Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Things to do in Denver now that you might as well be dead!

Maureen Dowd took pot in the name of channeling Peggy Noonan apparently.

...then I felt a scary shudder go through my body and brain. [ed. 'THAT'S JUST REAGAN] I barely made it from the desk to the bed, where I lay curled up in a hallucinatory state for the next eight hours. [ed. REAGAN AGAIN!] I was thirsty but couldn’t move to get water. Or even turn off the lights. I was panting and paranoid [ed. REAGAN REAGAN REAGAN!!!], sure that when the room-service waiter knocked and I didn’t answer, he’d call the police and have me arrested for being unable to handle my candy.

I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans and staring at the exposed-brick wall [ed. OH RONNY!]. As my paranoia deepened, I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me.

And then I realized FUCK somebody beat me to my obvious joke...obviously.


Raoul Paste said...

Hunter S. Thompson she ain't.

kingweasil said...

"I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me"...the pot and four bottles of chardonnay will do that to you mododummy.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaaha. Oh boy. Thanks. Best laugh of the day.

Montag said...

I was so hoping that this would lead to some plagiarism of Hunter S. Thompson, to wit: "And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: 'Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?'"

Dowd, on the other hand, eats a bit too much pot candy, curls up in a ball and wonders if she's dead, never realizing for one moment that she's a lot more alive than her career is.

Suttree said...

"I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things." That should take care of next years CPAC.

Anonymous said...

More like Bawbwa WAWA (What A Wussy Ass-soul); THC only makes one mellow, no hallucinations. Ya need LSD, peyote or magic mushrooms for those! Guessing (ala Slick Willie), she simply didn't inhale back in the day!