Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Live-Blogging "Project Runway"

Okay, I realize this is not very Hegemonian, but I am going to try to live-blog one of my guilty pleasures: "Project Runway". I think this is the last season for me and "PR", as the show is moving to (a) Lifetime (which will probably dilute its gay sensibility, a sensibility I find fun) and (b) L.A. (which is just, well, sooooooo Jeffrey Sebelia, i.e., ew). Anyway, I'm sitting here with a glass of fortifying rosé. I would like to see bottle blonde faux-surfer dude Blayne get the boot, but let's see how it goes.

9:01: Okay, Blayne is already annoying me with "Girlicious" schtick. Also, Heidi's thighs are, once again, playing a starring role in this episode. I want to nominate Heidi for "What Not to Wear," so that Stacy London can teach her the "No miniskirts after age thirty-five" (yeah, even if you are a supermodel) rule.

9:03: I love Stella and her horrible Queens accent. She has absolutely no chance of winning, of course. But I love the woman and I would love to see her smack down a few of these people.

9:04: Uh-oh, design a look for a "high-powered professional woman". I see potential for a lot of '80s Joan Collins/Linda Evans padded shoulder catastrophes here. On the positive side, they have to work in teams, which means there's a potential for a major bitch-fest.

9:05: Hmmm...Utah guy (Keith) wants to make her look "very leggy, sexy". Maybe that's what will provoke (Top American Designer) Michael Kors' "Slutty Slutty Slutty" comment in the promo.

9:07: Oh dear, Very Special Guest™ Brooke Shields appears to like faux-surfer dude's sketch.

9:08: Excellent, Terri made it. I'm glad. I think she's the dark horse of the season (and no, saying "dark horse" in reference to a black woman is not racist, dammit!).

[Commercial for "Vicky Christina Barcelona". Okay, so I want Javier Bardem. Does that make me a bad person?]

[Commercial for Saturn starring Chris March, one of my faves from last season. Chris March seems like such a mensch. I met a faaaabulous drag queen this past new year's who (a) gave me an ambush makeover and (b) told me that Chris March saved her life by tailoring a sort of go-go style size 22 wedding dress for her.]

9:15: Oy, Keith picks Kenley as his partner and is already complaining about her. And Jerrell picks Stella because of her mad skillz with leathuh.

Just as an aside, my dream come true would be for Tim Gunn, Stacy London, Clinton Kelly, Carson Kressley, and my friends watertiger, R and H to take me shopping (and to the tailor). (Actually, watertiger has offered to shop with me, and little does she know, I plan to take her up on it!)

9:19: Suede is very uncomfortable. (And he ought to be, with a name like "Suede".)

9:21: Keith and Kenley ... Keith makes this flowing stuff. She makes very tailored stuff. What made him think they could work together? Totally different sensibilities? Maybe he admires her sewing skills?

9:22: Kelly, why would you throw Stella over for Daniel? He sort of sucks and his attitude is awful. You won the first challenge. Why would you risk tonight on this guy?

9:28: Tim is digging on Stella and Jerrell and is dubious about Daniel and Kelly.

9:31: Damn, Tim has concerns and Joe turns weasel. I would not fuck with Korto, though.

[You know, I think I'm gonna ask Bluefly to sponsor my closet. Of course, they'd probably be appalled at its contents, but I'm thinking of this as a promising new revenue stream for res, Inc. TRESemmé can sponsor my shower.]

Commercial: starving so I make edamame. Wonder briefly, "Would Cokie Roberts consider this snack 'elitist'?" Decide that she definitely would and immediately send Barack Obama email suggesting that he, Michelle, and the kids live exclusively on the stuff between now and election day.

9:42: Korto's jacket is great, but I think the dress is a disater. Not sure about this thing of Kelly and Daniel's. No, I am sure. It's ugly. Wow, I like the Keith/Kenley thing. Oh boy, Terri's ensemble is great. Surfer Boy/Leanne's thing is sort of blah.

9:45: Korto and Terri are in. Glad about Terri, but I was kind of looking forward to Korto going nuclear on Joe. Oh, well....

9:46: Holy crap™! What is Jerrell wearing?

9:47: Okay, "Slutty Slutty Slutty" was directed at Daniel and Kelly. Daniel, confronted with his "taste level" claims to have "impeccable" taste. You know, I think there are certain things you should just DO and not say, e.g., "I am a great lay." "I am very devout." "I am smart." "I have impeccable taste."

9:48: Okay, I was right. The Keith/Kenley flowing/tailored combo worked.

9:49: Oooo, surfer boy may be spending the rest of the summer in a strip mall tanning booth.

9:50: Oh Brooke. You went to Princeton and your father married an Auchincloss. Never EVER used the word "classy". Ugh! To add insult to injury, you say "classiness".

9:57: Keith wins and my girl Stella is in.

9:58: Daniel is in. Oh boy. Is Surfer Boy going home?

9:59: Whoa! Kelly gets the boot? Doesn't seem right. Jerrell's crying. He knows Blayne should have been permanently retired to the tanning beds.

Chris March and drag queens next week. As much as I like the show, I have to say this is evidence of its decline. I think they are out of ideas. That said, I wonder if that drag queen I met on New Years will be there?

No comments: