Ask Dr. Attaturk June 4, 2005

Greetings. Doctor Atta J. Turk has been busy the past few weeks on a trip that I really must not recommend in the future. I don't want to say too much, but just some short words of advice. Do not book your "Asian Sex Tour" through "Priceline".

Anyhoo, lets look at the mailbag:

Question No. 1:

Dear Dr. Atta J. Turk,

Since Jesus was basically socialist pacifist, if we let the theocrats take over does that mean we’ll have a society of complete equality, a country without any wealthy, no death penalty, no military, etc?

Let me tell you a thing or two about Jesus. I've done some scholarly research on this in a wide variety of opium dens and there are a few things that need to be known. First, Jesus was rather quiet and unassuming himself. For example, though he too was the son of the higher father, you didn't see him fly into the Temple of Solomon, stuff his robe, and say "Mission Accomplished" now did you? Jesus simply relied on an outstanding PR outfit. Granted his advance team was pretty weak, but his PR team was out-freaking-standing!

Second, Jesus liked to do the small miracles, except with big crowds, when he was really good with the take out. He didn't really feed the throng on a single loaf, and a couple of fish. Once, again that was "advance team" planning. But Jesus, was quick, and managed to call out and get 1,000 servings of Chicken Fried Rice Delivered. No miracle, just quick thinking.

As for socialist pacifism, I guess so. Judas and Peter always got the bling.


Question No. 2:

Is Mark Felt really Deep Throat?

I dunno, I always figured it was Pat Nixon. I've never told anybody this. But contrary to rumor I was never "Deep Throat", I was, however, "Behind the Green Door".


Question No. 3:

Is Freedom really on the March?

No, Freedom can be seen at "Deja View" at 603 N. Locust Street, Orlando, Florida, Friday, June 3rd through Monday, June 6th, three shows nightly. She doesn't really march, but for a ten-spot she will rub against you for a bit.