Monday, May 16, 2005

Selling Armageddon

With the runaway success of the evangelical Left Behind series, these Christian zealots who believe that they know what is good for you (not them of course, just you) have taken their freaky end of times carnival on a sort of Internet roadshow.



And you do not have to do anything strenuous like thinking because they do it all for you.

So forget questioning that whole original sin concept and just accept that you are wretched, evil, worthless miniscule, meaningless, redeemless, (have I left anything out) creature and seek redemption and grace from the God of the Credit Card purchases via the folks at Left Behind. Because aren't we all defined by what we buy?

After all, why should religion be left off the consumption money train? Now you can buy more than your identity, you can buy your immortal soul via the Left Behind consortium of consumables.

Curious about what international events mean? They take care of all of that burdensome heavy lifting of thought and interpretations of foreign events.

From one of their sites:

The Left Behind Prophecy Club is a website and newsletter to help you understand how current events may actually relate to End Times prophecy. Each week you will get Interpreting the Signs, an online newsletter featuring Tim LaHaye, Jerry Jenkins, Mark Hitchcock and other End Times scholars. You also have access to exclusive online message boards where you can discuss these important issues with fellow Christians.

It is our hope that by studying Bible prophecy and world affairs, those who believe will be bold in their faith and those who don't will begin to understand the link between what is happening today and what was foretold in the Bible.

Golly, it sounds like they plan on keeping pretty busy, doesn't it?

When reading these messages one is left with one undeniable conclusion... Armageddon is coming. And its coming soon. Very soon. And have you read the latest Left Behind prophecy so you know what to do? Have you?!?! I bet Bush has read them. Ok, ok... Someone read them to him but still he believes in the same prophecy.

So, no need to worry. No need to wonder what do you do. Its all packaged for you and delivered via email in the form of "God's Daily Promises."

And for the busy Evangelical on the go, you can even have the Left Behind Mobile Prophecies delivered to your cell phone. Hallelujah! Just as you and your fellow Evangelicals are busy reminding Bill Frist where -- exactly where -- his bid for president is going to come from, you can still get the "good news" about just how far the Armageddon has progressed.

What is a good person of conscience supposed to do? Help your fellow woman and man? Uh, no. Go to church? Nice idea but nada. Work on becoming a good parent or mentor? Nope. What you are supposed to do is buy stuff. That's right buy stuff.

Because what self respecting Evangelical is going to miss out on the Left Behind screen saver? Or find out about the latest in Evangelical TV?

Of course, what would any good commodificaion be without diversity. You want diversity? Well, the folks at Left Behind have it. They have books, newsletters, pamphlets targeting different facets of our society such as the military, kids, and people interested in politics. Say, if you are reading this... I bet you are interested in politics.

So sign up for the Left Behind Club because who knows about faith, grace, and end times like retailers? And they sell it like any other worthy product... "No risk. No obligations. When you sign up to join the club, you’ll get your first week entirely for FREE. You make no risks, and have no obligations. What are you waiting for? Sign up today!"



They sell hard:

The Left Behind Prophecy Club has the news you need to know:

Islamic Terrorism
Middle East Peace Process
The War in Iraq
Europe's Power Struggle
Natural Disasters
Join now to follow each important event as it unfolds!

Members get:

Weekly "Interpreting the Signs" newsletter.
In-depth analysis of the news in light of End Times prophecy.
Exclusive access to the Prophecy Resource Center and Message Boards.
FREE Gift, FREE Trial Issue, and NO Obligations!


Wow, the people on the Home Shopping Channel couldn't put it any better.

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