"There is no need to pity me. Look how happy I am."

Read this Esquire profile of film critic, prolific blogger, master Tweeter, and all-around mensch Roger Ebert.

Heads up: there's a photograph of Ebert taken after multiple facial surgeries at the link. It's initially jarring.  But don't be afraid.  He's not.

Why I ignore Sunday Morning Chat Shows

I mean, Christ on a Werther's Original did Old Man Broder really say this?

Rochester, N.Y.: On "Meet the Press" on Sunday your colleague David Broder was talking about a possible Unity 12 ticket that might pair Evan Bayh with, say, Scott Brown as principled, centrist third party team. Do you think that's likely? Could something like this thaw the bipartisan ice?

Broder has achieved the impossible, he's now less relevant to political reporting than dead people.

Shorter Dennis Prager

Offended by a Doritos ad...of course:

No small child should ever slap an adult and if one slapped me I'd beat the shit out of the little brat as a reaffirmation of my manhood!!!

What Pereene said

Yesterday morning while flipping channels, I performed an experiment -- completely subjective in value, but revealing to some extent nonetheless.

I thought, "Let's see how long I can watch FoxNews and see how long it takes for some crazy person to say something completely batshit crazy?".

So I turned to FoxNews knowing it was Fox & Friends figuring, "five minutes including commercials tops".

But Glenn Beck was on and I knew it would be a miracle if it was half that -- c'mon Beck, Doucy, Kilmeade, Carlson those are the Four-Morons of the Retardocalypse (I apologize to Sarah Palin in advance). Let's just say when it comes to CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY Glenn Beck never underperforms.

Six seconds in, SIX-FUCKING-SECONDS, he completes the statement "so here you have a leading scientist saying Global Warming is a LIE!".

I believe he managed to utter this without tears, so it was a bit of a surprise in that at least.

But what of this, alleged scandal...well, it's about what you'd figure, as Pereene says (quoted at length):

Over in Britain, their papers have been going nuts over the revelation of errors in the last report form the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. There were two legitimate (but fairly inconsequential) errors in the report that were promptly corrected. The errors did not have anything to do with the question of whether or not climate change is real and human-driven. But, whatever! Cry "scandal" and let slip the "-gate" suffix!

When it comes to the question of climate science, I trust climatologists a lot more than British journalists. Have you ever met a British journalist? First of all, they're all alcoholics [Ed. CHRIS HITCHENS PLEASE TRY TO STAND UP!!]. Secondly, and more importantly, journalists the world over don't understand science. {Ed. JOHN TIERNEY & GREG EASTERBROOK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!] I don't understand science! I rely on scientists for that. But journalists do understand scandal very well. They are experts in scandal.

So what you have here are basically conservative bloggers relying on the scientific illiteracy of journalists to trump up errors (real and wholly imagined) in a report that is a summary of established science, which reliably turns into stories asserting that the evidence behind climate change is "in doubt."

And now the same British people who are all getting the measles again because they're scared of autism don't believe in global warming anymore, because it snowed.

One of this British publisher's examples of supposed major threats that turned out to have been overhyped (by the generalist media, keep in mind, and not usually by those cursed "experts") is "acid rain." The funny thing about that particular overhyped threat is that it went away because it was combated by determined government action. Our government-hating Libertarian friends at Reason magazine actually just named acid rain reduction as one of their five reasons Libertarians shouldn't hate Big Government!

And this was the best comment on Glenn Beck and his followers:

02/16/10

This is the same population that would burn atheists at the stake for being "skeptical" of their imaginary friend in the sky.

But who will laugh maniacally now?

Abandon Chin!

People [ed. so you know it's true!] reports that Leno sidekick Kevin Eubanks—whom Letterman dubbed "the guy with the guitar who laughs at everything"—is heading for the door.

I suggest CRAZY LEMUR!

Brodereeze from Pearlstein

As they noted at Balloon Juice...oy!

