Who will be the next Republican Flavor

Who has the benefit of not being Mitt? Now they are starting to recycle...Newt? If this keeps up, future wife #4 better splurge the cash.

But look, we all know when your candidates are named Newt and Mitt, it merely makes a Barack look even better in comparison.

The Republicans have been nothing if not willing to consider new faces to the campaign. So, why not someone newly available?

Why not Joe Paterno?

1. He's old and out of it like Reagan.

2. Every day for the last 13 years has pretty much been the August 6th PDB of ass covering.

3. He knows more black people than Herman Cain.

4. He's not, y'know, all Mormony.

5. He is slightly less creepy, even after all this, than his fellow Pennsylvanian, Santorum.

6. When it came to reporting pederasty he knew the three things you were supposed to do were first, tell the AD; second, tell the witness to keep it down; and three...uh...um...it'll come to him...(Ron Paul: Phone the Police?)...no that's not it...uh...oops.

7. His thick lenses will make Bachmann-like pie-eyed moments seem like he's something adorable out of Japanese anime.

8. THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION!

9. He hasn't been charged with a crime, merely morally implicated in it...there can be no greater modern Republican symbol than that.