Dr. DeDurkheim Social Relationship Doctor

Dear Dr. DeDurkhim,

I just had some prissy, unfortunate looking meanspirited person of a patron tell me that I was not treating some wild child patrons appropriately. I had been dealing with a business full of children with no supervision who cuss loudly for hours. And I responded to them that they should leave.

I hope that she does her job perfectly. Every single day. With no errors. I'm sure that with her degree of prissy holier than thou atttitude... that she probably does, and everyone hates her. I know that I do.

I tried to get her name but the other folks at work didn't notice who she was. I swear if I ever see her out I'll be sure to tell her that she's behaving inappropriately. whew. Who knew that I could feel such a degree of dislike for someone I hope I will never see again? I mean it, if I ever see her, I will be sure to say something to her about her inappropriateness. Hate hate hate for people like that--prissy self rightous ....

Dr. D Responds:

I hate people like that as well. They see themselves as God's holy messengers of perfectness. Of course, they are not perfect but -- and this is the main point -- they think that they are and nothing any of us say to them will change that.

Good grief, there is enough pain and suffering in the world, why is it that people feel the need to correct others who are just trying to do their job? Who does she think she is to speak to you like that? She thinks she's perfection, that's what. And of course, she's not. No one is. If someone like her does mistreat you and disrespect you again, you can always hit them with one of the good comebacks:

1. Say: "People from glass houses..."

2. Say: "As Christ said, let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." (or Jesus, depending on how far you want to go. In the South always go with the big "C")

3. Say: "You are so very right. I have no idea what I was thinking. Thank you so very very VERY much for bringing this to my attention. I so humbly apologize for my careless behavior." (While doing this take an available stuffed animal behind the desk or near by and crush it, squeeze it and torment it, its good to rip it up and quietly step on the pieces)

4. Do you work with children all day? (This should be said as you have a small tear slowly slide down your cheek)

5. Say: "Are you a child psychologist? Are you a social worker? Are you child development specialist? No? Then what is your expertise on this matter?" If the person reports that they are a parent. Retort: "No, that does not count, anyone can become a parent, really... what is your expertise?"

6. Burst into tears and talk about how a group of wild feral children ate your parents. (note: You must cry frantically and intensely).

7. Stare at the person and follow them out of the store/business. But do not say a word. And do not hesitate to make eye contact.

8. Calmly take out a note book and recite... "Let's see... here it is... Kill list... #36... um, what is your name?"

9. Do nothing at all.

10. Say simply: Fuck off.

I should point out that #8 and #10 are dangerous responses for many obvious reasons. My personal favorite is #3, well... maybe #5 too but you must be ready to walk away from your job. And with people like the holier than thou brigade hanging around, maybe you should.