Atta J. Turks (moderately) Trust NFL Picks

Please pretend I'm actually picking these games on the point-spread rather than straight up because it is less embarrassing. I went 3 and 3 last week making me 16 and 14 for the year. But hey, that's pretty good if you're dealing with the Rams.

Rams at Jaguars: Look there are some tough games this week -- and then there are some ugly games. Last week these two teams were outscored a collective 79 to 10. These teams are playing the kind of beautiful football you'd expect when a State Teachers College is matched up against one of the undefeated NFL clubs. Nevertheless, in spite of their dodging the bullet of being owned by Rush Limbaugh the Rams will lose, and lose big.

Speaking of Limbaugh, notice how his supporters have really really gone after one possibly inaccurate quote of his, ignoring the dozens of other racially inflamatory quotes the guy has made over the years? This is truly the GOP method of denial -- harp on one thing that cannot be proven so as to drawn attention to the mountains of evidence of what you have done wrong. Bravo assholes, bravo.

Eagles at Raiders: I admit it, I like to start off picking the easy games because it enables me to at least win something. So sue me? What are your damages. Well, if you have to watch the Raiders and Spergeon Wynn II play quarterback those are REAL damages. That is three plus hours of your life you will never ever get back. I predict that the Eagles will win this game big. Donovan McNabb, who by his third season was a Pro-Bowl QB will throw twice as many passes as Jamarcus Russell and complete twice as many and average twice as much per attempt. It just isn't fair to start a criminally unappreciated NFL QB against the worst one in football.

Ravens at Vikings: As a Viking fan I admit this game scares me. The Ravens are going to be angry, they're going to be desperate, they've lost two straight. But, the fact is both teams have flaws. And the Ravens are on the road, so I'm going to pick the home team. Also something is happening in the NFC-AFC interconference match ups, the NFC is starting to look like the better, deeper conference. However, at some point Favre and Ray Lewis will run into each other on the field and the announcers will have a multiple orgasm of over-inflated praise. I'm not sure that much man-love can survive a normal NFL broadcast. God forbid this year somehow end with Favre and Tom Brady playing against each other in the Super Bowl. I'm not sure we as a nation are yet prepared for that.

Giants at Saints: Funny how in a couple years Eli Manning has gone from looking hopelessly lost and depressed to looking the same and seeming impervious to pressure. I guess that happens when you are so close geographically to Derek Jeter -- or something. I mean it's happening for A-Rod isn't it? I think the Giants are the best team in football (well other than any team led by Tebow -- and let me tell you, that guy is all set up to take Brett Favre's place in the groins of our nation's color commentariat -- except for the fact he'll be a huge bust in the NFL [somewhat weak arm, never plays under center, that moderate speed isn't enough, etc.], but I complete this digression by saying they will lose this week. Home team wins -- dome will be rocking.

Bears at Falcons: With the media's collective Favregasms and Tom Brady-concern trolling you don't hear much about these clubs, especially the Falcons. But they are both very good, the Falcons crushed a good 49ers team on the road. Though Jay Cutler is certainly playing better than he did in the opener I think the Falcons will win under white-bread talent Matt Ryan. In addition, I really cannot the Bears this week because Jay Cutler looks like the "half-man" actor on Two and a Half Men -- which considering the kids age must be Two and Three-Quarters men by now. By the way, be careful looking up "Jay Cutler" on yahoo images, unless you like to see steroid abuse in its most obvious manifestations.

Broncos at Chargers: Against my better judgment I am going to pick the Chargers. I can say "against" my better judgment and go against it because that is pretty much my mantra in life. After all it's seven in the effing morning and against my better judgment I'm sitting here and writing blog posts comparing Jay Cutler to a child-actor. That cannot be good. But after a compiling a career record of 69-87-1, Norv Turner and his compromising pictures of various owners and GM's will finally produce results on the field and give the Chargers a big win.