Ridge Resigns As Work of Safeguarding Motherland Nears Completion

As my feet hit the floor each day I'm thinking "what has Dear Leader done to make me feel safe and secure?" When Uber-Ashcroft resigned I knew for the first time that even though I may not have known about all of the work that they have done, that the task of safeguarding me and my neighbors has been accomplished. Whew. Now I don't have to be suspicious of people that don't look like me.

Hey, wait a minute, Ridge's successor apparently faces a daunting task.

"WASHINGTON - Tom Ridge's successor as chief of the Homeland Security Department will have to unify a sprawling bureaucracy, a deadly serious job where failure could put the United States at risk of another terror attack."
Hey, wait another doggone minute, the color-coded warning level, super-hero call device is yellow.
That means there are still terra-ist out there that hate us because we love freedom. Dear Leader's work isn't done after all.

Wise guys. They had me going there for a minute.