The Continuing Adventures of Rudy & Judi (Part IX)

Our story so far: parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, and VIII.

Right now, somewhere in The Sunshine State our hero preps to meet his adoring fans...

JUDI: " Will you look at this? New York Post: 'Rudy's last stand,' Real Clear Politics: Rudy's last stand.' Christian Science Monitor: Giuliani's Last Stand.'"

RUDY: "Ugh. Don't talk to me about Christians, Judi. I don't want to hear it."

JUDI: "If you'd thrown them a bone and told 'em Jesus had touched it, you wouldn't be in this spot, Rudy. But listen, I have question. Don't you have to have made a first stand to make a last stand?"

RUDY: "Judi, enough."

JUDI: "No, Rudy. Not enough. Not nearly enough. Not nearly enough campaigning. Not nearly enough decent strategists. Not nearly enough strategy, while we're at it. What did you think you were doing, blowing off Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan, and South Carolina?"

RUDY: "Speaking of 'not enough,' as I recall, we didn't go there because you said you would have been bored. 'Not enough decent shopping. Not enough reliable doctors to administer Botox injections.'"

JUDI: "Fuck off, Rudy. Look at this -- New York Times: "For weeks, as he was getting shellacked in Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and South Carolina..." Shellacked, Rudy. Do you think I go with guys who get "shellacked?" (singsongs) I.Don't.Think.So."

RUDY: "You've given me a splitting headache. I'm going out there."

JUDI: "Yeah, it's quieter out there, Rudy. New York Times: "...the crowds at some of the airport rallies were so small that it might have been more efficient to fly them to the candidate, instead of vice versa." Face it, Rudy. This was a bad idea..."

RUDY: "It was your idea, Judi!"

JUDI: "Shut up. Rudy, it's time you realized that you're toast. You might as well go out there and scream, Mars, bitches! because it's all you've got left."

RUDY: "Not true. Not true. I've still got bin Laden."

JUDI: (Hits him over the head with a rolled up newspaper) "What about me, you dago schmuck! What the hell do I look like?"

RUDY: "Right. I forgot. I've still got you, darling."

JUDI: "Not so fast. What's this here? New York Times: 'Money appears to be in short supply...'"