Dudley Pantload

This season's reenactment of the National Review Marked-Up Widowers Estate Cash Grab Cruise is off to Alaska before all the cool glaciers melt. Because they outsourced their cruise to a non-American Ship they have to stop in Canada for a brief visit. As Chris Kelly notes this will require the likes of Jonah Goldberg to spend six hours in Victoria, B.C.

Kelly also points out, considering Goldbergs past statements about Canada this could be interesting:

In it's November 25, 2002 issue, the Doughy Wankload, with Canada being such wussy bastards as to criticize the sure-to-be glorious military victory that would be Iraq, he wrote this cover piece:

It's quite possible that the greatest favor the United States could do for Canada is to declare war on it. No, this isn't a tribute to South Park, the TV cartoon that popularized a song -- "Blame Canada" -- calling for an outright invasion of our northern neighbor. A full-scale conquest is unnecessary; all Canada needs is to be slapped around a little bit, to be treated like a whining kid who's got to start acting like a man.

What, You thought the "New Orleans, Beyond Thunderdome" crack was the first Goldberg visit to the intellectual thunderbucket?

And, does one have a feeling the last clause was a bit Oedipal?

As Kelly says, this takes a special level of arrogant hubris -- to call for the invasion of a nation for some smarty-pants points when your country had just months before managed to kill 4 Canadians by bombing them in a friendly-fire incident in Afghanistan -- where Canada was actively assisting the United States. Still is too.

But then again, it is Jonah "I Can't Serve in a War I support I've got a kid" Goldberg we're talking about.

But what to do while in Victoria, B.C., Canada?

[T]he Butchart Garden earns every superlative of its impeccable reputation for glorious blooms and redolent scents."

The Butchart Garden really is beautiful. But if you go just a few more miles, you can visit the Veterans Cemetery in Esquimalt. The golf course next door will be closed, but you can wander under the evergreens that line where it borders graveyard. The chapel is small, and plain, but the lanterns on the walls used to burn real whale oil. It's very quiet at night.

One of the newer graves, there, belongs to Bombardier Myles Stanley John Mansell. He lived in Victoria and was killed in Kandahar last year. He was 25. He was blown up by a roadside bomb. He's buried between his grandfathers.

At Myles Mansell's funeral, one of his uncles said, "In our hearts, he will always be home." Which isn't as hilarious as "Canada needs to be slapped around like a whining kid," but it's not bad.

"In our hearts, he will always be home."

I hope no one in Canada gets offended when people like Jonah Goldberg write ugly nonsense. They don't really mean it. They're just trying to be vile, as a substitute for how men might talk.