Men of Planet Earth...(especially Americans)

As Roger Ailes says, the world does not really need anymore reasons to consider you a lazy, capitalist pig with a small, small penis.

Your corpulence, must be moderated by some sense of logical thought.

A 103-inch Plasma Screen is selling for $70,000.

We need some of that money for "smart" bombs and bunker busters.

Besides, your penis is only slightly smaller than average, and this 55-inch is available for $4,299.

Or better yet, become a lawyer, or other professional like me Atta (the "J" is for "just right") Turk and buy yourself a projector, which you use for "professional" stuff and then occasionally take it home and project on an 80-inch screen for just over a grand. It's a lot easier to write it off, I might add, then a big-ass TV.

You and your penis will congratulate each other. Unless you accidentally tune in to Rita Cosby. Then you may not speak for a few days.