The Punchlines write themselves

Oh, K-Lo, thanks so much for the never ending supply of material:

SMALL THING [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
John Boehner just said in his first press appearance as leader (I paraphrase because I was typing something else at the time) that he went to Washington as a congressman to solve the problems the American people face every day. I so don't want Congress to solve my everyday problems. I think most Americans would agree.
Posted at 03:30 PM

I think we can all agree that Congress should not pass laws requiring someone to tackle K-Lo's maidenhead.

Oh, look at me with the 19th century language.