The Continuing Adventures of Rudy & Judi (Fourth in a Series)

This morning, somewhere in South Carolina:

JUDI: "Jesus Christ on the Cross, will you look at this shit, Rudy?"

RUDY: "Huh?"

JUDI: "I go make nice-nice with the Keebler Elf's wife and what do I get for my trouble? Wise-asses taking cheap shots about that fucking tiara again. I didn't even want to wear that thing, Rudy! That was your idea!"

RUDY: "My idea? Judi, what the hell are you talking about? Will you give me a break? I've got real problems here. The feds are about to indict Bernie. "

JUDI: "Ugh, again with Bernie. That idiot got a diamond-encrusted police badge and a ton of stun gun stock options and what do I have?"

RUDY: "Well, you've got a fucking tiara as long as we're talking diamond-encrusted objects, Judi. And if we're talking weapons, you always have your surgical stapling gun."

JUDI: "That was a low blow, you miserable dago. Look at all I've given up for you!"

RUDY: (Under his breath) "Yeah, a lucrative career killing puppies."

JUDI: "That's it! One more word out of you, Rudy, and I break out the tiara and wear it every place I go. I'll wear that damn thing at that fucking Wal-Mart ribbon cutting you've set up for me next week. I'll wear it into a gas station rest room! I'll wear it the next time we go visit those miserable brats of yours. And I'll wear it when I drag Christyne Lategano into court as a witness when I sue you for divorce two weeks before election day!"

Read the entire series:

Part I.

Part II.

Part III.