Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Continuing Adventures of Rudy & Judy™

Somewhere in the Hamptons, south of Montauk Highway, but not-quite-oceanfront …

JUDY: Will you look at this? Will you fucking ?”

RUDY: (keeps eyes on Washington Times) “Yes, dear.”

JUDY: (throws wireless mouse at this head)

RUDY: “What!?”

JUDY: “Valentino, Rudy! That Alaskan bitch got Valen-fucking-tino.”

RUDY: “So?”

JUDY: “’So? So?’ Who are you, Rudy? Dick Fucking Cheney? ‘So?’ Where’s my Valentino? “

RUDY: (looks around) “Valentino? You have everything you possibly could want and you want
Valentino? Let me tell you something, Judy, my ancestors got out of that godforsaken country so we’d never have to wear Valentino again. Fuck Valentino!”

JUDY: “Idiot. I married an idiot. Look at this, Rudy. A seven-year-old carrying Louis Fucking Vuitton. Where is my Vuitton?”

RUDY: “Where is your Vuitton? I’ll tell you where your fucking Vuitton is, Judi. Your fucking Vuitton sunk my campaign! That’s where your Vuitton is! Your Vuitton is at the bottom of the goddamned Gowanus Canal along with my campaign.”

JUDY: (clicks furiously on Palin fashion slide show) “Goddamned Cole-Haan boots!”

RUDY: “Christ.”

JUDY: “You’re running again.”

RUDY: “What?! Bullshit. They want me to run for Governor of New York."

JUDY: “Albany? You think I’m moving to Albany? People move to Albany to drink and die, Rudy. Did you ever see ‘Ironweed’ with Meryl Fucking Streep? It’s not pretty. So bullshit on you, Rudy. Bullshit.On.You. I’m not going to stand by while some Alaskan arriviste gets $150 grand of free Valentino courtesy of some Republican small donors in Bumfuck County, Wyoming. We’re gonna run again, and …

RUDY: (laughing) “’Arriviste?’ Look who’s talking about arrivistes, Ms. Ross Stich Nathan of Pig’s Snout Holler, Pennsylvania, or wherever the fuck you’re from.”

JUDY: “Ross Stich Nathan Guiliani Rudy. Ross Stich Nathan Guiliani. Mrs. Ross Stich Nathan Guiliani. Like you know, as in the wife of ‘Mayor Hero,’ Mister Fucking 9/11, Mister I-Blew-My-Campaign-But-if-I-Don’t-Run-Again-and-Miss-Out-on-the-RNC-Neiman-Marcus-Giveaway-My-Wife-Will-Harrangue-Me-Until-I-Blow-My-Fucking-Brains-Out.”

RUDY: (looks heavenward) “Oh, God.”

JUDY: “’Oh, God,’ is right. I want my Valentino, Rudy. I want more Vuitton. And I want it all courtesy of the RNC. If that bitch gets that deal, that’s the deal I gotta get. I set us up a website and everything.”

RUDY: (sighs)

h/t watertiger and Christy @ FDL

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