...many good people either have been reduced to shameless pandering (John McCain) or are simply giving up and going home (Byron Dorgan, Evan Bayh, Billy Tauzin).

McCain has always been a gigantic panderer...especially to the press corps, sickeningly so. Bayh, see below. Dorgan I'll let off, but Tauzin?

Billy Tauzin never went home. He resigned, during his term, to land a seven-figure job with the pharmaceutical industry so he could steer home the legislation he'd been pushing at their bidding for 20 times less the money.

To call that asshole a "good person" is sickening.

Tiniest of Violins

Evan Byah (who's father was the real deal by the way) calling for a the incumbents to be tossed out [wonder who that would put in charge of Congress?] and decrying the system...and how it leaves him with $13 million to put in his bank account.

And Evan knew how to bring in the cash.

Fuck you, you pusillanimous hypocrite.

All the above will be ignored, of course, in the obligatory forthcoming Broder column that praises his awesome bipartisan manner.

Unlike many spree killers

The Biology Professor who killed three colleagues was not somebody you can look at -- if you knew her history -- and say, her actions were shocking.

I mean, holy shit!

I wrote earlier shooting your brother can fuck you up, but it sure looks like the being fucked up part came before that incident took place. And unlike some conservatives this isn't like Huckabee's pardon of a serial rapists, but it is an indication that even a locally powerful person in the right location (her mother) can really throw a monkey-wrench into the judicial system (and speaking of being fucked up, imagine what this prior incident [daughter shooting son] did to that woman's psyche).

Of course, in between killing sprees she gets a Ph.D in biology from Harvard and joins academia -- no small accomplishment [and judging by her haircut toured with Emo Phillips, hell she might be Emo Phillips].

Just the weirdest CV ever I suppose. In fact, this sounds more like a bizarre Hitchcock movie ripped off by Brian DePalma.

Not that I have my finger on pop-culture or anything

But I have a Facebook page that I put together for some reason, and I share -- to some extent the Twitter page with DeDurkheim (he puts up about, oh 90% plus of those, I'm responsible for the occasional non-lucid tweet).

I have to say, the Facebook page is more of a pain in the ass than anything. Other than accepting "friendships" from dozens of people or more on the rare occasions I visit, being taken hostage, given virtual posies, and other annoying events I have no idea what the fuck point it has.

So if you are recommending stuff to me on Facebook, or taking me hostage, don't take my infrequent responses personally, it's just that I really, truly, wish I had not bothered and couldn't give a shit.

Now the Twitter-thing seems to serve the whole Zeitgeist element of Facebook without being a pain in the ass, I can appreciate that.

YMMV.

America's Concern Troll

Shorter Cohen: Watch me take this layup of a column about Sarah Palin with easy and lucid points just sitting there for the taking and get nothing but air.

But I'm a fine basketball player, just ask all my friends at the Daycare Center.

Still, there is one point:

The lady from Alaska is a phony. She has sold out for money, quitting office so that she could cash in. She asserted her small-town bona fides, her antipathy both to the establishment and the mainstream media -- and then got herself a ghostwriter, a booking agent and a (Fox News) network contract. She is rich, famous for the metaphorical 15 minutes Andy Warhol allotted us all and, elbows swinging, is forging her way to oblivion. She was neither a threat (the left) nor an opportunity (the right), but just a fantasy -- until the American people turned the lights on.

When you are less perceptive than Richard Cohen, David Broder, it's time for you to turn off the internet connection at the assisted-living facility.

Outstanding news

This guy is even better than an Al Qaeda #3 and we didn't have to use a missile to kill 80 civilians to get him:

The Taliban’s top military commander was captured several days ago in Karachi, Pakistan, in a secret joint operation by Pakistani and American intelligence forces, according to American government officials.

The commander, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar, is an Afghan described by American officials as the most significant Taliban figure to be detained since the American-led war in Afghanistan started more than eight years ago. He ranks second in influence only to Mullah Muhammad Omar, the Taliban’s founder and a close associate of Osama bin Laden before the Sept. 11 attacks.

