Thank You CNN

For considering Martha Stewart's release from prison to be the MOST important story of the day. Attaturk sure enjoyed watching Kelly Wallace's permanent-smirk (and stupendous hair-helmet) plastered upon his big-screen television as she talked to a different permanetly blonde chattering head, described as having "kept vigil all night on this breaking story". The so-called reporter went on and on about how "slim" and "chic" Stewart was, how she was wearing jeans (in case I was somehow fucking BLIND or had never seen jeans before) and "what appeared to be a homemade shawl".

Meanwhile, while this fifteen minute long report was repeated at the bottom of the hour...

• 6 Iraqi policemen killed in bomb attacks

Although I suppose to be fair, Iraqi policemen are killed in mass every day; faux celebrities are released from minimum security prisons only three or four dozen times a year.