Another Day at the Convention: Zell Miller's Duel

Well, I was forced to apologize to the Daily Show guy. He found me with his lap top and threatened to send Zell Miller after me so I thought that I should give it back to him. Apparently Miller is capitalizing on his pathologic rant and crazy guy image by renting himself out as a "can do" man of sorts. I know that Zell has already dueled half a dozen delegates for such crimes as swiping someone's pudding snack.

But the situation took a strange turn. One of the more interesting delegates at the convention was not even an American. Some short animated Japanese kid named Yugi was also hiring himself out as a vicious Republican attack dog. I learned later that he was hired by the guy who Zell beat up over the pudding snack.

As crazy eyed Zell stood over me, I handed the Daily Show guy his lap top back. Suddenly some kid with oddly spiked hair demanded to duel Zell! Wild eyed Zell, whirled around and screamed at the kid, "Do you know who I am!" The kid was nonplussed and pulled out a deck of cards. "So you want to duel, eh?" Zell said as he pulled out his own deck of cards in a highly polished leather case with odd lettering. "Fine, kid. But I should warn you I have not lost a duel since I defeated Kaiba at the Island."

Suddenly the kid and Zell each started laying out cards in attack and defensive patterns. "I play the conscience of the Democratic Party card!" Zell screamed. The kid countered with something called a Blue Eyes White Dragon Lie eater card. Screaming as his card was eaten, Zell quickly looked at his deck.

"Hey, where did that floating dragon come from?" asked the Daily Show guy. "Yeah?" I cleverly retorted.

Meanwhile, Zell countered an attack of the dragon with something called a "Republican truth mist" card. Zell laughed maniacally: "nothing can see through the Republican cloud of mystery, no truth escapes, no life escapes! You are defeated young man." Then Zell played an "Operation Iraqi freedom card" where thousands of soldiers suddenly appeared and attacked the kid. The kid just smiled as all of the soliders disappeared. "I played my Al-Sadir card. None of your attacks will work."

"Nooooooooo..." Zell screamed. You have smashed my attacks! How can this be... I am Zell Miller... I AM the conscience of the...
Arrggggghhhhhhh! The kid activated an "Intelligent American Voter card" and Zell lost of all of something called life points. He fell to the floor. As he hit the floor with a loud thud, a pudding snack rolled out. "Ah there it is," said the kid. He bent over and picked up the pudding snack. Then he walked away.

"What was all that?" I asked. "It was a Yu-Gi-Oh duel," said a voice behind me. "Mary Cheney?" I asked. "Yes, its me." "What are you doing here? Your dad is about to give a very important speech, don't you need to go to the stage or something?" She just sighed and said "No, when Mr. Cheney is about to appear before Republicans I need to leave. Its the agreement that we have."

"You don't get to even see it?" She looked down and said, no Lynne and Dick do not want any unnecessary questions about me."

"But they are your parents, they can not ignore you, can they? But I read that you were campaigning with your dad?"

"That's only among moderates, have you looked at some of those delegates... they make Zell Miller look sedate!"

"Dear God!" the Daily Show guy screamed. "I have to go do a report, Stewart freaks out if we don't do a run through." And with that he scampered out.

"Hey Mary, I know, lets sneak up to the balcony. I will wear a wig so I will not attract much attention."

"Ok, why not, I would like to see just one of dad's big speeches before the current gives out."

"Its not like anyone is going to notice you way up in the bleachers. Plus I can then finally get to see one of the major speeches."

And with that the two of us headed up to the nose bleed seats while I took the wig that I got from Camp Goldwater.