church and state separation. Aw, can ya hear the faith flocks around the country screaming? They will be soon. "Another attack on Christians!" "Another evil victory for those secular Godless liberals!" Yup, the victimization machine will certainly get reved up over this one.

And to think that conservatives think that liberals have a victim mentality? Sheesh.

It's a court case that could have major implications for President Bush's faith-based initiative: Is an evangelical Christian prison rehabilitation program, paid for by taxpayer dollars, constitutional? The answer, issued by a federal district judgee in Iowa on June 2, was a resounding "no."

Judge Robert Pratt found that the InnerChange program run by Prison Fellowship Ministries in an Iowa prison was "pervasively sectarian" and that the facts "leave no room to doubt that the state of Iowa is excessively entangled with religion" through the program.

The decision, which will be appealed, is a major victory for those who believe America has gone too far in supporting religious or semireligious activities using public money.

What counts as "controversial?"

Is anyone surprised by what the right-wing attack machine are up to anymore? Has the David Horowitz crowd worked behind the scenes to block an academic appointment in History and Sociology for the eminent Middle East scholar Juan Cole?

Juan Cole, one of the country’s top Middle East scholars, was poised for the biggest step of his career. A tenured professor at the University of Michigan, Cole was tapped earlier this year by a Yale University search committee to teach about the modern Middle East. In two separate votes in May, Cole was approved by both the sociology and history departments, the latter the university’s largest.

The only remaining hurdle was the senior appointments committee, also known as the tenure committee, a group consisting of about a half-dozen professors from various disciplines across the university.

Last week, however, in what is shaping up as the latest in a series of heated battles over the political affiliations of Middle Eastern studies professors, the tenure committee voted down Cole’s nomination. Several Yale faculty members described the decision to overrule the votes of the individual departments as “highly unusual.”
...

But university insiders say that the uncharacteristic rebuff may have been influenced by several factors, central among them the political commentary Cole writes on his blog, “Informed Comment.” They also contend that Cole’s nomination was torpedoed mainly by senior professors in both departments who were concerned with Cole’s controversial persona.

So, the likes of Ann Coulter can personally attack 9-11 widows and she is embraced, while someone with a brain in their head who simply and articulately discusses Middle Eastern issues is called "controversial."

So, what is next?

Just think about it. If the right-wing truly wanted to be honest about what they are doing, they could shape academic discourse for years to come.
The Rush Limbaugh chair in Media Studies? The Michael Savage Endowed Fellow of History and Biology? Or how about the George Walker Bush Department of Christian Philosophy and Military Studies?

What a mad world we live in.

"The MUSTACHE is never wrong!!!"

The F.U. (Friedman Unit) is perpetually renewed!

From Think Progress:

FRIEDMAN: Not really. You know, the problem with analyzing the story, Howie, is that it doesn’t — everyone, first of all, this is the most polarized story I’ve certainly written about, so everyone wants, basically, to be proven right, OK?

So the left — people who hated the war, they want you to declare the war is over, finish, we give up. The right, just the opposite. But I’ve been trying to just simply track the situation on the ground. And the fact is that the outcome there is unclear, and I reflected that in my column. And I will continue to reflect.

KURTZ: Unclear, but you’re running out of patience?

FRIEDMAN: Well, it’s not that I’m running out of patience. The story’s evolving. And what strikes me as I see it evolve, when it drags on, six months after an election we still don’t have a government. Then, as a columnist who’s offering opinions on what I think the right policy is, it seems to me we have to be telling Iraqis we are not going to be here forever, providing a kind of floor under the chaos, while you dicker over the most minute things when American lives are at stake. So I think it’s a constantly evolving thing.

Behold the Mustache, worship the Mustache!!!



Trimmed 'stache hair to Watertiger.

Here's a dare for Eraserhead

Byron "Buffont" York throws out this little dollop in a fit of pique over being laughed at by 1,000 progressives. I'm sure Byron only regretted attending Yearly Kos once, and that was continuously. In bitterness he tosses out this:

But at some point, coverage of the DailyKos phenomenon will move into a new cycle. In politics, no person, and no movement, can attract as much attention as DailyKos has received recently without eventually attracting scrutiny. And that will likely bring attention to what is said—and who says it—on the website.

You know, one could certainly ask, given some of their statements at Moron Junction, why Michael Ledeen, Jonah Goldberg, and James Lileks are not constantly tarred on the politicians that kiss their asses.

Like, say, Joe Lieberman.

Furthermore, one only wonders just how the Corner would look if they allowed relatively unfettered commenters like Daily Kos or Atrios -- or if Instapundit did th same.

Would they have the guts to be associated with those commenters, rather than picking and choosing what emails they abstract?

I think the answer on that one is pretty clear.

Mary Matalin in history

Berlin 1926


"Maybe you don't like his particular stridency, but he doesn't lie."

She's nailing von Papen too.

Helllllllooooo Mr. Godwin.

5:32 a.m. Central Time I'm calling it

Fred Hiatt and the WaPo Editorial Board will Atrios's Wankers of the Day.

Hey Laura...

"I think God is flippin' me off"

(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

You know it's been a few weeks...

Why hasn't the Brangelina baby transformed the world into a better place yet?

Sad Summation

With the word that the Bush Administration will attempt to keep American troops in Iraq in substantial numbers in perpetuity comes this daily reminder for hundreds of families.

