"Dear General Petraeus

As a member of the Sunni Resistance to Al Qaeda it is extremely important that I receive the following:

1. 1 ton plastic explosive
2. 1 dozen Toyota SUVs
3. An updated map of all Shiia Mosques (y'know to "protect them")
4. Oh, and a map of major car and rail bridges
5. 100 AK-47s
6. 10 tons fertilizer
7. 1000 gallons of kerosine
8. 100 bitchin' Iraqi army outfits
9. 1 dozen, no 2 dozen water bongs
10. A two-year subscription to "JUGGS"

Thanks, and death to Americ Al Qaeda

Sincerely,

Your Sunni Tribal Friend"