Behold our profits!

Thanks, suckers!

For the quarter ended June 30, UnitedHealth [based in Minnetonka, MN] said net earnings were $859 million -- a 154.9 percent increase from $337 million a year earlier, when earnings were dragged down by big lawsuit settlement costs.

Earnings per share jumped to 73 cents from 27 cents a year earlier. Analysts had forecast 70 cents. Quarterly revenue was up slightly, to $21.7 billion from $20.3 billion.

Yay, more money to spend on lobbying against meaningful health care reform!

By the way, the big lawsuit settlement costs? Those were because United Healthcare used wholly-owned subsidiaries to screw over their clients in the name of profit. Woo-hoo free marketplace.

"We would characterize this quarter as solid with strong execution," said chief executive Stephen Hemsley.

I have no doubt you are all in favor of that, as long as it makes money.