Jonah: The Final Front-tear - Star Date March 2007

In the late winter of 2005 on Private Jonah Goldberg bravely asserted from his east coast suburban home that the nay-saying on the Iraqi War started by Commander Coo-Coo Bananas was false. Things were going great in Iraq and that some pointy-headed intellectual type like Professor Juan Cole was not going to dissuade him with something like factual information.

Jonah Goldberg, self-proclaimed non-Middle East Expert but "Common Sense" Genius: February 2005:

Anyway, I do think my judgment is superior to his when it comes to the big picture. So, I have an idea: Since he doesn't want to debate anything except his own brilliance, let's make a bet. I predict that Iraq won't have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it. I'll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now). This way neither of us can hide behind clever word play or CV reading. If there's another reasonable wager Cole wants to offer which would measure our judgment, I'm all ears. Money where your mouth is, doc.

Now more than one year later, the Star Ship Moronica has pulled up to space dock and the past has come back to pay Private Jonah a visit.




Private Jonah, you stand accuse of incredible wankery in the course of furthering unjustified wars started by your team. How do you plead?


Not doughy!


That is no plea, we will put your down for not guilty. You must come with us to the Starfleet Justice Academy.


Can I wear my girdle?


Yes. But you must come now!


You're not the boss of me, I'll sic my mother on you! Mommy!!!!!


Very well. If that is the way you want to be. Let us set our phasers to tickle.


Alright, alright, I surrender!


What are you thinking about Professor Cole?


STAY TUNED for PART TWO, "Stardate Justice!"