Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Predicting the Future


* Bush appoints "War Czar", says we must give the Iraq plan time into the end of the year because his "War Czar" has just come on the job.

December 2007:

* Bush appoints "War Pope", the spiritual adviser to the "War Czar" who has been brought on board to instill withing the office of the "War Czar" the fighting spirit observed in the most loyal of Bush enabling bloggers. Bush makes recess appointment of FoxNews' John Gibson. Bush says we need to give this new arrangement time to work, at least until the Spring of 2008.

May 2008:

* Bush appoints "War Emperor", to oversee the the war policy that is emerging from the office of the War Czar and the War Pope. Bush appoints William Bennett to this new position, while Congress is in recess. Demands at least Congress and the American people give this new team until the end of Summer to make this new team give his new Iraq policy, "The Super Surge" to work.

October 2008:

* Bush appoints "WAR GOD" who is able to devine the proper policy courses in Iraq, monitor the positions of the "War Czar", "War Pope", and "War Emperor", as well as shooting icy rays of fiery death from his finger-tips, because that would be AWESOME! Victor Davis Hanson applies for the job as long as he can hire someone to wring the excess oil from his leather-thong. FoxNews runs simulated footage of the "War God" destroying a random swarthy-skinned bearded person they describe as "Al Qaeda in Iraq's" number three, but turns out to be CGI Charlie Rangel with a fake beard. FoxNews refuses to apologize and says, Rangel should know better than to appear in NewsCorp created file footage.

January 2009:

* Bush finally turns in "Risk" cards and gets like 30 armies that he puts into "Middle East" and insists that the War will go on from his lair (located behind "Monica Goodling's Faith-Based Designer T-Shirt Emporium") in a special "Non-Farewell Signing Statement" naming him the "ETERNAL DECISION GUY". Suspends space-time continuum like in a really cool episode of 'Star Trek', remains President forever.

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