Mullah Baradar has been in Pakistani custody for several days, with American and Pakistani intelligence officials both taking part in interrogations, according to the officials.

And as Spencer Ackerman so correctly states, keep interrogating, but don't torture him. Gather intelligence and encourage others to capitulate through civilized treatment. This is a big coup for the Obama Administration's approach in Afghanistan/Pakistan...hopefully it is the start of a string of successes. And maybe it will get some positive reporting to the idea that torturing is NOT the way to do things.

In other words, do the exact fucking opposite of what Dick Cheney would do.

Bring it on

Oh the crazy hay-makers are going to be flying:

Chris Simcox, the co-founder of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, the militant anti-illegal immigration group, has dropped his own primary challenge to Sen. John McCain for Senate to endorse former Congressman J.D. Hayworth, according to Hayworth spokesman Jason Rose.

And Hayworth is going to go full-crazy, meaning that Mr. Straight-talk will be both full of bullshit and angry as hell.

This may be the most enjoyable primary of the election cycle -- plus I don't live there, and that's a real bonus.

Please excuse me, but I’m paid to just write crap

Apparently, in between Broder columns and Palin Op-Eds the Washington Post has just given up trying to live in our reality.

For example,Charles Lane, on Evan Bayh's departure from the Senate:

Quitting the Senate was a no-lose move for the presidentially ambitious Bayh, since he can now crawl away from the political wreckage for a couple of years, plausibly alleging that he tried to steer the party in a different direction -- and then be perfectly positioned to mount a centrist primary challenge to Obama in 2012, depending on circumstances.

Yeah, right Charles, a Democratic primary challenge to Obama from "the right" -- "depending on the circumstances" -- probably the same kind of "circumstances" that could deliver you a Pulitzer Prize.

[Cross-Posted at Firedoglake]

The British Have All the Fun!

We need one of these!

Think of the fun we'd have with Evan Bayh today -- or any number of other wankers any other day -- with this.

Q & A

If you are going to ask this question in public, you had better know the answer before you ask it.

Update 02/17/10: HOAX. (Still think the above stands, though.)

New Gig Possibility for Evan Bayh

The Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America (a/k/a PhRMA) needs a new president as of last Thursday.

Just a suggestion.

Speaking of Ginormous Tools

I missed Joe the Dumber complaining that John McCain had screwed up his life over the weekend. 

Um, party of "personal responsibility" Joe?  

And did you ever managed to get licensed to plumb? 

Ginormous Tool to Retire

Josh Marshall says:

Evan Bayh will announce today he's retiring from Congress. Which is a huge blow for the Democrats and a big, big surprise.

How, exactly, is it a "huge blow for the Democrats"?  It's not like they're leveraging their majority or anything, so what's one less Democratic senator, especially a "centrist" nitwit like Bahy?

As for surprises, it's big big, alright. As in a big, big pleasant surprise. 

Good riddance, loser.

Update:  See?  The guy's a dick.  He's always been a dick.  He'll always be a dick.  When does he officially become a lobbyist?

Vice-Presidential friends

It has become the closest thing America has to an "Al Qaeda No. 3".

Before birthing (because they never abort anything) another talking point

Yes, Obama quietly raised the debt ceiling yesterday.

Like Bush never did it.

He did it four times...

Since Bush took office in 2001, the federal budget has gone from four years of surpluses, the longest such run since before the Great Depression, to deficits brought on by a recession, tax cuts, the Sept. 11 attacks, wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and Gulf Coast hurricane damage.

Five times...

Six times...

On the day President Bush took office, the national debt stood at $5.727 trillion. The latest number from the Treasury Department shows the national debt now stands at more than $9.849 trillion. That’s a 71.9 percent increase on Mr. Bush’s watch.

And this was just before the bailout.