Things Obama Needs To Do™

1. Get us out of Iraq.
2. Show us that he's up to the Commander in Chief challenge (i.e., is willing to drop a few bombs when someone gets out of line).
3. Bring down gas prices.
4. Break us of our fossil fuel addiction.
5. Cut inflation.
6. Deal with the deficit.
   
7. Get Pooty Poot under control.
8. Cut my taxes.
9. Not be a Scary Black Man™.
10. Sing the praises of Bill Clinton during his acceptance speech.
11. Soothe the hurt feelings of HRC supporters.
12. Assuage the fears of Donnie Fowler.
13. Unleash Joe Biden.
14. Reign in Joe Biden.
15. Not talk about John McCain's (a) service; (b) POW status; (c) age; (d) seven nine houses; (e) discarded first wife
    
16. Vacation at Myrtle Beach.
17. Not vacation at all.
18. Be very inspirational.
19. Not be too wonky.
    
20. Not eat arugala.
21. Attack McCain!
22. Be nice to McCain (he's old and a bit slow, after all).
23. Smoke.
24. Not smoke.
25. Go negative.
26. Stay positive.
27. Keep hope alive.
28. Tamp down expectations.
29. Emphasize "change".
30. Emphasize experience.
31. Focus on his uniquely American personal story.
32. Avoid emphasizing his unusual personal story.
33. Be blacker.
34. Be less black.
35. Emphasize his Christianity.
36. De-emphasize his middle name.
37. Tie McCain to Bush.
38. Tie McCain to the Republican party.
39. Tie McCain to the first wife he abandoned.
40. Not see his grandmother in Hawaii.
41. See his brother in Africa.
42. Not see his brother in Africa.
43. Put Michelle out there more.
44. Keep Michelle out of sight.
45. Gain weight.
46. Help me lose weight.
47. Do something about America's "obesity crisis".
48. Not be too cerebral/Ivy League/faculty lounge.
49. Not be too "street".
    
50. Ignore Code Pink.
51. Give a gender speech.
52. Not drink orange juice.
53. Drink (American) beer.

Anything else Obama needs to do? Need your house painted? Some sense smacked into your kid? Someone to tell your neighbors to cut out that racket? Get your supermarket to start carrying the off-brand cream soda you like again? Barack Obama is there for you! Got advice for Obama? He hears you and will tailor his campaign to fit your needs. Put your suggestions for What Barack Obama Needs to Do™ in comments.