Thursday, November 30, 2006

In Amman's Best Hotel, 3 a.m.

His Chimperial Heinous sleeps the sleep of the unjust.

(*snoring and speaking in sleep*)
BUSH: No mommy, no, bad touch...*snorts* does tickle though...he he he.


The groggy President sits up in his bed startled

BUSH: Cindy Sheehan? She found me!

A shimmering white, but still blurry vision materializes at the foot of the bed.

BUSH: Oh man, too much Wild Turkey, better start drinking Jenny-O Wiskey instead.

The vision solidifies, revealing a man dressed in glowing white robes with long-hair and a beard appears bearing a benevolent smile.

BUSH: Oh, no, mormons -- what are you, one of Romney's people? And here I am without my special underoos on.

...oh wait. Oh my, it's that guy from that Mel Gibson movie, um, what was that called? Um...jeez, this is tough. He was jewish and stuff.

VISITOR: It is I, who you call Jesus.

BUSH: Thanks, but that wasn't it.

VISITOR: George W. Bush, it is I, Jesus of Nazareth.

BUSH: Oh yeah. Hey, how ya' doin'? How'd you get in here?

VISITOR: Well, it's on the way to Damascus. (Makes drummer appear to do a riff)

BUSH: I don't get it. Anyway, I'm like busy and stuff Lord, I've got important things to do spreading freedom and marching progress. You know, holy stuff. I'm doin' your work because you were too lazy to, in the words of the prophet Larry the Cable Guy, 'git r done'

VISITOR: I am here to teach you, how to resolve your problems, how to end the scourge of war.

BUSH: What?

VISITOR: It is time for you to learn the way to truth.

BUSH: But, ah already know the way to truth, and truth is whatever ah believe, 'cause I'm a truth-speakin' guy, 'cause I'm plain spoken and plain spoken people never lie. Besides, you know that we both share the same father.

VISITOR: Um, yeah, about that.

BUSH: Hey, you know ah'm right. There's the trinity for example. There's dad, there's you, and then the Holy Me.

VISITOR: Well, I'm afraid you are misunderstanding a couple things.

BUSH: Are you calling my mommy a liar, jew boy?

VISITOR: Look, you must learn that you cannot use others to carry out your will, nor force your will upon others. People must gather and solve their own problems. Remember blessed are the peacemakers?

BUSH: You're wrong! (gets out of bed) That's so gay! C'mon you dirty hippie let's wrestle.


BUSH: Take that (Bush punches the visitor below the belt) RIGHT IN THE SACRAMENTS!

And so, Dear Leader lost the last chance to save his pathetic ass from infamy.

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