Ask Dr. Atta J. Turk, July 30, 2005

Before I address some of this weeks questions, a quick note to the Biography Channel.

I saw your program on me at 2:00 a.m., July 27, 2005, and I must say I found your research and findings offensive. First, I have been suspended from from only 37 states, not all of them. Second, the only thing I ever prescribed to Elvis was Banana Sandwiches and a metric ton of Vicodin. Third, it was an accident when I told the Khmer Rouge that the Americans were going to try to release the Mayaguez by force, when I said, "the marines are coming", it was simply an expression, not a policy.

Finally, my relationship with Courtney Love was a beautiful thing dammit! I don't care what Chris Novoselic says.

Okay, now to this week's questions:

Question No. 1:

Dear Dr. Turk--

I have a problem. Well, I don't know if it's a problem -- that's why I'm writing to you so that you can enlighten me.

Lately I've been dreaming of Karl Rove. Pink, fat, hairless Karl Rove. In handcuffs. And leg irons. Behind bars. Or flattened under the wheel of Air Force One. Sometimes dream-Karl's on all fours, big white ass up, with an Iraqi citizen standing over him holding a flourescent light. Karl's curly tail twitches when he's scared. This makes me smile. Sometimes dream-Karl's being frog-marched through the gates at Gitmo by Joe and Valerie Wilson. Dream-Karl's always yelling, "I am not a crook!"

The people in my dreams laugh at dream-Karl's troubles. Some shout that payback's a bitch and her name's Val P. One guy taped a note to the back of Karl's orange jumpsuit that read, "I'm Bush's Brain and all I got was prison."

I always wake up laughing, and hoping my dream was for real. Is that wrong?

No, your dream is not wrong at all. However, reading it I felt like I was reading a letter to Penthouse.

I would not say that it is wrong at all to dream this, but still, I do not think you are having vivid enough dreams. There is not enough forcible sodomy and wimpering.

But that's just me.


Question No. 2:

Dear Dr. Attaturk:

What happens when the government, its apologists and its propagandists construct a world in which fealty to the Leader trumps loyalty to a nation’s legal and democratic traditions and ideals? When they construct a world in which each citizen is either with em or against em? Where every citizen either is uncritically and unquestioningly with their program and policies or they're a traitor? When the mechanisms of the state have been used to disenfranchise the majority? And citizen is set against citizen?

I believe that country becomes one in which movies in Aramaic become grotesquely profitable and Carrot-Top can make money. It becomes a country where serving in the military is a sign of cowardice, but being a leather-faced tan-addict is a sign of "having a good heart".

Other than that, not much.