Bush getting Desperate for Endorsements

Somewhere in Ohio

Outside of Lake Erie, Preznit Bush donned a deep sea diving suit and plunged into the putrid waters of the once great lake in an effort to attract more voters.

According to Ohio campaign director Buba Tafeta, Bush was seeking to get a leg up on Kerry by investigating an unexplored element of support for his campaign.

According to Tafeta, Bush was venturing to the town of Bikini Bottom to get the endorsement of one SpongeBob Squarepants. Prior to beginning his descent to the quaint watery hamburg, Bush noted that "there are many voters who are just not aware of the deep significance of this election. There are plenty of unique aquatic people like Aquaman, Jabberjaw, and Charlie Tuna who need to know about the hopeful message of my campaign and be warned of the Godless, soul-less, evil of the Kerry campaign! I will work tirelessly to exploit every possible vote."

Bush continued his bizarre discussion just before jumping into the murky waters while aids shrugged their shoulders: "Listen, in a race this close, I have to reach out to all American no matter where they live or whether or not they breathe air or water."

After the great commander in cod piece jumped into three feet of water and splashed around in a sad attempt to get to the deep depths of lake Erie, a number of aids walked around apologizing for his insane behavior. Apparently Bush had been channel surfing the night before and came across what he called "the greatest American philosopher of this or any other generation. This Dr. Squarepants has the most cogent analysis of America that I have ever seen."

Apparently no one thought that it was important to tell him that Spongebob is a cartoon. In an act of surprising candor one aid noted, "Hey we have a Cartoon presidency, why not cartoon supporters?"

Why not, indeed.