The Template Cracked, Brooks Too Constipated to Crap out Column

No Bobo column today in the NY Times.

What a "tragedy" for our country.

Fear not, to paraphrase Henry V, Act III, Scene 1 -- "Once more into the Breech, dear bitches", another alternative history Bobo.

The Times of New York
Saturday, 1776 July 6th Day
Sir David Brooks, KBE


Word that the rustic petticoats of the Continental Congress declared independence reached New Yorkers this week. This causing ye olde collective yawn of disinterest. Though such leaders of the group as Adams, Hancock, and Franklin have declared their cause to be independence, the nature of their declaration is such that it will not bear the scrutiny of argument with the crown.

What the gentlemen of Philadelphia do not understand is that there are clearly two colonies. There is the blue-sided revolutionary colonists, who proclaim their desire to be free of the influence of what has been, and remains, the greatest power on earth. They scorn the clear blessings of almighty providence upon England's manufacturing and mercantile interests, as well as within its military might. They are on the one hand. Meanwhile, those who respect and are pleased to be part of that empire, and of which I will further discuss, the red-colonists are on the other.

Any reasonable observance of the colonial landscape demonstrates that the latter interest though under recent attack is regainging its foothold, remains in the majority and is growing. However, all this occurs while its adherents become more and more remote from the contested nostrums of public debate dominated by the louder blue colonists.

Those who quietly love the empire are retiring to the countryside of the small estate where they go about their day-to-day business; producing heirs, breeding those men who will grow to love the Crown. These boys will someday choose as their wives, those of both ample bosom and hip, who will give rise to another generation with the power to support King & Country for generations without end.

The tempests and disputations of our time will come and go, but the bountiful loins of these red-colonial "loyalists" will continue to give forth the heirs of Albion into the distant future. They choose to tend to their brood, as they continue to love their King and his just and continuous empire. The red colonist do all this even while they ignore the tempests of the more emotional blue colonial types often found in this colonies' courtrooms, docks, and plantations. Those who are tending large enough families to form a cricket side have little time for the revolutionary fever.