Quiz Bowl

Announcer: And now it's the game that allows the world's leaders to battle their wits, "International Quiz Bowl". And now here's the host of "International Quiz Bowl" Kofi Martindale!

Kofi: Welcome to our show ladies and gentlemen, live from the studios of the International Red Cross in Bern, Switzerland. Today we have two new contestants from different backgrounds, Don Pardo introduce us to our leaders.

Don: Thanks Kofi, our first contestant is the President of the United States, he describes his interests as baseball, pussy, and nachos, George "the Decider" Bush.

*tepid applause*

Kofi: Welcome, Mr. Bush.

Bush: I 'preciate bein' here.

Don: And our next contestent, he's the President of Iran, who describes his interests as soccer, fashion, and jew-baiting, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

*tepid applause*

Ahmadinejad: Tashakor, (tranlator: Thank you)

Kofi: Gentlemen, let us begin. As you know the rules of our game are quite simple. We ask a series of questions on a variety of topics and the individual who gets the most points is allowed to decry the loser's nation as either oppressive, corrupt, immoral, or part of some malevolent cabal. Let us begin. Our categories are:

"World History"
"Fashion Dos and Dont's"
"Sports"
"Finance"
"Nuclear Technology"
"Sandles"

Mr. Bush you won the coin toss back stage so you get to go first. Gentlemen hands on your buzzers.

*bzzzt*

Bush: heh heh heh.

Kofi: Mr. Bush you must wait for the question to be asked.

*bzzzt*

Ahmadinejad: "The jews?"

Bush: heh heh heh.

Kofi: You too must wait until the question is asked Mr. Ahmadinejad. Our first category is world history. Gentlemen, on September 1, 1939, the Second World War began with the invasion of this nation.

*bzzzt*

Mr. Ahmadninejad?

Ahmadinejad: This is all a lie. There was no invasion, it was manufactured by the Jews.

Kofi: I'm sorry, Mr. Ahmadinejad, but that is incorrect, this nation was actually invaded on September 1, 1939.

Ahmadinejad: Oh sure, you say that. You have many jews in Africa, no? There are many black jews are there not? Like Sammy Davis, Jr.

Bush: And Rod Carew!

Kofi: No, I'm sorry, yes there are black people who are jewish, but no the nation of "The Jews" was not invaded on September 1, 1939. Mr. Bush you have an opportunity to win the point.

Bush: *stares off into space*

Kofi: Any answer?

Bush: Um...Pearl Bailey?

Kofi: No, sorry Mr. Bush it is not Pearl Bailey. I think I know where you were trying to go, but I don't even want to think how you got where you ended up with your answer. The correct answer is Poland.

Bush: Heh heh heh, I forgot.

...and thus went the next two years, five weeks of Quiz Bowl...but the world survived and that was the point.