DeD at the Balls

Hello friends,

I write this after visiting the Texas-Wyoming ball. Man, I had no idea that if you walk into a place like that without cowboy boots they want to kick the something special out of you. Anyway, let me bring you up to date on my exploits going under cover during the inauguration. As you might recall, some repugnicrats mistook me for their sultan of no-you-can't-because-I-personally-know-Jeebus James Dobson.

After the faux coronation, see here... I was not the only one who was bored...


...but interestingly enough no matter how many times she yelled for something called called a Texas Iced Tea (whatever that is), not one secret service agent brought her anything. I mean, man after all that talk of freedom for the rich and corporate, I sure could use a drink.

But then I thought if people see me drink, they might realize that I am not James Dobson. Then I learned something surprising. It didn't matter what I did because everyone among the repugnicrats and nut wing drinks. When I went to the first Ball, the liberal will rue the day because we stole from 'em again Ball... everyone was bringing me something. I know, I know, we all think that republicans are not big drinkers and that members of the religious right do not drink, swear, or have impure thoughts, but they do. Apparently a lot. I was handed something called a Holy Roller and man that had more vodka than I have had in some time.

And the word on the gold plated street is that crazy Ann Coulter is actually one of the lighter drinkers among the nut wing. "Oh oh ha, snort, you would not bweve how wittwe shwe dwinks!!" said an obviously blotto Ralph Reed.

I also learned that repungicrat women think that Rhenquist is a hottie. "Oh... he's hot," said a strangely out of place Nicole Richie. "Yeah have you seen his balding head and twisted walk, roar!" said a swaying Michelle Michalinglouiebuildaninternmentcamp.



I did notice that Laura "got back" Bush was giving the chief justice the eye:


Who could not get lost staring into those dreamy God in proper balance eyes... said a strangely coherent Peggers Noonan.



"Ow, never mwind hewr," said Michele Michlockemallup, "Shwe always gets weird when she dwinks."

I also checked into the H'ell Yeah for Haliburton Ball hosted by the odd couple of Dick and Lynne "I SAID I AM NOT A MAN!" Cheney. I had no idea that they were huge fans of that Redneck woman country singer. But not wanting to watch Lynne "get down" with other "women" at the Ball made me leave right away.

I then headed over to the Sparkly dress and doofus ball. Though, I was not sure what the doofus stuff was all about until I got there.



But most of the people just burned $100 bills laughing saying that there was nothing wrong with social security but that they needed more money from other people so that they could continue to live in the life style that the government has made them grow accustomed to... I know a lot of things that we are all growing accustomed to like War, lies, and made up words.

Those are just a few of the lessons that I learned at the coronation balls... maybe some of you noticed some things I overlooked. Any other reports?