Other potential forms of self-emolation

Should worse come to worse in November, btw, they'll let anybody blog:

“Gee, I like chile peppers, but I find even the hottest of them, your Red Savinas and your Habaneros’es leave portions of my mouth disappointingly unblistered. Where can a guy find a simple, economical chile that will leave me writhing on the floor unable to breath, clutching my throat, excreting tears and mucus and praying for my own death?”