The Wankery III, "Ironside"

Part I here;

Part II here;


When we last left the adventures of Defendant Pantload, a surprise witness appeared, well okay, maybe not a BIG surprise witness -- but play along people.


Ms. Lopez, are you able to speak?




Talk, can you talk?


Oh, yes. It's just that the beeping, I think it is damn cool. Like Kate O'Beirne is cool.


You mean the hideous salt monster? The one that isn't Nancy Crater because she can take a series of vicious right and left hooks, and use her suckers to deprive an individual of their precious bodily fluids?

Elsewhere, a CourtTV viewer takes notice...



Back at the trial...


Right, but it's totally Kate. She's pro-life you know. At least until it lives long enough to make a nice high sodium snack. Perhaps you've read her book?




No I haven't.


Well you should. It's totally awesome just like Kate!


Ms. Lopez, as you know Mr. Goldberg is here under a charge of making profoundly stupid and ill-founded statements. Are you familiar with this charge?




Oh, I'm sorry yes. Force of habit.


How do you know this to be true?


Because, I was with Jonah at the time he made those alleged profoundly stupid and ill-founded statements.


Explain.


He couldn't have made those statements. Because, at the time, Jonah and I were fighting crime.


But, people report that someone of Jonah's appearance, including dorsal girth was seen making such statements?


That's because it wasn't Jonah that made such statements. It was...

(BUM BUM BAH!!!)


Jonah's evil twin...

The AUDIENCE GASPS...


Was Jonah actually the victim of his evil twin?

Will K-Lo demonstrate her super powers?

Will Attaturk ever be able to wrap this fucking thing up already?

STAY TUNED for the Exciting Conclusion in the Wankery IV, "The Final Countdown"