Friday, March 11, 2005
Greenspan Family Sex Update March 4 through 10, 2005
By popular demand from yesterday's post:
Our inside sources at the Greenspan compound made the following report (translated to English):
March 4, 2005: Mr. Greenspan regales Ms. Greenspan-Mitchell about how he still celebrates inauguration day as being March 4th as it was for the balance of his living years. Attend Party and attempt to spice things up by inviting Connie Chung over for exotic three-way cuddle as she isn't up to much nowadays. Unfortunately, Ms. Chung demurs despite Ms. Greenspan-Mitchell's flirtatious eye-batting. No sex.
March 5, 2005: No sex, Mr. Greenspan having blood transfusion taken via tapping of small Dominican children rounded up from household help. Later gives Ms. Mitchell-Greenspan cash infusion with bundle of crisp $100 bills kept in Fed Vault in supposedly secret location that Mr. Greenspan likes to call "Batcave" but others call University of Chicago.
March 6, 2005: No sex, including foreplay, unless you count watching "Deadwood". Please take moment to enjoy and reflect upon witty pun.
March 7, 2005: No sex, Mr. Greenspan took Cialis, but erection lasted only 4 minutes. Did not consult Doctor.
March 8, 2005: No sex, Ms. Mitchell-Greenspan had to get up early to attempt to fellate Don Imus's shriveled jerky.
March 9, 2005: No sex. Prime rate steady, but meat flacid.
March 10, 2005: No sex. Greenspans watch CSI, despite learning from years of watching show they are still unable to diagnose cause of Mr. Greenspan's death 7 years ago.