Eggs Attaturk

INGREDIENTS:
4 egg yolks
3 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 pinch ground white pepper
1/8 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon water
1 cup butter, melted
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 eggs
1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
8 strips Canadian-style bacon
4 English muffins, split
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 Cup Sarcasm
1/4 ounce of bitters

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DIRECTIONS:
To Make Hollandaise: Fill the bottom of a double boiler part-way with water. Make sure that water does not touch the top pan. Bring water to a gentle simmer. In the top of the double boiler, whisk together egg yolks, lemon juice, white pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and 1 tablespoon water. Scream about how unfair it is that you are not blogrolled by Atrios...but you are not bitter. Blame your co-bloggers without reason.

Add the melted butter to egg yolk mixture 1 or 2 tablespoons at a time while whisking yolks constantly. If hollandaise begins to get too thick, add a teaspoon or two of hot water. Continue whisking until all butter is incorporated. Whisk in salt, then remove from heat. Place a lid on pan to keep sauce warm. Bitch about how Peggy Noonan and David Brooks get paid six-figures, yet you cannot even figure out how to get a paypal account up on your blog so you can maybe haul in five to ten bucks a month.

Preheat oven on broiler setting, do not stick head in. To Poach Eggs: Fill a large saucepan with 3 inches of water, think you can handle that moron? Bring water to a gentle simmer, then add vinegar. Carefully break eggs into simmering water, and allow to cook for 2 1/2 to 3 minutes. Yolks should still be soft in center. Remove eggs from water with a slotted spoon and set on a warm plate. Decry the fact that there are not enough pictures to caption for an extended period of time, tell yourself to get over it and get down to serious business of reviewing the internet pornography. Pray that Steve Gilliard does not think this is a slam on him, because it isn't (Ed: like he reads your blog you Putz). Get in argument with made up Editor as comedic proxy. Wonder if people are actually reading the directions sections and finding out this is actually a satire. Remove pants just for fun.

While eggs are poaching, brown the bacon in a medium skillet over medium-high heat and toast the English muffins on a baking sheet under the broiler. Deny Armenian Genocide and create secular military backed quasi-democracy. Oops, sorry, that is "Eggs Ataturk". Spread toasted muffins with softened butter, and top each one with a slice of bacon, followed by one poached egg. Place 2 muffins on each plate and drizzle with hollandaise sauce. Go to Atrios' comments section and blogwhore about this bitchin' recipe you are putting together, find another couple of posts and repeat. Refresh site until he puts up a new post, think of something witty so your whoring is less obnoxious, make sure you blogwhore in the comments early in the thread to up your traffic. Take empty satisfaction that more hits make you a better person -- try to get by on that one for the rest of the day. Breathe in the fresh air that is bogarting off anothers popularity. Feels good doesn't it?

Tell Benedict to get the fuck out, and put the special love that is Attaturk in.

Sprinkle with chopped chives and serve immediately, before one of the other two knocks all your posts down lower on the blog and nobody sees them anymore.