Atta J. Turk's trusty NFL Picks

1. Steelers over Titans.










What, I have to give some others?

Okay,

Vikings over Cleveland, because Brown has asked what it can do for me and I politely requested it not hurt an old man. Oh, and then there's that Adrian Peterson guy who is a space-freaking alien -- and yes I believe everything I see on TV and don't you dare take my guns aways from me Obama Hitler.

Washington over Giants because I always pick the team with the most outrageously offensive nickname and helmet design.

Packers over Bears, because all previous Favre-love has begun its transference into Rogers-love. At least until Bart Starr comes back.

Bengals over Broncos, because for once Chad Johnson-cinco is the least annoying receiver on the field (do they play the Bills this year? 'Cuz that will make it twice).

Patriots over Bills, because Brady-love is more potent than even Favre-cum-Rogers love.

Chargers over Raiders, because what is more awesome than a game at the Raiders' stadium (the "Black Hole") where they play that awesome NFL-films provided song and poem "The Autumn Wind" and the Raiders run out of the tunnel and proceed to be humiliated by three touchdowns as Al Davis puts his thumbs under his chin, decked out in his NFL-properties leisure-suit and chained-granny-glasses (a look totally stolen by Kim Jong-Il), phoning down play calls insisting that Darryl Lamonica throw deep to Warren Wells? Well, lots of things actually, but still it's pretty awesome.

I don't pick point spreads -- gambling is bad for you. I suggest drinking excessively instead followed by a heavy evening of smoking in bed.

I'll be updating my record throughout the year. Which is why I'm generally going to give these picks on the following Tuesday after they're played.