"I'm just a shill"

(To the tune of "Schoolhouse Rock: Just a Bill")

Boy: Woof! You sure gotta climb a lot of steps to get to this Capitol Building here in Washington. But I wonder who that sad little dried up man is?

I'm just a shill.
Yes, I'm only a shill.
And I'm sitting here on AEI's Bill.
Well, it's a long, long journey
To bomb Tehran city.
It's a long, long wait
While I'm on advisory committees,
But I know I'll be watchin' 'em bomb
At least I hope and pray that I will,
But today I am still just a shill.

Boy: Gee, Shill, you certainly have a lot of patience and courage.

Shill: Well I got this far. When I started, I wasn't even a shill, I was just an asshole. Some folks back home decided they hated the communists, so they called their local Congressman and he said, "You're not right enough, you must be a commie, there oughta be a law." Then they sent me over and I pointed fingers and the next thing you know, I became a shill, and even though the Cold War is over I'll remain a shill until they decide to answer my prayers and bomb Iran.

I'm just a shill
Yes I'm only a shill,
And I got a Medal of Freedom still.

Well, I'm prayin' we bomb Persian cities
And I'll sit here and wait
While a few of Cheney's pals discuss and debate
Whether they should go and nuke 'em all!
How I hope and pray that they will,
But today I am still just a shill.

Boy: Listen to those congressmen arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?

Shill: Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones. Most insane ideas never even get this far. I hope they decide to report on me favourably, otherwise we're all gonna die. And after all I've sacrificed -- I even had to have sex with Midge Decter and crank out, well you!

Boy: Die?

Shill: Yeah, die from a jihad. Oooh, but it looks like I'm gonna live! Now I go to the President and he signs me with an additional statement of how it means he can bomb a bunch of other folks too.

Boy: And then, what happens?

Shill: Then we all get to enjoy the night-time glow of the eastern hemisphere.

Boy: Oh no!

Shill: Oh yes!

I'm just a shill
Yes, I'm only a shill
And if they vote for me on Capitol Hill
Well, then I'm off to the White House
Where I'll wait in a line
With a lot of other shills
For the president to find
And if he signs me, then we'll be launchin' bombs.
How I hope and pray that they will,
But today I am still just a shill.

But how I hope and I pray bomb 'em until,
they glow green at the gills, but today I am still just a shill.

Karl Rove: He agrees with you Shill! Now we can bomb!

Shill: Oh yes!!!