Monday, July 25, 2011

Welcome to My World

Dear Gay Friends,

Now that same sex marriage is legal in New York, there's no doubt that some of the questions/comments I've had to put up with as a singleton for years will be coming your way. See a list of examples below (Hegemaniacs: add yours in comments.) The ones in bold are the ones that well-meaning people have directed at me over the years.

I suggest practicing your best fake-smile in anticipation.


  • When are you gonna get MAR-RIED?

  • I just want to see you settled.

  • Are you EVER gonna get MAR-RIED?

  • What are you waiting for?

  • All I want is a grandchild. Is that so much to ask?

  • Do you want to break your mother's heart?

  • You know what he's/she's thinking? "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?," that's what he's/she's thinking!

  • You're not getting any younger, you know.

  • If he/she is not marrying you after two years, he/she is not marrying you.

  • I just want you to be happy. (h/t watertiger)

  • It's as easy to fall in love with a rich man/woman as it is to fall in love with a poor man/woman.

  • Do you want your mother to die before she sees you married? (h/t watertiger)

  • If you're good-for-nothing brother can get divorced, then so can you! (h/t watertiger)

  • Your father and I were married? What? It's too good for you?

  • I just want the best for you.

  • If you don't hurry up, all of the good ones will be taken.
And my personal favorite:

If you don't watch out, you're going to wind up like your cousin Maryanne.*

*Died alone in her apartment at age of forty-five.

ASIDE: What the HELL is wrong with Blogger's formatting?!?!??!


pansypoo said...

never got pestered. OR SET UP.

DanF said...

My favorite conversation stopper from my grandfather before my wife and I married, "When are you going to make an honest woman of her?"

sukabi said...

DanF... that's a common statement from that era... but it belies the fact that 'the woman' is being completely honest about her relationship and not bowing to societal pressures to 'do the right thing', which when parsed really means 'we don't care what you want, to be part of this society you have to conform to what we say'...

Marcellina said...

"You need to lower your standards or else it'll soon be too late."

There may come a point when "When are you going to get married?" is going to morph into "How come you never got married?" (To which the only polite answer is "Just lucky, I guess!"

DanF said...

Don't I know it Sukabi... What gauled me the most was the idea that *of course* the woman wants to be married. ALL women want to be married - so clearly I'm being an asshole by denying her this bliss. Once I dead-panned my grandfather and said, "She doesn't want to marry me. Heck, I wouldn't marry me. But if she changes her mind, you'll be the first to know." That seemed to recalibrate his thinking a bit, and to his credit, he brought it up infrequently.

sukabi said...

Good for you DanF.. lol sometimes a bit of a 'restructuring the framework' is all it takes...

heydave said...

My reaction is: "Everyone should get married, at least once!" (I'm divorced.)

Also, too, I just point out that I am a great boyfriend but a shitty husband.

daver said...

My answers (from a never-married heterosexual man, 57):

But... I _like_ it this way.

I like keeping my own money, and not working my ass off all my life.

I enjoy my friends and lovers; I also enjoy my solitude, and my own company.

I also notice there are plenty of people making babies, and it seems to me the last thing the world needs is more people.

I need not be a slave to nature's imperative; or rather, I care deeply about nature, but in a less blindly instinctive way.