Gandhi's Fashion Faux Pas
By Maureen Dowd
They say that clothes make the man, well then what to make of Indian leader Mohandas K. Gandhi's choice of apparel. It's fair to say that in my time in the Hamptons a man who walks around in a diaper is about as old as Gandhi, but at least is accompanied by a sailing jacket and a trophy wife. A trophy wife they are so attached to they will not give a columnist the time of day. One wonders what these gentlemen think of themselves going around with someone young enough to be their granddaughter rather than someone young enough to be their daughter, especially since Freud would tell you it's much more erotic to sleep with someone like the latter than the former. By doing so you deny yourself the chance to discover that modern chemistry has provided the ability to make the carpet match the curtains, all thanks to adding #45 Auburn and #55 auburn into a combination I like to call 100% Maureenilicious!
But none of that trophy wife stuff for the Mohandas, no that and a well-balanced meal would detract from what he says is his important message of peace and community. A message that is all well and good until you realize it is based upon a logic asking for sacrifice and a willingness to deny the importance of fashion and appearances.
However, this week Mr. Gandhi's humble message of self-sacrifice and concern for the downtrodden, as displayed by his appearance, was undercut by the fact that he pays his diaper-service 400 £ a month for cleaning, folding, and fluffing. It is also reported he pays an additional 20 £ to have someone give him "ribcage" definition.
Excuse all of us Mr. Gandhi if we consider the importance of being well groomed (but not too expensively and ostentatiously well-groomed) and well-bathed in only the finest oils and other fluids to be high. Gandhi makes the rather laughable argument that we should listen to a person so plainly adorned and so dessicated as an individual, who nonetheless lavishes substantial expense on being comfortably undergarmented. Mr. Gandhi strongly believes in abstinence from the imbibing of liquor, yet has been known to drink the best well-water. Well, excuse me Mr. Gandhi, but the sauce helps some of us ease the pain of living life without a man and a soul to crush; especially when they decide they would rather spend their declining years with British starlets.
Gandhi's arguments are not being listened to by the much more fashionable Muhammad Ali Jinnah, who knows the true value of a well-cut suit and a nice hat, and one can certainly see why. Perhaps if Gandhi dressed more appropriately for the expense, like the dapper Lord Mountbatten there would be some reason to take his message seriously. But until he stops spending literally dozens of pounds on comfortable diapers who will really listen to him?