At First I Was Afraid, I Was Petrified ...

I didn't ever think I would say these words, but ...

I.Am.Speechless.

Beyond the sheer hideousness of this dress is the fact that it does not fit.

And that's because the last person to wear it was a 6'4", 300-lb. black man in 4" stillettos singing "I Will Survive" on a bar at four o'clock in the morning.

Tigre takes a crack at this one, too.

Image via Tbogg.

Update: It's possible that Pammy's been to the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, too.