Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A small window into my empty life

This seems so Larry King/Peter King/Burger King-esque, but I love reading this every week (American football related) wherein the most inane columnist this side of yes, Larry King -- Peter King is skewered. A sample:

I can’t let this column top pass without acknowledging the greatness of Ray Lewis.

I can’t let this sentence pass without acknowledging the horrible, horrible play call that was practically designed to ensure that Ray Lewis would make a game-saving tackle and get undue adulation he doesn’t really deserve. Let’s assume you’re Norv Turner. Don’t look in the mirror! You won’t like the face you see! Now, it’s 4th and 2 with :30 left. You need a touchdown. Your quarterback has passed for over 400 yards. You have rushed for a meager 2.5 yards a carry. Do you decide:

A) Pass the ball, or
B) Bunch together as tightly as you can, allow the defense to stack the line, and run your smallest back right up the gut, even though he runs better in space, and even though your starting center is out, and even though it’s the single dumbest fucking play ever designed at any point in time by any coach ever in the history of everything ever.

Good call. Lofty call.

The Fine Fifteen

2. Minnesota (2-0).

Minnesota has beaten Cleveland and Detroit. They have yet to have their quarterback throw the ball farther than ten yards. They define not applicable.

…the Vikes woke up, and Brett Favre played like a 25-year-old.

Or a 39-year-old with a bad shoulder.

Or 35-year-old.

Or a 39-year-old with a bad shoulder.


“You know what? Just disregard everything I say.”

Imagine playing on the road,

Against the Lions.

against a team with a fired-up crowd,

That is cheering for the Lions.


Where the Lions won NO games last year.

and your 39-year-old quarterback has four incompletions all day.

Against the Lions. Amazing story. Quite possibly the greatest accomplishment of Brett Favre’s career, except for that one time he leg whipped a guy so that his teammates would love him.


My best friend thinks Tony Dungy sounds like Cleveland in Family Guy. Your thoughts?

Your best friend needs to meet more black people.

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