The Continuing Adventures of Rudy & Judi (Episode VI)

Tonight, at St. Petersburg, Florida's finest hotel ...

JUDI: You know, all my life, I've been waiting to hit marital paydirt, and just when I think I finally have, we get this shit.

RUDY: Judi, not now. I gotta deal with this.

JUDI: You have to deal with it? You have to deal with it? So you ripped off New York City taxpayers, Rudy. Big fuckin' deal.

RUDY: "Big fuckin' deal?" Nice mouth, Judi. And I didn't rip off New York City taxpayers. I allegedly ripped off New York City taxpayers. Big difference.

JUDI: You really don't get it, do you, you putz? Ripping off the City is not the issue. Two wives and god-knows-how-many girlfriends before me and you don't know how to cover your freaking tracks while conducting a lousy extramarital affair? Christ! What kind of a dumb dago did I marry?

RUDY: Judi, can you just try to focus on what's really important here?

JUDI: Oh, I am, Rudy. I am. I'm focused on the fact that I'm only gonna get one use out of that fuckin' tiara. Did you know that I had Donatella working up designs for a gown for the inaugural ball that would go perfectly with that thing? And don't even think about asking me to hock it to pay for more TV ads. Face it, Rudy. You used money meant for wheelchair kids, legless vets, and the blind pencil salesmen outside Bloomindale's to screw your goomar in the Hamptons. I told you you shoulda bought me that place on Nantucket. Matthews and Russert would have kept this thing quiet. Now you've got Mort Zuckerman and that schmuck Mike Allen on our assess and I'll never get to wear my tiara again!

Read the entire series:
Episode V
Episode IV
Episode III
Episode II
Episode I