My son, Curtis, was a warrior all his life. He was a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne, a scuba diver, Harley rider, competition shooter, white water kayaker and an outdoorsman. When the war in Iraq started, he wanted to fight for our country. Too old to re-join the Army, he joined Blackwater Security. That put him on the roads in Iraq almost daily, the most dangerous place to be. I've never seen him more proud.

He enjoyed throwing candy to kids along the road. Like me in Vietnam, at first, he thought progress was pretty good.

But civilian miscalculations — such as not sending over enough troops to secure ammo dumps and borders, and then deactivating the entire Iraq army, which instantly created thousands of potential terrorists — began to take effect.

I saw my happy-go-lucky son start to harden. His eyes, which always had had a twinkle, were different in the pictures he sent. When I could get him to talk about his job, he began to sound disgusted at the worsening situation. The last several weeks of his life, disgust had turned to anger.

He was killed by an improvised explosive device on April 21, 2005, near Ramadi. I heard a report that a woman had set off the bomb. In his coffin, the flag was pulled up to his chin. I don't know how much of my boy was left.

I understand the seething anger building in our troops as they are sent, time and again, into that meat-grinder war. They struggle each day just to survive the day. It's one thing to go down shooting, it's another to be shredded by an unseen bomb. When a young American sees his best friend blown to pieces, and sees the locals laughing about it, ask yourself, how would you feel? Do you think the "core values" training being forced on all of our troops is going to make them feel all warm and fuzzy the next time a bomb goes off?

So, now, we see President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on TV, deploring the suspected acts of some young troops. What we won't see are those three incompetents — pretending to be war leaders, who have never been in a war and who sure aren't going to send their kids to war — taking any blame for the horrible mess they have made of the whole thing. They don't have the honor. One of President Theodore Roosevelt's sons landed on Normandy on D-Day. That's honor.

Springsteen and the Seeger Sessions Band

I didn't spend the whole weekend reading reports from yearlykos and wishing someone would be writing about how cool I am and how you just wouldn't guess the crowds would just be following me around. So I went incogito to the Springsteen show in Des Moines last night.

I am a big Springsteen fan but I was not prepared for how well the Seeger classics and some re-worked Springsteen classics would play. If you can get to see it before it is over, I highly recommend it.

Byron York reports: Why these hedonistic liberals are terrible...

"For some reason I couldn't get laid! Liberals are mean."

I'm way behind on being hip, but way up on catching you a delicious bass

Napolean Dynamite on Letterman a couple months ago.



And bonus, Top 10 George Bush Highlights:



Everytime I put up a video I feel I have to personally apologize to Pansypoo.

Oh, and that's right, so far today -- I got nothin'.

Let's keep this story alive a little longer

Oh, we want more right?

The U.S. military flew in two forensic specialists Saturday to examine the remains of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi "to see how he actually died" and to reconstruct the last minutes of his life, a spokesman said.

I don't know why they don't ask Rush Limbaugh, he could tell you that Zarqawi died because the NSA saw that MoveOn.org was calling him for a donation.

Jeez, it's so easy when you are on the right drugs.

Evolution of the Zarqawi story

How our the government/media coalition has and will see it evolve:

Thursday morning - Killed by bomb

Thursday evening - he was alive when first found after bomb

Friday morning - he was trying to roll off the gurney they put him on

Friday afternoon - he was trying to escape

Saturday morning - the house we bombed contained skimpy women's lingerie

THE FUTURE

Sunday morning - the house contained a shitload of porn magazines

Sunday evening - his penis was really tiny

Monday morning - sorry, it wasn't a small penis it was a large clitoris

Monday evening - he, oops, she was planning to attend Yearly Kos.

"Stay Latent, stay latent, stay latent...."

(REUTERS/Jason Reed)

In Lieu of Las Vegas

Attaturk and I will be dipping our toes in a crappy kiddie pool drinking mai tais all weekend long.

Not much for celebrity sightings here is Des Moines because everyone who is anyone is appaently at yearlykos. Oh well, we are accustomed to our anonymity.

So until we decide this anonymous blogger thing is for the birds, we will have to be satisfied being celebrities to our mothers.

President's may get the guy who carries the "football"

But Laura gets the lady to carry around 'the horse'.
(REUTERS/Jason Reed)

Go help Gomer

Show he can get by without the help of that loudmouth Sergeant Carter!

Trustfactoring

Does this finally mean that no one trusts Bush?

WASHINGTON - Congress sent a loud message to the Bush administration this week that it will not tolerate any information being given to the Mexican government regarding the whereabouts of the Minutemen or other civilian border patrols.

An amendment to the annual Homeland Security Department funding bill now headed to the Senate blocks any taxpayer money from going to provide "a foreign government information relating to the activities of an organized civilian volunteer group."

That seems to me to be a pretty clear message about what Bush would probably call "Trustfactoring." Because with high placed officials (Cheney, Rove, Libby and others) breaking the law, leaking sensitive and classified information to newspapers for political sport, his mess of an administation probably suffers from a wee bit of a credability, reliability, and just plan trust problem.

Could this be that Congress has finally awoken to the liability to the American people that this misadministration has been for several years?

I guess, we can all hope so.

I don't know about this new direction that Time-Warner is taking

This seems a bit over the top...I guess it sells magazines though...