Friday, May 04, 2007

Other than the enjoyment of

My favorite parts of the Republican Debate:

1. Watching 10 old white guys walk around aimlessly for several minutes like a scene out of Spinal Tap.

2. Having Howard Fineman tell us that the sight of 10 white guys paired up like the five worst gay marriages ever, gives many in the country comfort. I guess because they like their gay people, old, white, lost and Republican.

3. Reagan invented optimism because George Washington and both Roosevelts were nothing if not downers.

4. Reagan invented compassion because Abe Lincoln was such a hard-ass.

5. I don't know how it worked out, but putting Nancy Reagan within "groping range" of the Governator seemed ill-advised.

6. Even though topics three and four were mentioned often, the references to Jesus were virtually nil. Considering how these folks are on their knees for their vote it tells you something about the whole lot of them, including the actual beliefs of evangelical leaders.

7. Mitt Romney loves "EVERYTHING ABOUT AMERICA", it is "FABULOUS"! I guess he's now the choice of date rapists, spree killers, drug mules, meth manufacturers, strippers, and porn stars...and, of course, employers that fire gay people [but not as much as Tommy Thompson].

8. Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee raised their hands to proclaim they don't believe in evolution, I could not make out whether they also had opposable thumbs. Perhaps it was because the digits were up their asses.

9. Rudy came loaded for bear on the Shiite-Sunni question and empty-handed on everything else. Biggest wimp answer ever on Roe v. Wade. The day that the decision is overturned will be fine, as long as it is accompanied by a delightful crab salad.

10. McCain has decided to campaign with the "Ted Stevens Chip" implanted.

11. Someone really needs to go all Preston Brooks on Chris Matthews the next time he mentions any Clinton who doesn't have a Parliamentary Funkadelic.

12. The debates are held on Thursday so "The Daily Show" doesn't make fun of these people.

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