Ask Dr. Attaturk June 11, 2005

Question No. 1:

Hey Dr. how about "you put that pipe down and get my pipe up"?

Bill O. in New York

Sorry man, Dr. Atta J. Turk doesn't swing that way. However, should you ever want to engage in phone sex, especially when waxing rapsodic on the virtues of rubbing giant boobs & falafel sponges, here's a dude that is into that sort of thing.

Question No. 2:

Dear Dr. Turk:

Now that Mark Felt has been exposed as being responsible for the ruination of our country -- at least those parts not ruined subsequently by "the Clenis" -- as well as other countries like Cambodia -- at least those parts not ruined by John Kerry -- is there anyway I can expand his responsibility to nearby places, like say, Thailand?

Sincerely,

Your Pal Neal.

I'm sorry Neal, but I've done a lot of research on the Thai economy, research on the grass roots level. Person-to-Person. I'm afraid that Mr. Felt is not responsible for much that goes on in the Thai economy -- other than the already widely known introduction of the "Bangkok Salad Toss", which is still quite popular. At least in the crowd I run with.

Question No. 3:

Hey You, Asshole,

What's up with me?

Sincerely,

J. Sensenbrenner

You seem to be angry, and suffering from high blood pressure. I suggest some tantric yoga, and that you try to turn it down a bit. Perhaps watching films of a fellow Wisconson politician of the past will tell you to be more subtle -- at least a tad more subtle than you are being now. I've linked to a place you can get these relaxing tapes.