Why is Long Island the Ninth Circle of Hell?

(No, not because of its most infamous psychotic.)

Because the War on Christmas starts in August.

So the school superintendant wants to change the name of the "Christmas Concert" to the "Winter Concert" in a district that's 33% Asian and South Asian? Angry parent Brian Kerrane has had enough! The superintendant must go!

“In the private sector, a person who is out of touch with his bosses gets terminated, and we are the bosses here — not bin Laden over there."

Look for Falafel Bill to pick this up tonight. I mean, it's not like there's anything else going on, right?